? With Holding Sex = Reason for Affair ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
? With Holding Sex = Reason for Affair ?
21
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 3:25pm

I'm watching a Montel Williams episode today, and a woman who has been married several times has started a company with the sole purpose of helping spouses cheat, saying that she has finally discovered that withholding sex from her past husbands is why her marriages ended!!!!

The company supports the idea that if your spouse isn't satisfying you sexually, or is withholding sex from you, then cheating is an acceptable alternative to ending the relationship. The company even acts as a sounding board for the spouse should he/she feel guilty for having an affair. The company gives the straying spouse strategies to cheat without getting caught. This company, and others like it, help you buy services to successfully cheat.

For a complete review, check out Adultery For Sale.

Thoughts?













my partner in the siggy exchange






Edited 10/14/2007 8:14 pm ET by cl-misty_mae




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:00pm

Harumph.


I seem to remember standing up in church and exchanging vows in front of God and witnesses that included 'forsaking all others', and I take those vows pretty seriously. If my marriage reached a point where my needs, sexual or otherwise,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:28pm
I dont

lust-1.jpg image by Case_8290

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 9:03am

I agree 100% with Steve.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 9:56am

I very much agree with you Steve.

I prefer to keep my own closet clear of skeletons, and figure the most important thing a person has going for themselves is their word. Having taken those vows, I interpret them as meaning I need to be true to myself and my spouse. I was shocked to learn that one of these business has 1.5 million clients!

As the show progressed, they moved onto open relationships. I do feel differently about them, as the partners have agreed to experience this (in what ever form they have set). Although that isn't what traditional wedding vows are about, if it is an agreement they have made, something they are both comfortable with, then it's really their right, IMO.

I know my hubby and I have also discussed how we would handle this aspect of our life should one of us become incapacitated for life. I have personally known people in such situations, and I also have different views when it comes to that. Hubby and I both feel taking a lover under those circumstances would be encouraged, for many reasons.













my partner in the siggy exchange




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:22am
*As the show progressed, they moved onto open relationships. I do feel differently about them, as the partners have agreed to experience this (in what ever form they have set). Although that isn't what traditional wedding vows are about, if it is an agreement they have made, something they are both comfortable with, then it's really their right, IMO.*

Misty, I agree with you about consensually open relationships. In the context of the views I expressed in my post, I was really referring to things which are done without the knowledge or permission of the other partner. While DW and I are fairly certain that monogamy is the right path for us, I certainly wouldn't attempt to claim that it's the right course for everyone. I wrote something about this a while ago in my iConnect blog with regard to characters in stories that I write for the Fantasies board: that while my characters may from time to time engage in extramarital sex, they most certainly do not 'cheat'.



*I know my hubby and I have also discussed how we would handle this aspect of our life should one of us become incapacitated for life. I have personally known people in such situations, and I also have different views when it comes to that. Hubby and I both feel taking a lover under those circumstances would be encouraged, for many reasons.*



DW and I have also discussed this, and I agree with you here also.







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:29am
Bears, I agree that when sex is being withheld, there is usually something much deeper going on in the relationship. Working together to solve the problems seems like a much better solution, while having an affair, seems to just add to the problem. I always think about the excuse it gives the other person too. Even if most of the problems in the relationship were caused by one person (rare), if their partner has an affair and gets caught, it allows the problem to be brushed under the rug even further. That can be a very big price to pay in most instances.












my partner in the siggy exchange




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:32am
Great points rain_dancer. I have found throughout most of life -- creating one problem to solve another is usually a bad idea.












my partner in the siggy exchange




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:34am
Must be the Scorpio in us that makes us think so much alike, Steve!












my partner in the siggy exchange




iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 8:13pm
I have a lot to add to this post, however one thing bothered me most! The vows are great and I understand you and Steve's insight, however IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH, is also in there, however both of you said after a serious injury or something that changed their way to perform it would be ok. I hope I didn't read a double standard in the vows there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 8:56pm
Not a double standard at all... rather a set of circumstances in which DW and I have mutually agreed that one of us having sex outside our marriage would be acceptable should they occur. I still draw a very firm line between mutually consensual extramarital sex... and cheating.







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