He's a Sex Freak!
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| Sat, 06-19-2004 - 9:44am |
I've only known this guy for a few months and I was a bit surprised to find us talking about sex, and our partners. I rarely talk about sex with 'the guys'. Just not comfortable with it.
Anyway, the conversation turned to porn movies (we'd been gutter-talking about them earlier with the group). I admitted that I usually watched them with the missus. He grumbled about how HIS missus never wanted to watch them until recently. He continued on and told me how he had been working out of town for the week and when he got back his wife had watched a couple that he had. She admitted to him that she had got off watching them even though she thought that they were pretty lame. He had thought that this was pretty good because she never masturbates normally and while she had known he'd had them, had never been interested in watching them before. (If you're wondering, this isn't exactly how he put it when he explained it to me. I've translated it from guy-speak)
But then she told him that she didn't want to watch them again because she didn't want to become some kind of sex freak. 'Did that mean that you think I am a sex freak?', he asked her. She replied that she didn't know.
He was wondering how he could convince her that it was all pretty normal, that he wasn't a sex freak, and go back to his happy normal sex life.
FWIW, I told him that she'd get over it once she thought about it a bit more. I told him that it was probably a good thing in the long run and that it might help their relationship. The 'sex freak' thing was her trying to rationalise the erotic feelings that she had against what ever it was in her background or upbringing that was against the movies. (Again, that's not exactly how I explained it to him. I translated it into guy-speak).
Any thoughts about this? I really doubt that I'm going to go back to this guy and give him any more advice on the subject. In the cold light of day and with the throbbing head he's probably regretting spilling the beans and I know that I won't be the one to bring it up again with him. (And Yes! It REALLY is a friend and not me that I'm talking about :-)

When I grew up in the 50's.....sex was a guy thing! Women didn't necessarily HATE it, but it was still viewed as something that guys loved, and women could provide. I never imagined that women could or did masturbate. I never even heard the word "orgasm" till the 70's! I wasn't "repressed", and I think I was pretty typical of women my age at the time. Some older women still think and feel the same way! Some of us have progressed, and realize that we can and should enjoy sex just as much as men. The only problem that I see is that in the "old days"....we "enjoyed" sex......NOW, it's like something that must be perfected, and if it's NOT perfect, there's too much angst over it, which effectively ruins the whole thing. It's really sad to read posts from women who're agonizing over lack of orgasms, or lack of a particular kind of orgasm, or even lack of intensity when they DO have them. Like, "I can't have orgasms, so why bother?" If they only understood that sex isn't about orgasms, and that if they learned to relax and enjoy sex, the orgasms would come all by themselves. It was much easier when we just enjoyed it, and enjoyed being with our partners, and didn't feel that we had "goals" that had to be met, or there was something wrong with us.
I was introduced to "porn" as a "tool" not too many years ago. I'd seen it before that, and all I did was giggle, and think how stupid it was. That was because I didn't understand the point of it. Now I do, and I enjoy it occasionally.
Some people have a very hard time letting go of the "old ideas", so when something like this happens, no matter how much she enjoyed it, she still had feelings of "guilt" over it. Particularly with porn....there are also insecurities...."does he want one of those young bodies?" "I've had 4 kids, and my body will never look like that again!"
Hopefully, she'll lighten up, and they'll be able to enjoy it together, and possibly open up new ideas and adventures.....and improve their sex lives.
Leticia
We also tried the internet route. The curiousity of home-made porn and people who actually enjoyed being filmed. How naive, because we saw some things that weren't pleasant as well as too much teen porn.
As far as porn making me a sex freak. Yep, it does. How can it not? I think it's part of the reason that he's been pushing me off of the hard stuff. ;-) Personally, it's a quick release because I get so aroused. I've even orgasmed without any stimulation at all. I'm not really myself...I get so doused with lust...and it's over before it begins.
In any event, I too have mixed feelings about the porn industry. Like the drug industry, I lost faith in it years ago after having a halluicinating experience with pot. As I matured, my eyes were opened as to how bad the porn industry was treating women, and it's has been a slow ride back.
What surprises me about it is that I wouldn't have expected a woman in her early thirties to be quite so freaked out by porn as she seems to be. For some reason (or perhaps it's just in my experience) most women that age are usually not so 'uptight' about it and don't consider mainstream porn 'freaky'. Maybe it was just her choice of words?
My partner is OK with it. She could take it or leave it normally but we sometimes watch the odd blue movie and we thoroughly enjoy the sex that happens afterwards. My ex would get more turned on by it than I would.
I'm interested in that she 'got off' watching it when she normally never masturbates. If that's true, that she never masturbates, then that's quite possibly a good thing. Perhaps she will feel a bit more comfortable with her body and desires. I suppose it could go the other way too. She may feel guilty about doing something that she normally doesn't do.
Whatever happens I wish him the best of luck and hope things sort themselves out.
I'm close to the age of your friend's wife (37) although my initiation into porn was much earlier. When DH and I were dating, I got him to take me to a drive in porn theater nearby. Even though I knew him well, I was still very embarrassed at what we were watching together (although very turned on). I just kept sitting there thinking "I cannot BELIEVE I am watching people do this!" and I was shocked at how aroused I was. I was embarrassed to talk about it the next day, or for quite awhile. I imagine your friend's wife is feeling the same way. It takes awhile to get past that feeling.
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
Lewis Carroll