like him too much??

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Registered: 12-31-1969
like him too much??
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Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:20pm
This morning my bf told me that he thought I liked him too much! What does this mean? I asked if he wanted me to like him less and he said, "no, come here and give me a hug." But I am very confused about this. Does he think I like him more than he likes me or is he insecure about something or uneasy about the seriousness of our relationship. Please help I am so confused. Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:27pm
There's no way for anyone here to tell you what he means. Did you ask him? I personally found it a very immature statement. Perhaps he is just getting scared.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:16pm
I don't think many women would be comfortable being a slut or thinking of themself as a slut, ethical or otherwise. By the same token, most women aren't willing to "settle" for a partner that doesn't share their affection......and shares HIS affection with whomever he wants. If that floats your boat, more power to you.

I wouldn't call him a boyfriend, I'd call him a Friend with Benefits, one who has benefits anywhere he wants them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:19pm
Hon, if his remark bothers you.....then you need to ask HIM what he meant by it. Saying "come here and give me a hug" is NOT an answer.

Maybe he was just kidding around....or maybe he's feeling pressured, or needs some space. Only he knows what he meant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 2:30pm
You're probably right. That's fine w/me. I certainly consider him my bf. Dunno what I am to him. He's not doing anything that embarrasses me or anything. It did slightly creep me out to hear that he'd slept with both of us one day last week, and perhaps creepier, I was #2! But I'll live ... I guess I'm secure because I know to a certainty that I can have just about any man I want, whenever I want, period. I want to set him free, not be his shrew.
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 3:05pm
sounds like a lot of rationalizing on your part. by his actions he's basically telling you that you are not enough for him. this obviously doesn't sit well with you, but you are afraid of being perceived as needy or restricting him in some way for fear of losing him. don't forget that having boundaries is a healthy thing.
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 3:09pm
it either means he doesn't like you as much as you like him, or he's not ready for how serious it's gotten, or he thinks you should focus your energy on other pursuits other than just him or the relationship. if i were you i'd back off a bit -- if you are too available and he's always the priority he's likely to start taking you for granted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 5:38pm
In part you're probably right ... but it doesn't sit badly with me. Really! I know _I_ don't care for needy people and you're right, I'm probably trying extra hard not to be one. I'm not totally sure what you mean by boundaries ... I mean of course I'd speak up if I didn't like something. No worries.

Partially I say this because, to be honest, although I didn't realize he had just slept with someone else that day last week, we had wonderful, incredible, deeply intimate sex later that evening ... so I have nothing to complain about. He was hard as my forearm and deposited his typical huge load in my mouth after screwing me silly for what seemed like ages. My fish got an eyeful; I sucked him off right in front of the aquarium! I don't know too many men who can totally satisfy two women on the same day just hours apart but he apparently can (I assume the earlier one had at least half as good a time as I did!!). The only thing that was slightly gross was ... well, let's not even go there. ;-)

I'm not complaining. And I don't feel mad or sorry for myself. It's not like I got less because someone else got something too (which is one of the points raised in the _Ethical Slut_ book btw) ... a key realization for me. I adore him & positively worship his penis, he's easy to talk to and totally honest, has a wonderful sense of humor, is extremely bright, kisses like an angel, is pretty ambitious but not at all caught up with himself (and the "aw-shucks" thing _kills_ me)! So there's not a problem, and that's all I was pointing out to the OP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 6:13pm
... also, please don't think I have self-esteem issues. I'm totally hot, I know it, I ain't _too_ dumb ;-) and I am super kind to children and animals. Just in case you thought I was like staring at my navel or something!!! ;-)
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:09pm
so are you saying that the thought of him coming with as much force into another woman's mouth hours before doing the same to you doesn't bother you? and her feeling for him as much as you do doesn't bother you? and him having feelings for her? and would it bother you if he felt more for her than for you? it shouldn't, right(?), since you are not getting any less from him than you would have otherwise. or would you?

what i meant by boundaries is having limits to what you are willing to accept and that it's okay to be uncomfortable when people pass those boundaries.

i don't think you are being completely honest with yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:12pm
Christy, can I ask why you feel the need to always give explicit details when it is totally unnecessary? What on earth does sucking him off have to do with what was being discussed? And I must say, I am with Sugar on this one. You post repeatedly about this guy, and always feel the need to mention how hot you are and how cool you are with everything. I don't think you are either. You call him your BF, but GTB was right. You are only friends with benefits. I think you are setting yourself up to be hurt by this guy and you know it, and that's why you feel the need to defend your position when no one had even questioned it. I am not sure who you are trying to convince, us or YOU.

Leticia

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