HELP!! Trying to understand "dirty talk"
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HELP!! Trying to understand "dirty talk"
| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:44pm |
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Edited 8/22/2004 8:07 pm ET ET by legshakermaker
Edited 8/22/2004 8:07 pm ET ET by legshakermaker

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Edited 8/23/2004 1:51 am ET ET by legshakermaker
This may sound flooky, but Cancers have a tendancy to grasp on to their mate when they feel them withdrawing and this tends to push their mates further away. The good thing is even though she wants excitement (especially cause she is on the cusp with Sagittarius), at the root of it Capricorns really crave stability. I agree with others that she is acting out of her own insecurity, but in my opinion what will work for you guys is if you work on your own insecurity issues and not waiver or grasp as she tries to push your buttons. This may sound counter-intuitive, but don't reassure her so much, stand back and let her wonder. I bet you anything this will cause her to try and create the stability herself.
Sorry to the rest of the board for my astrological lean on this post.
Edited 8/23/2004 1:54 am ET ET by legshakermaker
That wasn't backing off, that was blowing her off. A more mature approach would have been to sit her down, tell her you need your space and you would appreciate it if she not contact you for awhile.
Leticia
If she has a drinking problem and a self-esteem problem, one problem is just feeding the other.
Edited 8/23/2004 1:55 am ET ET by legshakermaker
I'm Capricorn. Guess what my ex-wife was?.... LOL!
I don't think that you need to be in this relationship. You've got enough on your plate without trying to save her from herself. She's obviously quite insecure and if she's got a drinking problem, well, how much time have you got to spend on her? Even then there is no gurantee that things will work out and she may just dump you again.
To touch briefly on the dirty talk thing: I think that most of the dirty talk relates back to how insecure she feels about herself. I won't go into how I think that it works for her; I'll just say that she's looking for attention and a ego boost from you. If it's not that, then she's getting the boost from beating you down with these comments.
I think that you deserve better and that you aren't required to, nor in the position to save her. With the short history that includes two break-ups and her loving attention from guys in a bar (she probably won't cheat, but she could easily swap you for another guy if she's having problems with you), I don't think that it'll last much longer anyway. If the pressure is put on her (for example, get therapy) I think that she'll bolt.
Edited 8/23/2004 1:55 am ET ET by legshakermaker
She's probably found that she gets the most support that she has received in a long time from you. This is probably why she seems to be sticking it out with you and getting back together. If she can get more from anyone-else, you are history. Despite that she still does not recognise that it is her causing the problems. She is sure that you are the problem. Don't expect the therapy to go well. She will feel that you and probably the therapist are being unreasonable and picking on her. No doubt she will feel that the therapist is unfairly biased against her.
Do not be surprised if you are dumped again as the pressure goes on in therapy. I suspect that she will never fully realise the depth of her insecurity and problems. The simplest answer to her is that you are the problem and despite the support she thought she was getting from you, she needs to get rid of you and find someone-else that understands her and appreciates her.
All the advice I can give is: Don't be a (damn boards won't let me use the nickname for a cat that is 5 letters and starts with p) in therapy. Don't forget that you are a guy with his own thoughts, ideas, needs, wants and desires. Don't (slang for cat)-foot around the issues and don't be a fairy about things. Don't be wishy-washy and too delicate. Without trying to sound cliched, be a man. Talk straight and be fair. You are at risk of trying to over-analyse this situation and her actions. Don't. You know what is fair and what is reasonable. Don't be confused and agonise over fluff and nonsense. Don't let her get you screwed up and wrapped around her little finger like she has already. When all is said and done you will feel much better to be able to walk out of the situation with your pride intact if it comes to that.
Don't forget that if she meets a guy in the bar that throws some cash her way, drives a fast car and talks her up, then you may well be history again.
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