Help in here!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Help in here!!
8
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:12am

There is this guy I just met some weeks ago, much younger than I. He is not a virgin, Im a virgin. For some reason, when he calls me on the phone he likes to talk about sex with me and he tells me what he wishes to do with me, when we meet. He is crazy for me. He is cute, but I dont want rush into things, but he is very anxious. The thing is that I dont have experience in these things at my age, because Im a virgin, I havent even touched a man´s penis before. This guy has told me that he will like us to kiss on the ears, the neck, the lips but he wants to kiss me lower than my neck, he wants to kiss or suck my breasts and he also would like to touch me or kiss the "you know what". Then he told me that he would like me to touch his dick and to suck it a little bit. I told him that I dont want to give him a blowjob, he insists he wants me to do so. Then he told me thatwhat would happen if at the heat of the moment I would like more, even if now that If I have told him I wont do it. Im really nervous about this, because I have never done this before in my life, he told me that there is always a first time for everything and these things are normal, such a man sucking the woman´s breast, the woman touch the guys´s penis and give him blow jobs. I know that those things are normal between people already with experience or people who is sexually active,, but for me that Im a virgin and never done those things before, I dont know what will be my attitude the moment it really happens, how will I react? The thing is that what I really dont want to happen and Im concerned about is that in the heat of the moment I loose control of myself and I end up having sex with the guy, that I dont want, Im not ready or even prepared to loose my virginity now. For him he will be glad of course, because that is what he wants, but I dont want that. He even told me that he is uncontrolable. I mean Im a virgin and never ever have touched a man´s penins much less give him a blowjob I really dont know what that is like, and I dont know how will I react. This guy says (I dont know if it is trye or he just want to talk into me) that he feels me so attractive and so hot for me, that is what he wants to do with me, he is anxious, he wants to feel pleasure with me, he will like my lips to touch his penis because he assumes I have gorgeous lips.

I mean perhaps because of my lack of experience in these things I will like to give a try, like he said sooner or later I will have to do it and there is a first time for everything, but I dont want to loose control of myself and end up having sex with him, I really dont want that, but of course he will like that, even though I have told him Im not ready and prepared.

Perhaps I really will like him to kiss me, caress me and even kiss by breasts, to check what it feels like, and I even want to touch his penis but I dont want a blowjob or hae sex, I find it repulsive (blowjob) in my opinion. My concern is that I dont want to loose control of myself when the moment arrives, If I allow him to do me those things, I want that those things are the only ones I allow not more than that. I dont want to loose control and end up having sex that is my concern. Of course, this thing will take place in a private place.

I have mentioned him on the phone when we have spoken, Im not ready but he says what if in that heat of the moment I will really will like to have sex? That is what I dont want to get to that point. ANy ideas?

I dont knwo if this is an advantage or disadvantage, but he and I live far away and I dont have a car and he does not own his own car either, he uses for work his dad´s car.
We have never met in person only for phone and chat but the thing is that if I meet him for the first time I will like him to meet him in public like a mall or something, knowing already what he feels for me, but I guess that his intentions for the first time we meet is to go to a private place, he wont like to go to a mall to meet each otehr for the first time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:28am

I am going to tell you something right now. It doesn't matter how old you are, this man is a sexual predator. He doesn't KNOW you, and you don't know him. He wants sex with you. He doesn't care about you, he doesn't love you, and he just wants sex, nothing more. That's why he talks to you about sex....he wants to get you curious, and curiosity is NOT a reason to have sex.

You should NOT meet him ever, anyplace. Find a man that you can get to know, that will respect you, and not try to force you to do something you aren't ready to do. You don't have sex with a stranger just because you will do it eventually. You have sex with someone that you care about, and who cares about you. This man doesn't care about you. He wants sex with you, and if you do it, you will probably never hear from him again. What would you do if you got pregnant, or got a disease from him? A man who solicits women on the computer probably has diseases!

Sex for the first time can be wonderful, but only if it's with someone that you care very much about, and who cares about you. This man does NOT care about you, only about getting sex from you. Stop talking to him.....he's a pervert who preys on innocent young women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:37am
Honestly I would stay away from this guy!! It sounds like all he wants is sex if that's all he keeps talking about. If you don't care than by all means go for it! I would just stop and think about things and prepare yourself if this goes in a different direction than what you anticipated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 10:06am

