high level porn use

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
high level porn use
33
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 9:33pm

We all see threads from women who's men who indulge in high level porn use. I'm not talking once a week - I'm talking hours online every night. I'm talking about the man who masturbates so often that he's got no desire left for real sex with a real woman.

My thoughts are that this hypothetical man is weary of his marriage, and that the porn use is a symptom. That perhaps he no longer feels the love for his wife that he once did and instead of communicating the problems and fixing them - he retreats into porn.

Thoughts? Do you think that high level porn use is a symptom of a man who needs to address marriage issues?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 12:19pm

"I suppose my slant is that the porn using spouse should take the responsibility to make his problems known to the partner so that the problem can be solved together"

Yes but sometimes you need to decide whether you want to be right or be married.

You may need to be the one to step up and take the initiative in opening up a dialogue on whats wrong. It may not be fair, but its more likely to be effective. thats what realy counts in the end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 5:59pm

"I guess I assumed that his wife asked him to stop."

Even if a spouse asks one to stop and they don't, I don't think that qualifies as the diagnosis of a porn addiction.

I agree that the word "addiction" gets tossed around very freely.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 6:29pm

The OP specifically used "high level use" which could very well be an addiction.

The dictionary's definition of addiction:

The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.




Edited 5/20/2005 6:30 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 9:09pm

My dictionary definition of addiction: Addiction is an uncontrollable compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its negative consequences.

To me, the defining point of addiction is the "uncontrollable" aspect.

Yes, this hypothetical man's wife may have asked him to stop, for the sake of the discussion, let's assume that he doesn't. If he can't control his need to use porn - then it's an addiciton. If he simply doesn't care what his wife wants - then it's choice.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 9:25pm

So...if he's only looking at porn twice a year and she asks him to stop and he can't, then he's an addict? ;-)

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 9:09am

"The OP specifically used "high level use" which could very well be an addiction."

Riiight, but that's not what I was talking about, if you'll pay attention to my post.

I was saying that just going against your spouses wishes does not an addiction make.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 9:18am
An "uncontrollable compulsion" to look at porn twice per year.....hmmm. If you can find him, I'll let you win that one ;-)
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 9:37am
I knew that...that post was done tongue-in-cheek...(see icon).
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 10:31am

To further some thoughts:

"I was saying that just going against your spouses wishes does not an addiction make."

True; as there are many addicts who aren't even in relationships.

Which brings me back to my original post. I simply don't feel that the amount of porn use is ALWAYS a direct result of problems in a relationship because there are people who aren't even in relationship that become addicts.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )