Help!!!! Cheating partners
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Help!!!! Cheating partners
| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 10:59am |
I have a question about cheating wives. My brother-in-law suspects his wife of cheating. He doesn't want to confront her, because he might start something that may not be true. His wife doesn't want to make love to him because she says she should wait until they get married in a catholic church. They got married civilly and not through the Church. They have four kids and she didn't mind having sex with up until last month. They been having some rough times throughout their marriage due to the fact that his wife's parents wanted them to get married in a church not civially. He's been really suspicious lately. He gets the occasion phone call hang ups and last night he had fight with his wife and went to the car to vent. When he came back his wife seemed o.k. (not upset) He decided to call his mom and by accident pressed the redial button. His mom didn't answer it was someone else. He knew that his wife had made a call when he left the house for a brief time because he had called his mother before he left the house. He asked her who that was when he pressed redial. She asked him if a guy answered and she told him that she dialed the wrong number. She was trying to call her father on his cell phone. My brother-in-law didn't say anything because it was actually a lady who answered. He didn't tell her that. He just left it alone. Other things he notices is that she has this crusty dried yellow stuff on her panties. He tells me its really visable and he doesn't know what to do.

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There really is no way to tell what is going on in your brothers' life. It's better not to "feed" his suspicions with suppositions etc. Focus on listening to his feelings and intuiting what he needs from you, instead of all of the little details that could mean anything. He is panicking and therefore he is allowing himself to become hyper-suspicious. It was no accident that he hit the redial on his phone (most likely), after all, he is inspecting his wife's panties. THat is a BIG red flag that he is paranoid (maybe rightly so, but there is no way yet to know that).
Having said all of that, intuition is a powerful tool and it is possible that there are things going on beneath the surface. Just allow that these things will come out as they come out, and be supportive of your brother at a time that he is very vulnerable and afraid that he is losing his family. There are thousands of alternate explanations for what is going on, and this could be just an adjustment period in their marriage. Stranger things have happened.
Peace,
Scott.
From a ladies view point. What the hell is My brother-in-law talking about crusty yellow stuff on his wife's panties???? any ladies care to answer this? Is it normal? Do alot of ladies out their have discharge without having intercourse??? Help....
thanks
Number 1, if you are his sister-in-law, you should have informed him that the "stuff" in her underwear is likely just normal discharge! Semen, if that's what he suspects it is, doesn't leave a yellowish crust. And number 2, trying to gather evidence of cheating isn't going to accomplish anything because she will just deny it unless he catches her IN the act. Then what? The only way to know for sure is either to confront her outright or hire a detective to get something on film.
But he has every right, as her husband, to know why she isn't having sex with him anymore. Is it possible that she is punishing him by withholding sex because he isn't standing up to his parents? That she feels he is giving their opinion too much importance in THEIR marriage?
Trying to play cop, sneaking around and listening in on phone calls isn't the answer though. The best thing you can do for him, as an in-law, is to encourage him to tell her what he's feeling. For the sake of their marriage AND most importantly, for their children, THEY need to work this out.
As Scott cautioned, don't listen to these paranoid suspicions though. IF he continues to come to you for support, then encourage him to handle this like an adult with his wife.
Edited 4/16/2004 12:26 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Women can have a lot or a little daily discharge and it will vary, not only from woman to woman, but also with the time in her cycle. And don't you think she would clean herself up if she had just had sex with another man? And WHEN would she have time to engage in an illicit affair with 4 children to care for?
Look, IF he is already concerned about her fidelity, then he's going to be able to MAKE common, ordinary things look suspicious, if he wants to. But if she's never done anything to deserve this kind of suspicion, he needs to back off. And just tell him to stop checking her underwear. It's disrespectful and weird.
Bottom line, he's only had to do without sex for a month...he needs to stop overreacting to the situation and talk with her.
Edited 4/16/2004 5:38 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
The discharge is natural. All women have it to a greater or lesser degree and it changes from day to day too. Do you really think that ALL her panties would have semen on them? How many times a day is she supposed to be having this fantasy affair guy ejeculating in her?
There could be a thousand reasons why she's not having sex with him, too tired, too busy (four kids after-all!), feeling ill or stressed, maybe even a vaginal infection like thrush!, not feeling loved, too tired, and too busy (again) are a couple that come to mind. It has, after-all, been only four weeks if that. He needs to grow up and talk to his wife and ask her why she hasn't been interested in having sex recently.
Sara
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