I strongly agree with the others that have posted.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:15pm
With all else aside, just remember that you don't ever have to do anything you're not comfortable with, no matter how much someone else INSISTS....you got that? I'd beware of anyone who didn't respect my boundaries and who doesn't encourage me to do so as well.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:36pm
I agree with everyone else here. Its highly dangerous in the first place to meet with someone from over the internet, although you are very smart in the fact that you are saying you would meet him in a public place. However, if he does convince you to be alone with him, I have no doubt in my mind that if you want him to stop he'll either pressure you into continuing or just ignore you and say its what you want. Obviously you would not have been continuing these chats with him if you didnt feel like there was a "connection" between the two of you, but please take it from me, men will do or say anything to get a pretty girl in bed. He does seem like a predator, as has already been pointed out by everyone else in their replies. Yeah, you'll have sex anyways someday like he said, but do you really want to remember your first time as being a one night stand with a man that pressured you and that was just looking for action? Take it from me, even if he is younger than you, if he is pressuring you when he knows your a virgin it means he has no respect for you and just wants to get off from "deflowering" you. For some men they get ego boosts from taking a girl's virginity, and you don't want to be just another girl that was used and dumped. If you have waited until now to have sex, you can wait longer for a better guy than this. Just dump him straight out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:37pm

Im much older than him. I know that he only wants to have sex with me, because he has told me many many times, he so hot for me. He told me that is not that he only wants to have sex with me, that is the least of his worries, he told me that he wants because he feels Im a special lady inside and out, so to have sex with someone he cares about is the reason why he wants us to be "more than friends with me". Like I said before we havent met in person, we have just spoken on the cell phone and over chat. I never gave him my house phone number, so Im calm there, I just gave him my personal cell phone number. And as being a phone stalker, so far he hasnt done that, in fact he never calls me, he always tell me to call him.

I have told him that Im not ready to have sex and then he told me that ok, he wont insist, but he do want to kiss and hug me and he wants me to touch his dick and perhaps to give him a little blowjob and that if I dont like when I first give him a blowjob, he is ok and he wont insist.

Tell me how can I let him down. I mean, I made him clear before he started to talk about sex like 1 week or so ago, that I wanted only to be friends with him that I dont want to have sex with him. why the rush in things. He told that because I have never been touched by a guy and if I find him nice and viceversa, why I should be afraid, that is pretty normal between a guy and a girl who are attractive to each other. When I first meet him, the first message he sent me, and for some days he never spoke about sex, we spoke about other things, never about sex and at that time he seemed like a nice guy, that is why I continued to chat with him, because during the first days he never was like that until he confessed and was honest with me and told me that while we were chatting days ago, he realized I was driving him crazy and he saw me prettier everyday and he wanted to be more than friends with me that is where the sex, physical attraction topic started. I told him I want only friends and he told me why, if he wish we could be intimate friends.

Now yesterday he told me on my cell phone all the things I posted in the first message. He finds me sexy, delicious, etc. Then today he asked me why if I never have done all those things, why I particularly want to do it with him. How dare of him!! After all his insistence, he ask me why I would like to do it with him. Like I said Im consious about the situation and like I said I dont want to end up having sex with him, I just wanted to feel kissed and caress by a guy, since I have never experienced that and knowing I found a guy who was willing perhaps is why I kind of told him I agreed. But now that I read your posts, now I got scared and start to believe what you say and I think it is better If dont talk to him anymore.

How can I let the guy down, because I want him to give him a reason why, of course he will be mad because he will say I was just using him, making him believe that I wish and now I dont want to hear from him anymore. I want him to give him a good reason why and at least let him down in a way that he understands my motives for not want to talk to him anymore. I mean every person has the right to know a reason why and he will of course will ask why I changed my attitude towards him after making him believe I really wanted.

Perhaps I played along with him, because he is so so cute!!!

We both live away from each other, that is an advantage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:57pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: ana2
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 1:05pm

Are you listening to anything all your answers have said? This man does NOT care about you, he cares about sex. Ok, he says he won't push you to have sex, but he wants you to touch him, and give him oral sex? He is a SEXUAL PREDATOR. It doesn't matter that he's younger than you. Age has nothing to do with it. A 16 year old boy can be a sexual predator!

How do you know he's "cute"? If he sent you a picture, how do you know it's his picture? Even if it is, does being "cute" make him a decent person? NO, it does NOT!

If he's so cute, and he's a decent person, then he would have all the women he wants, and he wouldn't have to prey on strangers on the internet. A decent man will NOT speak sexually to a stranger. He will not talk about sex to someone who doesn't WANT to talk about it. While he is talking to you, he is probably masturbating himself. He's a sexual pervert. Do you understand that?

You DO NOT have to give him any excuse. You just tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore, then you block him from your computer, and do not answer any phone calls from him. He will just bother some other women, he won't care.

He is trying to take advantage of your naive nature. He doesn't CARE about you, he cares about getting oral sex from you, and then he will talk you into having intercourse. Then you will feel used! Get rid of him, he will only cause you pain and heartbreak.