His Erection

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
His Erection
11
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 1:42pm
A question for both men and women.....
Believe it or not, I have not had much sexual experience with men.. (I am in my 30's) However, that all has changed, and I have started to see a man (for 2 years now) and we have great sexual chemistry. We have sex on a regular basis, and every time we do, before we even get to any genital stimulation, he is hard before we even have our clothes off. Today, I noticed that he was soft, and it took about 30 seconds of oral/manual stimulation to get him fully erect. Once there, it was no problem, and he came quickly. My question is, is this pretty normal? Maybe I am spoiled with him being hard before we even touch, but was a little taken aback that he was soft (in fact, I have never had him in my mouth when he was soft in the whole 2 years that we have been together) Do most men need that direct stimulation before they get fully erect, or do most get hard before the actual act of sex? Because of lack of opportunity, we have sex maybe once every 2 weeks, so by the time we get to be together, the "sexual tension" has built up. This week, due to luck and opportunity, we were able to be together twice in one week... is that something to consider as well? Or am I just overreacting? BTW, he is a sexually healthy male in his 30's. (Never any problem with erection in the act of sex, or any problem with ejaculating.)
Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: grl03
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 1:55pm
That's totally Normal
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
In reply to: grl03
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:06pm

To my knowledge, there's really no 'rule' with this, grl03. Every man is different. I would pay no heed to this, as you said he has no problems in this area to speak of.

Best,

E :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: grl03
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:14pm

This is completely normal. Particularly for a guy that's past puberty. We all, male and female, have our days. Maybe he was tired. Maybe he has stuff on his mind. The important part is that it came to life when it was supposed to!

Haven't you ever had a time when you just couldn't have an orgasm, no matter what you tried? We're not "machines" and sometimes the bits and pieces are just a little out of sync.

It's nothing to be concerned about.

PS: sometimes it's fun just getting it there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: grl03
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:36pm

As the others said, completely normal and nothing at all to worry about.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: grl03
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 4:21pm
Could be, if you two only see each other every now and then, he might not last very long...So to fix that problem he may have masturbated earlier in the day so he wouldnt go off too quickly when he was with you... That may have effected his erection also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
In reply to: grl03
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 3:25am

As the others wrote, it is normal. His 'softness' maybe to due to fatique, upcoming illness, or maybe "twice in one week". Two things to remember though: 1) his softness didn't affect his hardness and 2) what is normal for him (hard or soft) will probably not apply to your next man.

XH needed sexual contact to get hard, yet current man gets hard just walking through the door (and he's over 50). As much as I consider that a total turn-on, I do miss taking a soft P***s and orally making it rock hard.

Avatar for elainetwirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
In reply to: grl03
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 10:34am
I have been to bed with quite a lot of guys, and I am not sure that there is any such thing as normal standard issue among males. Even the same men can be one thing with erections one day and something different the next time you get intimate. One of the most important things a woman needs to know is how to touch and fondle a penis so that it gets hard and can then be enjoyed. Elaine
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
In reply to: grl03
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 2:09pm
You all are bringing up good points. I guess I am real naive/inexperienced with the whole erection "process". Like I had mentioned, he was able to come fast once we got started, and I actually enjoyed the feeling of him getting hard in my mouth, usually before I go down on him, he is hard as a rock, but this feeling was so much different. I couldn't help but question why he wasn't hard right away, and I did not want to ask him because I did not want to give him a complex... feeling like he had to be rock hard before I even touched him. However, I have a complex, wondering if the lack of erection right off the bat was a sign that he was not aroused. Thus is the reason I need feedback from all of you..... Another thing I would like insight on....How does it feel for a man to go soft to hard in a women's mouth? Does it feel better for them? Do some men prefer that? It seems that many women do....
Grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
In reply to: grl03
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 2:31pm

Hi Grl03,

You need to understand that even in the best of times, these organs can be very schizophrenic and unreliable. Women who have experience with different men over a period of years already know this, and know that it goes with the territory. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll stop trying to come up with definitive answers where there simply are none. We men are as much in the dark about the 'whys' as you are. We're just appreciative to have you there to help out and work around it, not to come up with answers.

So my advice is to stop asking why this happened and if it is normal or not. It'll only cause frustration, and that won't be good for anyone involved.

>>How does it feel for a man to go soft to hard in a women's mouth? Does it feel better for them? Do some men prefer that? It seems that many women do....<<

Being inside my SO's mouth always feels great to me, regardless of being hard or soft. Obviously, being hard intensifies the experience, as the nerve endings become more engorged with blood. I'm sure every man, and woman, has their own individual preferences.

You need to experiment with your BF until you find the things that bring the most pleasure. You need to learn how to communicate with one another honestly and openly--while you're making love--about what you're enjoying and not enjoying, objectively and without assigning blame--and the things that you might want to try that could work.

It's all a big, wonderful experiment full of infinite possibilities. ENJOY!

E :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
In reply to: grl03
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 11:12pm
Thanks E, for your sensible post. I think that I just freaked a little. I got so used to him one way (always erect) that I thought this was a direct reaction to me. Because of my inexperience, I just didn't know if this was typical, but from everyone's response, it seems to be quite normal.
***Breathing a sigh of relief***
Grl

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