Hope I'm in the right spot!
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Hope I'm in the right spot!
| Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:42pm |
A 'friend' of mine caught her husband masturbating to a pic of his ex-wife. She went ballistic. I don't see anything wrong with it. I equate it to the same as fantasizing about an entertainer, musician, actor, etc., all fantasy features. What do you guys think? What should I tell her?
And, no, the friend definitely ain't me, coz my DH doesn't even have an ex!
~Chris~



I gonna stray from the other two posts a little. While it definitely hits home when it is someone you know versus a made up fantasy or celebrity, it COULD be just as harmless.
As men are generally more visual, it could be that the picture sets off a memory in his mind, so that he can visualize it better. Since he's never had sex with say, J-Lo, he can't visualize that as easy as he can sex with his ex.
Not saying he's right or wrong, just saying that it is entirely possible he can masturbate to a picture of his ex and not still be in love with her, or obsessed ro anything.
Yeah I really don't see a big deal about it either. After all they were together in the past so I assume he was attracted to her then and probably now.
Oh, since it was mentioned, I have told DW she cannot have any affairs. However if Denzel Washington or Antonio Banderas approach her she has a free pass with them. Celebrities are fair game since no one would believe you anyway. I could have wild animal sex with Ashley Judd but no one believe me so its like it never happened !!
mb
I think you're missing the point, boys. Harmless or not, IF it hurts his wife, and of course it will, then he shouldn't be doing it! Common sense should dictate here.
Being more sensitive and empathetic to one's spouse, whether you understand their point of view or not, will go a long way toward domestic tranquility.
As I said, try putting yourself in her place. How would YOU like walking in on your wives fantasizing to pictures of their exes. I doubt you'd like it either.
What he thinks about as he masturbates is HIS business but if he's using a picture of his EX to do so, then he's out of line. He's now married to a different woman and that's the ultimate in being disrespectful, IMO. Well....short of actually having sex with his EX, that is. But to HER, he IS, in his mind, and that's bad enough.
Edited 3/16/2005 11:00 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Hi,
Have agree with the women here guys...I too think it's out of line to masturbate to a picture of his ex. YES, it is still fantasy, but it's fantasy with an attachment. Masturbating to a picture of Angelina Jolie is purely an image or a character in the mind. She's inaccessable and there is not REAL emotional attachment to her. With his ex-wife there definitely is an old emotional attachment and therefore there is much more potential to bring up painful feelings for his new wife.
Sure he could just visualize his ex and use fantasy and/or memory to become aroused, but that would be within the privacy of his own thoughts. Although, I think even that is unhealthy for him and for his relationship, as it would be easy to slip over the line and begin to have conflicted feelings....just not the best idea IMO. If he needs visual stimulation or fantasy fine...pick up a Playboy or create an imaginary sexual relationship with Pamela Anderson. If I were his friend I would recommend focusing his attention on his current marriage so that he doesn't end up masturbating to a picture of his NEW ex-wife.
Peace.
Scott.
I have to agree with Scott
''Have agree with the women here guys...I too think it's out of line to masturbate to a picture of his ex. YES, it is still fantasy,''
Although there may be more to it than that
My love works up to 5 nights a week and I work split shifts so we have only a little time together- certainly none without the kids around.
The desire just does not go away, I have asked her to let me take some pictures of her in lingerie etc - but no go, so I would have to masturbate or fantasize looking at someone else if the urge took me.
Just my thoughts
cheers Jacobiteone
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
>>Common sense should dictate here.<<
I agree with that, but at the same time I can easily see how he could have done it and still not have any desire or emotional interest in his ex. Mainly because I've done it myself. I once discovered an old video tape of my ex and I having sex. As far as I am concerned Hell would have to freeze over before I ever want anything to do with my ex again, but in all honesty I found her attractive then, and there certainly are, ummm, 'aspects' of her that I still found attractive after we broke up. I can admit that I masturbated as I watched the tape on several different occasions. I ended up destroying it because I felt guilty about it and a little disrespectful to my current partner. But yeah, I was aroused by it even though she was my ex and I was with someone-else now.
What does that mean about the state of my current relationship? I don't know. I think that it's healthy enough. I don't think that masturbating to images of my ex has harmed it or, frankly, had any impact at all.
Maybe common sense should dictate, but humans and especially men, don't always allow commonsense in the door. This guy's partner has a right to be upset, but at the same time she shouldn't go overboard about it and turn a molehill into a mountain.
So far, no male has bothered to answer the question.
How would YOU feel if you caught your SO doing the same? Honestly, I can't imagine that ANY man would be comfortable with that. I know my DH wouldn't. And that's where the "common sense" comment came in.
And whether it was a meaningless act or not (who are we to say whether it was or wasn't for THIS guy), and regardless of his continued sexual attraction to his ex....he got caught en flagrante' WITH the evidence, a picture, and he will have to deal with her reaction.
Unfortunately for him, just using common sense would have prevented all the turmoil. But, whether she ever found out about it or not, it's just wrong on so many levels.
Now, though, his new wife KNOWS that he still fantasizes about his ex and there will be consequences to that. I'm sure there will be trust issues for some time to come.
Edited 3/17/2005 12:18 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001