His penis is too big

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
His penis is too big
5
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 1:55am

I've been sleeping with a great guy I really like, but I'm having a problem. His penis is very wide (my experience is limited to one other partner and toys, but he's far bigger than anything else I've ever put in there) and every time we have sex, it hurts quit a bit when we start out. It doesn't hurt afterward and usually it's ok once we start going.

Some info: This is not a problem with a lack of foreplay or lube. He always spends quite a long time on foreplay and gives me oral sex, so I always have orgasms before intercourse. (Sitting here thinking about what he does in that department turns me on) By the time we start I'm stimulated and lubricated and very horny. We use KY jelly (not my favorite lube, but hey, it was cheap). Once we start, he does everything right and moves in all the ways I like, but it hurts when he first penetrates me and then feels like there's just not enough room for him.

This is the second guy I've been with and sex with him hurts more than loosing my virginity did. Two of the three times we've had sex, I bled a little. I've had a pelvic exam since this started and everything is normal anatomically. I've looked with a mirror after sex and I don't seem to be tearing. If I have sex with him enough, will my vagina just stretch out and adjust to his size?

Every time, we've started out in missionary position and sometimes switching positions helps, but the initial pain is really a problem. He feels really bad about hurting me. I've read other posts about this and this really is a situation where all the things that people advised (good foreplay, more lube, me being relaxed, etc) are in place.This guy is really great and I've had enough sex to know that if the size thing weren't an issue it would be amazing, so I'm frustrated. At this point, I'm really looking for advice on positions that work best when a guy is too big around. What are the best positions to start in? A friend tells me that missionary is the worst position in this situation, so I'd like to try something else. I need something that doesn't require being a gymnast. :)

Thanks

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 1:03pm

i had a similar situation once, but the pain wasn't as severe as yours. have you tried being on top, that way you can control the pace which may help to relax you a bit and not cause it to be so painful. the anticipation of pain may be causing you to tense up your body which would result in more pain.

overall, i think you will just have to try the various positions and see what feels better for you. i think with time it will get less painful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 1:36pm

If I'm reading this correctly, you've had intercourse with him 3 times, which means that you're NOT as "relaxed" as you think you are! You probably tensed up when you saw it the first time, and it was painful. The next two times, you're "expecting" pain, and you're not relaxed enough. Give it some time, and when you're more comfortable in the relationship and everything else, it should be fine. You KNOW you're ok physically, and you're using lube, so it's a matter of learning to relax your vaginal muscles, nothing more. You're getting plenty of foreplay, but when it comes time for intercourse, you "think" ouch, and tense up.

Your vagina won't "stretch out" from intercourse with him. They don't stretch out from giving birth, and a baby is way bigger than he is, no matter HOW big he is. It's a matter of relaxing and allowing the muscles to relax, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 12:16am
Yeah, I think you're probably right that I'm too tense. I am intent on making this work. I think it's a matter of finding the right positions..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 12:35am
Positions don't really have anything to do with YOUR problem. No matter what position you use, your vagina has to be fully relaxed to allow him to enter you. Positions can make a difference when a man is too long, and he's hitting your cervix and causing pain...but that's not what's happening here. It's the entry that's painful......and it will be painful no matter what positions you try. Just give it some time.....and any position will be just fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 2:06pm

In addition to relaxing, three thoughts/suggestions:

1. Get a better lube.

I suggest Astro**** or liquid KY.

2. Try penetration before your first orgasm.

I always dry out and tighten up after my orgasm. Because I am less aroused, I don't "stretch" out as well. I am not saying do it all the time or even most of the time (if you don't orgasm during intercourse). But, if you try it once and the intercourse is much less painful, you will be less apprehensive about intercourse in the future. This should allow you to relax later when you have intercourse after your orgasm. Or maybe, you can work it in that he penetrates you, then finishes you orally, then re-penetrates and finishes himself.

3. Change condoms.

If you are using them, it wouldn't hurt to change out to a different brand.