His ways....
Find a Conversation
His ways....
| Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:31pm |
I am so confused and hurt and mostly depressed. If anyone has been reading about me, i recently lost my virginity and the same day i lost my virginity i got pregnant. im 18. i did not keep the baby i got an abortion about a week ago (i was 7 weeks).. when i told my boyfriend the news that i was pregnant he was so nervous and kind of excited... but we both agreed where too young for the baby so thats why i aborted the baby.. but the time i was pregnant he was ALWAYS calling me and talking to me, he was just there!
After the procedure 2 days after actually, he stop calling me and if he does we talk for about 1 minute and he will say "im going to call you back.." and NEVER does, ive been crying myself to sleep everynight and before i told him im depressed and sad about the whole situation and that my body has changed so much after and that i have no friends to talk to.. only him. But now he isnt there, he does go to school and play football for college but still, before all of that NOW.. he was still doing that when we had time to have sex...and when i was pregnant he called me everyday, every hour.. minute... to the point where i was tired of him calling.
But now, im just confused, i wonder why hes acting this way towards me, i didnt get pregnant by myself you know.... ??
When i do talk to him, meaning when he calls me (because when i call his cell he doesnt answer) im going to tell him how i feel and tell him how ive been crying and stressing and if ive been crying and going thru hell these last couple days i mind as well be by myself.. i want him to know that. i love him sooo much but i dont deserve to feel this way.
im not being conceited but i know im very pretty and alot of guys have tryed so hard to be with me lately.. and i push them off. He knows this as well (my bf) but he seems to not care about it.
i dont know i need help, anyone knows why hes acting like this?? what should I do in th situation... im so lonely, scared and stresssed OUT, like crazy!
After the procedure 2 days after actually, he stop calling me and if he does we talk for about 1 minute and he will say "im going to call you back.." and NEVER does, ive been crying myself to sleep everynight and before i told him im depressed and sad about the whole situation and that my body has changed so much after and that i have no friends to talk to.. only him. But now he isnt there, he does go to school and play football for college but still, before all of that NOW.. he was still doing that when we had time to have sex...and when i was pregnant he called me everyday, every hour.. minute... to the point where i was tired of him calling.
But now, im just confused, i wonder why hes acting this way towards me, i didnt get pregnant by myself you know.... ??
When i do talk to him, meaning when he calls me (because when i call his cell he doesnt answer) im going to tell him how i feel and tell him how ive been crying and stressing and if ive been crying and going thru hell these last couple days i mind as well be by myself.. i want him to know that. i love him sooo much but i dont deserve to feel this way.
im not being conceited but i know im very pretty and alot of guys have tryed so hard to be with me lately.. and i push them off. He knows this as well (my bf) but he seems to not care about it.
i dont know i need help, anyone knows why hes acting like this?? what should I do in th situation... im so lonely, scared and stresssed OUT, like crazy!

Pages
i know and its too late now.. because i do blame my mother that i got rid of my baby so fast.. she hates my boyfriend so she immediatetly said "abortion abortion abortion!" once she found out i was pregnant.. with no feelings she said that.... but at the same time i was scared and stressed while i was pregnant throughout the 7 weeks i was ...i was always soo sick and in pain. & like i said thats the only way i felt i could get out of the situation.
Nothing i can do or say now but cry and think about what it would have been like. It kind of hard now because now i hate other people kids, ic ant baby sit like i used to.. i just feel myself being so mean to other peoples children.. is that normal or am i just be cruel?
--
<>
He probably does feel this way because last night on the phone i told him.. "you dont know how i feel and you didnt go through what me and my body went through.." and he said "yes i do".. but i ignored it since i was soo mad. Now i feel bad for coming at him like i did but.. i dont know?!.
Naleiya, what happened is over and done with and no one has a right to judge you so
A few thoughts:
#1 Dont hate you mom over this. She didnt get you pregnant. She has every right to be hurt and upset, she wants the best for your future and when you turn up pregnant she knows your future is in dire jeapordy. She told you what she wanted to do, she didnt force you, it was your decision, dont blame others for your pregnancy or decision to end it. Now if you are willing to put some of the bitterness aside you should go to your mother and ask her for her love and emotional support as you need help dealing with the aftermath of all this. I highly doubt you will find rejection, rather compassion and likely relief that you came to her. I might be wrong I dont know your mother, But I should hope that would be the case.
#2 You mentioned your boyfriend calling all the time while you were pregnant, and your decision to end the pregnancy was very fast. Did You bother to discuss your abortion with him before you did it? That was his child too and he may be hurting as well. I dont think he is going to open up right now by the sound of it. Give him a few days, dont call him... just let him reflect and see what happens. you should also take that time to reflect and heal.
#3 - He isnt going to open up as long as he doesnt feel like you will understand or respect his feelings as well - next time you speak to him yu may try a different approach like "Hey Its been a couple days, How are you feeling about things now? Had a chance to think about it yet?" and let him share something with you.
#4 It occurred to me that concidering your ages, and the fact that it was your first time there is the possibilty that your BF had sex with you> oops got you preggers> Was determined to be responsible> you aborted the child ending his responsibilty> now he is relieved that his freedom is again intact and He is eager to put space between you but doesnt want to hurt you even more by dumping you so he is slowly pulling away instead.
I know that sounds really harsh - But it very well could be what has happened. Give it some time and his intentions will be clear.
