"The Hot Button Sex Question"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
"The Hot Button Sex Question"
16
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 2:01pm

The Hot-Button Sex Question


http://www.tangomag.com/20072009/can-you-orgasm-from-intercourse-alone.html/3


Posted By tangomag On October 19, 2007 @ 4:27 pm In Articles, Feature, Intimacy & Communication, PLS Married, ST Sex, Sex -Main | 8 Comments



Sophie*, 27, and Janine, 30, were headed down to the corner deli for their usual breakfast: bagels with cream cheese, tomato, and onion. Coworkers and close friends outside the office, for the past three years they had chewed over just about everything together-dating disasters, same-sex experimentation, their divergent definitions of feminism. Still, Janine paused mid-bite when Sophie said, out of the blue: “I’m polling my girlfriends, so I wanted to ask: Do you need to use your hands to orgasm
when you have sex?”


In this age of frank talk about getting it on-courtesy of six seasons of Sex and the City-suddenly, everyone’s a sexpert. It’s not only accepted, but expected, that we dissect our love lives over brunch. And it’s rare that any racy inquiry has conversation-stopping powers.


With one exception. Now, we’ve moved beyond the yes-or-no question of whether friends orgasm-to the new dishy issue du jour: how, exactly, we all get there. His hands? Yours? A little help from a vibrator? Is intercourse a sure-fire autobahn to ecstasy for everyone? Is an orgasm from penetration alone somehow better? And if it doesn’t work for you, does that mean something’s wrong?


Your Orgasm, Explained
Facts first: 80 percent of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone, says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. Still, “many women are socially wired to expect to orgasm via penetration,” he says.


The good news? An orgasm achieved through penetration isn’t a better, more intense, or a more “real” sexual experience than any other. To understand why requires clearing up a common misconception: “There’s no such thing as a pure vaginal orgasm,” says Kerner. “The path to consistent, satisfying female orgasms is through clitoral stimulation.”


Now, here’s the rub: You may be stimulating your clitoris without knowing it. “Many people think of the clitoris as the little nub that’s hidden by the clitoral hood
and juts out of the body,” says Carolyn Riccardi, education coordinator at Babeland, a female-friendly sex shop in New York City. “But that’s not the case. The clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone. The clitoral ‘legs’ extend back into the body-so when a woman is penetrated, the clitoris is responding to sensation.”


The bottom line: “All orgasms are created equal,” says Riccardi. Reassuring, but aren’t you still curious? If only one in five women orgasms from intercourse alone, how do the rest get off: One-handed, no-handed, go-to sex toy? In the spirit of full disclosure, I asked friends and strangers alike to share their secrets.


The Haves and The Have-Nots
So, who can do it no-handed-and who can’t? “My first orgasm was from penetration,” confesses Julie, 27. “I’ve always been able to get off, no hands needed. My friends get jealous when I tell them that, but I’m actually jealous of them!” Julie had to learn how to have an orgasm from oral sex-or by self-stimulation. “I thought something was wrong with me!” she laments.


Firmly entrenched on the other side of the fence is Paige, 36. “It’s my biggest goal in life to orgasm during sex without manual manipulation,” she says. “I always feel like I’m getting close, and then I just can’t peak.” (To get her there, her boyfriend usually stages a manual intervention.) While she has no critiques regarding their technique, Riccardi suggests Paige try to enjoy the process rather than focus on the end goal. “Sometimes when you have goal-oriented sex, you miss out on the pleasure,” she says.


A common phenomenon, actually. Only Lauren, 32, started fretting about her orgasms after the fact. “I was never able to get off without manual reinforcement-until I started sleeping with a guy I called ‘four-minute man,’” she laughs. “When
he was on top, I would have an orgasm in four minutes flat.” Lauren got busy trying to figure out why: “He wasn’t someone I was in love with or even totally attracted to,” she says. Her surprising discovery? “I finally determined it was because he had a bit of a Buddha belly. The extra pressure was assisting me in the orgasm!”


There’s one reason to embrace his beer gut. But there are other ways to reach the hallowed O, whether your partner is thick or thin: “We often forget that stimulating the pubic bone, thighs, and belly can really add up to the ability to orgasm,” says Riccardi. Which may explain the lucky position that Katrina, 25, has come to rely on. She gets on top, “putting my legs straight behind me so they are lying on top of his,” she says. “The angle works every time.”


It might, concedes Riccardi. “There’s not one secret position that offers the greatest orgasmic possibility for everyone. We often discover which position works for us and stick with it.” Which brings us full circle: The secret to satisfying sex? Not being afraid to talk about-or experiment with-what works best for you.


Colleen Oakley is a writer in Atlanta. Polling her friends for this piece taught her the true meaning of “too much information.”


*Some names have been changed.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 4:47pm

Sex articles, sexual information......can be interesting.......but not always entirely true, or correct.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 5:41pm
It is interesting to read the theories presented here, and I've heard the one about the clitoris being stimulated from inside the vagina. While I'm not sure that the nerve endings and such don't extend toward the vagina, and can't be stimulated from within the vagina at times (or for some people), I'm not willing to buy the theory that is the only reason for vaginal orgasms.



As a matter of fact, I think Riccardi hit on a couple of good points ...

"We often forget that stimulating the pubic bone, thighs, and belly can really add up to the ability to orgasm."

Lest not forget that some women have orgasms in their sleep, or with nipple stimulation, or through other means that involves NO clitoral stimulation -- NO way, NO how.

I very much agreed with him on this ...

"“There’s not one secret position that offers the greatest orgasmic possibility for everyone. We often discover which position works for us and stick with it.” Which brings us full circle: The secret to satisfying sex? Not being afraid to talk about-or experiment with-what works best for you."



As for Ian Kerner saying "“There’s no such thing as a pure vaginal orgasm. The path to consistent, satisfying female orgasms is through clitoral stimulation.”

I wish Mr. Kerner could grow a clitoris. While the majority of women who orgasm will do so with consistent & satisfying clitoral stimulation .... there are things that Mr. Kerner clearly has not experienced.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 5:57pm
I am usually amazed when a male expert can speak so conclusively about a woman's body, knowing that he has never had one or been one to begin with.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 8:55pm

"Lest not forget that some women have orgasms in their sleep, or with nipple stimulation, or through other means that involves NO clitoral stimulation -- NO way, NO how."


With me, the nipple stimulation feels as though my clitoris IS getting stimulated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 8:55pm

"It might be possible that the nerve endings in the clitoris divide......to go around the Skene's glands."


I think that may be what the article was trying to say.


"thru the urethra......just as a man's ejaculate does."


Not sure if the jury is still out on that - it could be released through the skene's gland if the gland has an opening which is right next to the urethra.


"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 12:47am

"Not sure if the jury is still out on that - it could be released through the skene's gland if the gland has an opening which is right next to the urethra."


The Skene's glands open into the urethra, just as the prostate does in a male.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 5:26pm

I saw this...


Research suggests that female ejaculate originates from Skene's gland.



Research suggests that female ejaculate originates from Skene's gland.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 9:34pm
as a guy I have a question. Many women state that the best position for them is doggie. Is the clit being stimulated or what is getting you off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 11:39pm
Because the position, depending on what "stance" you're using, is probably hitting the "g" spot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 12:16am

I don't know where that picture is from, but it's DOCTORED!

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