His ways....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
His ways....
39
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:31pm
I am so confused and hurt and mostly depressed. If anyone has been reading about me, i recently lost my virginity and the same day i lost my virginity i got pregnant. im 18. i did not keep the baby i got an abortion about a week ago (i was 7 weeks).. when i told my boyfriend the news that i was pregnant he was so nervous and kind of excited... but we both agreed where too young for the baby so thats why i aborted the baby.. but the time i was pregnant he was ALWAYS calling me and talking to me, he was just there!
After the procedure 2 days after actually, he stop calling me and if he does we talk for about 1 minute and he will say "im going to call you back.." and NEVER does, ive been crying myself to sleep everynight and before i told him im depressed and sad about the whole situation and that my body has changed so much after and that i have no friends to talk to.. only him. But now he isnt there, he does go to school and play football for college but still, before all of that NOW.. he was still doing that when we had time to have sex...and when i was pregnant he called me everyday, every hour.. minute... to the point where i was tired of him calling.
But now, im just confused, i wonder why hes acting this way towards me, i didnt get pregnant by myself you know.... ??
When i do talk to him, meaning when he calls me (because when i call his cell he doesnt answer) im going to tell him how i feel and tell him how ive been crying and stressing and if ive been crying and going thru hell these last couple days i mind as well be by myself.. i want him to know that. i love him sooo much but i dont deserve to feel this way.
im not being conceited but i know im very pretty and alot of guys have tryed so hard to be with me lately.. and i push them off. He knows this as well (my bf) but he seems to not care about it.
i dont know i need help, anyone knows why hes acting like this?? what should I do in th situation... im so lonely, scared and stresssed OUT, like crazy!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:02am

"Then I regret that you find my posts uninformative. Other posters seem to have grasped what I was trying to say, so you and I may simply not communicate well. My apologies."

Up to this point, give examples as to where you specifically answered the questions outside of the ultrasound. Give examples of where a poster specifically stated YOU answered the questions. We are communicating fine. I am asking for specifics and you are not giving any. That makes at least two or three who HAVE asked you for specifics.

"I don't believe I indicated whether I "liked" her comments or not."

This is what you called her questions: "a variety of gruesome innuendo" Lots of descriptives there. Does that mean you liked her post?

"Even if she and I had agreed on the underlying issue, I would edit her points to indicate more precisely what I was responding to."

Refer to your comment where you stated your editng was encouraged by "a variety of gruesome innuendo" You did not edit to be precise.

"I addressed the question of whether patients receive adequate counseling. Given that I can't speak for each and every one of the tens of thousands of counselors, doctors, and volunteers at abortion clinics around the country, I believe that addressing specific "do they say this, do they show that" questions is inappropriate. However, I am certain that a phone call to your nearest Planned Parenthood or women's clinic could provide more specific answers relevant to your area."

This still does not answer specifics. An organization like Planned Parenthood should have procedures and guidelines in place for their various locations. If you feel as if they do not or you cannot speak for what goes on in every clinic, then you can speak for your own experiences. Were these specific questions addressed where you were?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:15am

Oh give it up already - You said yourself that you dont feel this post belongs here! so why are you participating?

Why are you coming to the aid of the poster with the original quetions? I'm sure if he or she wanted to they could defend themselves, they certainly dont need your help in that regard.

and for the last time... NO ONE here is a representative of Planned Parenthood and therefore we cannot speak on their behalf only what we know and nothing more...

IF YOU WANT TO DISCUSS IT IN DETAIL - go to the abortion board or Call Planned Parenthood. If you arent willing to do that than you really dont want to know the answers to these questions very much and you demonstrate that the only reason you are still here arguing is for the sake of being argumentative.

oh btw, continuing this way is showing further lack of regard for the OP's feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:26am

This still does not answer specifics. An organization like Planned Parenthood should have procedures and guidelines in place for their various locations.


