Ho
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 10-28-2005 - 1:49pm |
Hi there!
I am hoping for some feedback about a situation. Please, be brutal if you feel the need.
I've been dating a great guy now for almost 1 year. Some background is that he's out of town a lot for work (he's a pilot) so we typically only get to see each other once or twice a week. He calls almost daily, sometimes a couple of times a day when he's out of town and when he's in town. We're both clear that neither of us is seeing anyone else and that we don't have to worry about what the other person is doing while he is away. And, I do trust him.
About 2 months ago, I couldn't help myself and let the words "I love you" slip out. He said NOTHING - still hasn't. He DID hold me closer and has been even more attentive and sweet than before since I said it. I don't really regret having said it - but it sure makes me feel a little insecure to STILL not know where I stand with him. He shows me with his ACTIONS that he cares about me a lot. In fact, if it wasn't for this one issue that I'm here to ask about, I would probably not be too insecure at all. The issue is this - we have still not been intimate. I'm not used to being the aggressor, so I've not really pushed things much. When I HAVE pushed a little bit in an attempt to get things going, he usually pulls back. I have noticed a small change in him over the last month or so - he's getting maybe a bit more aggressive. Not much, though. We've still not done much other than a lot of kissing and cuddling. On the one hand, it's been great to get to know him so well as a person before adding in the complexity of sex. I AM glad we've taken our time. However, I'm just starting to wonder now if something is WRONG here. I KNOW that we need to talk about it, I just am not sure how best to start a conversation like this...
HELP!
Edited 10/28/2005 1:51 pm ET by gal_confusedinky

DO NOT START OUT BY SAYING, "We need to talk, . . . " That phrase is the kiss of death to a man. To a man, it actually means, "Shut up and listen you slime ball, I'm going to tell you what you need to ."
Do start out by asking him, "Is it okay if I ask you a question?" And you need to be honest with yourself about that question. That is, it needs to be genuine, not just a rhetorical statement. If you request his permission to ask him that question, then you need to be all right if he says that it is NOT all right to ask him that question. IT needs to be asked in the most loving and accepting spirit that you have.
THANK YOU. You are right - that is a great way to start the conversation. I certainly don't want to do the whole "we need to talk" thing, that is for sure!!
Blonde