he's holding out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
he's holding out?
7
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 2:19am
so, my fiancee is never in the mood for sex. whenever i bring up the topic, he just says he's not in the mood. ive never met a guy that wasnt in "the mood". i thought that's all they thought about. ive learned to help myself out, but it's not the same. i feel its a good way to show love. maybe men dont understand the love part of sex?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 6:49am

Welcome to the board melodyleanne.



Sounds like the two of you have differing libidos. It can be frustrating, but not impossible to deal with. Often it is due to a situation (stress at work, lack of rest, too much masturbation, etc.). If you can rule out anything that could be causing it, then you can try to come up with a plan that can work for both of you.



Many couples in mismatched situations actually plan sex. You can pick one or two nights a week and schedule those for sex nights. That way, you are not feeling rejected and he is not feeling pressured. Often, once you get in to the routine, the interest in sex comes back.



There is also a board here, Mismatched Libidos that you might find helpful.



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my partner in the siggy exchange





iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 11:39am

I don't bring up the topic as such, I just kind of sidle up to him, he's a foot taller than me so there can be some comedy in the whole thing, give him a couple of big kisses and kind of lazily outline his penis in his pants with my hand. If that doesn't get his attention, I pop into my mouth the silver heart-shaped dangly necklace that he gave me, that we use for his bjs all the time, and give him a kiss with that. That will definitely get his attention lol.

The only thing I will say about guys being in the mood is that they aren't machines. If he's cum in the past few hours, chances are quite good that he is not going to be very horny. It's much, much, much for fun to have a really and truly horny guy at your disposal lol. I see all kinds of tales on this forum about doing it more often, but in my experience doing it more often than every day or two isn't a pace that most guys can keep it with. That being said, some can go for a weekend and f*** your brains out many times over, but I'm just talking about day-to-day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 12:04pm

Everyone is different, including all men. They're NOT all sex machines! All I can tell you is that if you're planning to get married, you'd better fix it before you get married, because it will get worse once he's "got" you.

Men "understand" the "love part of sex"....but if a man isn't interested in sex, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. What you two need is some decent communication, outside the bedroom. You need to tell him that you need more "intimacy" with him, and if he cares about you, he will make the "effort" to BE in the mood more often. If you want it 5x a week, and he's happy with once a month, then you have to compromise....make it once a week...or whatever you can both live with.

If he's not willing to compromise, or tell you why he's NOT in the mood very often, then I would think twice about marrying him because you two don't know how to communicate. Sex isn't all there is to a marriage, but if you continue to feel frustrated, you'll be looking for it outside your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:56pm

<>


Is this something special sexual in nature?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 6:09pm

My husband is like that sometimes...men do understamd the love part of sex IMO but not all of them are good at showing it! I hope everything works out! Have you tried talking to him about it and seeing if there are some underlying reasons why he is not interested?

~momma~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:44am

It's just a private sign between us. It's a perfectly normal silver necklace, with a pendant maybe an inch wide that's really heavy and really smooth -- it's the outline of a heart. It's really dangly, on a very long chain, and is apparently really cold and feels good for him. So I often play with it on his balls and penis, and do bjs with it in my mouth. It has been covered with spit and cum so many times that it's a great sign of our affection that only he would know when I'm wearing it in public. I will also very often just pop it into my mouth for kissing him, it feels really good to both of us.

I purposely never wash it, so hopefully it has a little of him on it when we're apart.




Edited 6/21/2007 12:16 pm ET by size0
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:43pm
Some men enjoy (well most would) a woman performing oral sex on them with something hard in her mouth. That is part of the reason women get their tongues pierced.