Help! Big Sex Issue in New Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Help! Big Sex Issue in New Relationship
13
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:35pm

First hi, first timer on this board.


Ok, my problem. After an exhaustive search for the past 3 years for just the right guy to share my world, he's finally found me. And I'm tickled to have found him and he with I. We've been together just less than 2 months. We're already exclusive and see long-term potential in each other.


What's the problem? Well first, physically he isn't my usual type and I wasn't strongly attracted to him initially; it was his great personality that one me over. But still it took awhile to see him sexually. Then we went to finally have sex and turns out he has erectile performance anxiety. He can't sustain an erection for more than a minute or so and he goes soft. We've tried 3 times and each time, same thing. Can't keep it up. I've been very supportive and all but I don't know what to do. He says its just nerves and that its happened before with an ex he deeply cared for and that it'll go away in time.


While I can be patient, here's the next problem. My issue with seeing him sexually is starting to come back. And it doesn't help that he has such a goody-goody, almost wholesome type nature, while I'm more of a raunchy balls-out type of girl, used to bad boys that really throw down in the bedroom. But I so want this relationship to work as he is the type of guy I need and want to be with; one I can see a future with.


So any advice on the erection problems? Any on how to keep the sexual attraction? The more I think about the disapointing sex, the less sexual attraction I'm beginning to feel for him and that worries me.


Hope that doesn't sound completely shallow. I really want to make this situation better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 10:21am
Thank you! I want to believe that there is an inner freak there, cause I know I do have one. Mine's is just not so inner. It's very outer!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 10:42pm
I am mainly responding to ask you to be more careful with advice that basically says: "you already find him too vanilla, may be he is not really the one..." May be you will find him too vanilla, may be not! :) All I am saying is take it slowly (not necessarily sexually, but judgement-wise. And I am speaking from experience here: I never thought that sex like the one I have with my fiance right now is humanly possible...especially because we started pretty slowly, and the first several times were never "earth-shattering", to say the least... Now I am beyond happy. So, all I Am saying is take it slowly, and see how it works. And have fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 3:32pm

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