Help for Delayed Ejaculation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Help for Delayed Ejaculation?
4
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 9:12pm
My husband suffers from delayed ejaculation, I think stemming from the fact that he was molested at age four, but also it is an inherited trait (his dad and 2 brothers also have the problem). He cannot ejaculate in missionary position, only doggy style, spoon/scissors style, or kneeling on the floor with me at the foot of the bed, lying back with my feet on the floor, none of which are comfortable for me.

From the first thrust to the last is usually at least 30-45 minutes, and if something distracts him (dog barking, I shift a little, or he slips out), it's back to Minute One, starting all over again. It's fast and furious thrusting, sweating, and hard work for him, and I feel like he is not even enjoying it, and more to the point, I feel like a piece of meat or a blow up doll, like I'm not even there.

We've tried porn, which makes it a few minutes shorter, but he has to be looking at the TV the whole time, instead of me, which makes me feel used. We've tried orally and manually stimulating him to the point break, but as soon as I stop, and get him inside me, it's almost like starting the clock all over again.

Therapy has not worked for him in the past (before we met) so he doesn't think it will help now. Is there some sort of miracle drug or something to help him? Because I can't take it anymore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 9:27pm
How about masturbation. Does he take this long during masturbation? Does he masturbate too vigorously and too often? It may desensitize him to vaginal sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:57pm
There ARE no miracle drugs! Wouldn't it be nice if there were!

There are only two possible causes for his problem. Medical, or mental/emotional. Since his father and his brother have the same problem, it could be something medical, or physical that was inherited genetically. Something like a blockage. Has he ever been to an Urologist to make sure all the "plumbing" is okay? If not, he should do that first.

If it's not physical, then the only other cause would be mental/emotional, which is possible as a result of the molestation. But, were his father and brother also molested?

I also have to ask if he masturbates, not for the same reason as the other poster....but wondering if he does masturbate, does it also take him a long time to finish? If NOT, then it's even more likely that it's something within his mind....maybe the molestation, or maybe even just "thoughts" about sex being bad, or dirty, or some men even have a complex about their wives.....like they're too "pure" for this dirty act.

Last but not least, just because therapy didn't work the last time, doesn't mean it won't work now. Maybe he didn't have the right rapport with the therapist. Maybe he quit too soon. Maybe he wasn't mature enough at that time.

Make an appointment with an Urologist for him, that's the best and easiest place to start. If he checks out okay, then there's not much else he can do but try therapy again. Good luck! These things can be difficult, but NOT impossible to solve.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 12:43am
Hate to ask this but it's gotta be done: does he drink alcoholic beverages? Does he often have more than one within, oh, say an hour, of lovemaking. If so, this could easily be the root cause of the problem, especially if "more than one" and more so if he's over 30.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:18pm
Has he been to a doctor for this? I would send my hubby to the doc and see what he had to say and what could be done, if anything. btw, my hubby drinks alcoholic beverages before sex sometimes and he has no problem with his performance, although I have heard of other men having difficulty climaxing after alcohol beverages.