They do, and a click on http://www.plannedparenthood.org

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2005
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:47am
I don't think that any abortion topic has anything to do with SEX. SEX gets you what may make you want an abortion. No abortion topic belongs ON THIS BOARD whether in support of a person who had an abortion or disagreement about how abortion providers operate. It is way off from being appropriate for anyone who discussed it. You are way off and a little out of line getting angry with posters who asked some questions. You participated in the topic from a different angle. The poster or posters you are angry with did not introduce the topic. These subjects always open a Pandora's Box of discussion. It all needs to move on to a board that handles ALL of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:58am

First off I am not angry Never said I was, rather I am just stating my thoughts on whats going on here. If I were so off balance as to get angry over people I dont know having a arguement that doesnt really effect my life I likely wouldnt be here posting.

And YES this post belongs here because the original poster had already discussed other issues before this with us here and continuing to seek advise and support from this board is reasonable given the history.

What does not belong here is hostility and the "pandoras box".

The questions that were posed did not belong here as the original issue was not abortion, it was seeking advise about her relationship. The issue of abortion was only mentioned as a reference to help us give advise appropriete for her situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 6:11pm

HUH? How do you figure sex, pregnancy, abortion, BC, any mixture, don't belong here? Aren't they all related topics??? We've had much more off-topic threads started, including pets, hurricanes and weather, car issues, books, movies and a slew of others. And NO one told them they were off topic. I don't really know that that is a decision to be made by another poster anyway. Besides, the original purpose of the OP was to talk about her relationship with her SO **after** the procedure. If a relationship doesn't have anything to do with sex...well, I'm lost then.

I'll tell you another thing. When the founder of this board, Chezy, started it, it was an offshoot of the Ask The Sex Expert board. She was tired of being scolded for threads wandering off-topic or trying to post about something other than sex, which *does* happen on any topic board. So this one was started, to give adults the opportunity to discuss sex and relationships AND other things too, with friends.

Why don't we stop this thead here and now, since none of this has anything to do with the OP and I fail to see what good this is doing her now. It seems to have turned into an anti-abortion rant and this is not the debate board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 7:49pm

If anyone wants to debate abortion issues, you can debate whatever topics you would like to here:


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 8:18pm

I was the original poster to this. Lots have been happening! My original comment was in relation to women dealing with relationship issues. I was asking how much abortion providers actually prepare candidates for abortion for possible relationship issues. While asking this, I threw in some other issues and pondered if they were addressed in the counseling process too. I asked these things because the original poster had stated that her boyfriend was appearing to cause her grief and that may have been related to the procedure. She was also discussing her relationship troubles with her mother and that that was due to the pregnancy and procedure. Because the procedure had caused her personal relationship grief, I was asking if the providers in these circumstances provided case senarios and biological information as part of the counseling process. I was doubtful to how "complete" this process is because I have personally known people who stated that they became aware of some "facts" after the procedure that had not been presented to them prior to the procedure.

It is true that I was asking specific questions to think about and I have not seen where anyone has specifically answered if these things are addressed in counseling set-ups. There is at least one poster who claims to have worked in one clinic or counseling setting and is not able to address what I asked. As it relates to her own personal experiences.

This appears to have become a debate about partiality when one poster (martinisnsushi) attempted to make my original post about partiality when it was not related to debating the rights and wrongs of the procedure. It was related to the information aspect presented to patients. I don't feel it was one sided because I was asking from the standpoint of the abortion causing grief or relationship problems. Not having an abortion falls under another set of considerations such as providing for a child, child neglect, etc. An abortion and not having an abortion has their own set of problems. My post was about being well informed and how much women are informed and what the specifics of information are. Not if they should consider and choose a specific part of that information.

Overall idea and how it related the original poster: Was she well informed about what could happen as it relates to her daily relationships? Was the boy experiencing grief due to his not being totally aware or informed as to what would take place? Was the possible lack of a full picture painted part of what was causing the problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 10:24pm
I am not trying to make light of the OP's situation at all. But when you're 18, have sex one time in your whole life, end up pregnant from that, have an abortion within a couple of days of finding out AND have no parents that you can really discuss things with openly, there just may be some issues. And they may not all have to do strictly with the abortion procedure.

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