You are going to have to do this on your own in the mean time and You need your strength focused on you and your healing process not Him and whats going through his head.
Good Luck and Dont be afraid to call Planned Parenthood - They will be able to offer you free services and support with professionals who deal with this all the time and will not judge.
Edited 9/29/2005 8:12 pm ET ET by allbluff
Edited 9/29/2005 8:15 pm ET ET by allbluff
i understand #2 and #3 and now that i think about it.. he probably is feeling like that.. im not going to call him like you said.. i will let him breathe and i will do the same.. im just always cooped in the house lately and maybe i just need to get out and not think about it...
But yes, i only talked him about the decision of the abortion he just kept asking me "what are we going to do about it?" and he always asked me how i felt... and he told me he wasnt going to rush abortion to me because its my body and its on how im going to feel before and after. But he made sure whatever decision i chose he was going to be there. -- and thats what i expected so thats what made everything so dramatical.
#4 is definetly not whats going through his mind i know that one for sure...weve been together soo long, i made him wait 2 years to have sex with me. he didnt rush me to do i been wanted to do it...just never dreamt that id get pregnant my first time having sex & that we'd ever be in this situation as a couple.
AND MOST OF ALL.. i dont hate my mom. she hasnt treat me any differant i still love her she still loves me all the same just now she knows that im a big girl and im growing up. And some day shes gonna have to like my bf because as far as i know... we are going to be together or know eachother until death do us part. And she doesnt understand that... and i cant make her.
its crazy because before all of this has happened i used to read him like a book.. i knew him soo well. were crazily in love and i know that for a fact & i dont think we can ever be seperated. But this has been a big impact on our lives... scary. we both are just going through something dramatic in our lives as young people. But, we both have to move on from it, and im getting better. i havent cryed anymore and ive been talking to close friends about it and you ALL have given me BIG impact decisions and thoughts so i feel much much better... i thank you guys soo much, what would have i done without IVILLAGE????
I am a little bit doubtful that most clinics/physicians providing abortions really educate the patients as to what they are considering doing.
Why would you be doubtful of that?
I would be interested to know how organizations such as Planned Parenthood fit into this as well.
Planned Parenthood offers full counseling, pre-natal care, a wife variety of women's health services, STD testing, and even prostate testing for men. You can visit their website for more info.
They do present a very realistic explanation of what will happen, possible complications, and take steps to insure the patient is acting of her own free will.
Do they discuss the possible negative consequences with the significant other as well as relationship drawbacks with family members who are involved?
In my experience, they treat the patient the same way they'd treat any other patient - if they want to bring others into the room, they are welcome, but the pregnant woman is the patient. It is ultimately **her** decision and no one else's.
I would be interested in knowing how much of a full case scenario is presented for abortion either way. Pros and cons. You don't have to support it or object to the procedure to present facts. Are these patients educated in specifics prior to the procedure?
Yes. They provide VERY thorough information and counseling, and in my experience, they take great pains to insure that the patient makes her own decision, and not her parents, spouse, BF, best friend, or anyone else.
BTW - one of the reasons I snipped many of your specifics is that you only talked about risks associated with having an abortion. You failed to mention risks associated with carrying a pregnancy (particularly and unwanted one) to term. Objective information has to include both sides.
--
martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963
CL Redbook "Get Inside His Head"
--
martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!
So glad to hear that, naleiya. Hope its a sign of good things in the future.
Both my wife AND I still feel that this is a delicate phase to focus more on the friendship and not put your companionships needs in his basket. Your the decision maker of your own life, though, and we both really do hope you remember that part from now on! :)
In the meantime, what came out of that talk? Where did you two indicate you're going from here on? Did he mention what feelings were about all of this when you talked?
C H A R A C T E R
during our conversation in the beginning we were both asked how eachother was doing and then i told him about stuff that was happened that day.. he kept telling me he wants to see me so we can be together and spend time by ourselves he also told me he wants me to go out this weekend with my girlfriends and have fun because he knows lately i havent been going no where ALWAYS in the house.. we talked about alot of other things that made us laugh and i was telling him i wanted him to sneak over through my room door.. lol.
(no sex though) i still have to wait 2 weeks before i do anything & he knows that--)
it was great! to talk to my babe again. :)
thANK You MR & MRS. Para
"BTW - one of the reasons I snipped many of your specifics is that you only talked about risks associated with having an abortion. You failed to mention risks associated with carrying a pregnancy (particularly and unwanted one) to term. Objective information has to include both sides."
Really? You don't think your "sniping" is also an example of presenting one side? The fact that you "snipped" period demonstrates a partial perspective and a lack of objectivity. At least the other person did not edit opinions they disagreed with in their posts. I thought it was obvious that the poster would not have to ask if the "other side" was presented by these clinics/organizations. They perform and support the abortions. It is common sense to assume that THAT aspect to the considerations would be presented.
As far as I am concerned, you did not answer the specific questions. Are candidates for an abortion told and shown about heartbeats, looks, pain sensation, etc.? I believe those were the specific questions. Don't you? Asking if this information is presented has nothing to do with your opinion on the matter. It is asking a question about what actually happens in the counseling process. It sounds like you don't know or you do not choose to answer. You are too absorbed with the presumed perspective of the other person. I don't believe they ever discussed their personal views.
Pages