Help me create passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Help me create passion
3
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 5:08pm
I have a problem. I have been engaged since August & will be married in July, 2005 (if everything goes smoothly). The problem is that...lately I haven't been putting much effort into our sexual relationship. The reason is that my previous lover was enormously passionate, I constantly felt sexy, like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen - while we made love. In comparison, my fiance is a very playful lover, but not very passionate. I know he loves me & thinks I'm sexy, but when we're in bed, it just isn't as good for me. So lately the sex has been dropping off & now he is the one that feels I am not passionate about him either. We have talked about it...it is possible it could end the relationship if we don't fix the problem. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 5:25pm
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 6:27pm

OK, you've got two problems here:

One, you can't compare this guy to the last guy. They are different and have different styles of making love. I'm sure that you can get your fiance to occasionally behave in a 'passionate' way but he won't be able to do that all the time because his natural style is different. There must be something about this playful guy that you like in bed? If not, well, maybe your relationship won't last if you are that incompatible in the bedroom.

My last longterm partner was very romantic in bed, my new partner is much more playful and casual - but both are great in their own way. But completely different too. Sometimes I would like a romantic night so I make sure that we have to romantic night. I don't depend on my partner to arrange that. I'm the one that makes it happen. Which brings me to point number two:

Two. You can't expect and rely on your partner to do all the work in the bedroom and entertain you in the manner that you are accustomed. If you want a passionate night, make it happen. Arrange the dinner, the scene, the bedroom. Attack him passionately as he walks in the door, be passionate in the bedroom. Do that and he will more than likely follow your lead.
It's not fair that you expect him to behave in a certain way in the bedroom without having some input yourself. There are two of you in the relationship and two of you should be contributing to what happens in the bedroom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 5:08am

think thoroughly if he is the guy for you... marriage is a serious commitment, don't jump into it if you have any doubts. previous posts already point out that you shouldn't compare. here are a few ideas that might spice things up:

-striptease him (important rule: he can't touch you while you're stripping).
-role play (doctor/patient, teacher/student, princess/knight, rapist/victim, prostitute/customer, whatever you two fancy).
-romantic night with candles, flowers, chocolate, wine, caress and cuddle all you want but no intercourse... focus on the emotional or spiritual connections.
-masturbate while he peeps.
-watch porn together.
-try new positions or toys.