Help! DH says he wants me &avoids sex!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Help! DH says he wants me &avoids sex!!!
5
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 8:26pm

hi,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 2:42am
I think you should try to enhance his desire of sex by wearing certain kind of sexy cloth if that helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 8:25am

Welcome to the board, Chrissy, and (((((HUGS))))) for the frustration you are feeling.

The bottom line is "yes", marriages do end over this sort of thing. In most cases, problems in the bedroom are a reflection of problems outside of the bedroom. I would definitely encourage your DH to seek counseling with you, but even if he won't go, I would recommend that you go yourself. It's amazing how enlightening the experience can be.

Masturbation is a wonderful, healthy activity, but it shouldn't interfere with your desire for partnered sex. It sounds like both of you are using it as a necessity instead of looking for opportunities to be together.

One thing that is usually encouraged is to have sex even if you don't feel like it. Usually, the more you have, the more you want. In your case, the more you have, the more opportunity you have to grow together.

I know you say that the two of you have talked about this in the past. When you're talking, are you really talking? Perhaps there are things that both of you are interested in trying but haven't shared with each other. Try having a conversation with "I" language and see if that gets him to open up. The conversation should take place away from the bedroom, and should focus on what you would like to do/see happen with your relationship/etc. and not on what he has or may have done wrong. There's a big difference between saying "I'm worried that we aren't more passionate" vs. saying "Why don't you want to have sex with me?"

Also, look for opportunities to be creative. If you walk in on him masturbating, offer to help him out. Let your days be filled with sexy and encouraging thoughts and words -- don't expect to just connect in the bedroom.


















iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 1:30pm

thanks for the posts.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 8:18pm

Chrissy, feel free to stop by and chat or vent anytime. Surgeries and health problems sure do throw some problems at a relationship.

The vacation sounds like a wonderful idea!


















iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 9:30am

chrissy, if you have health problems and he is afraid of hurting you (even if its a remote possibilty) that may play a part in his avoidance, also the fact that he may feel he doesnt measure up.