How am i going to get through tomorrow?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
How am i going to get through tomorrow?!
19
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 2:29pm

Ok

Well tomorrow my gf has her first softball game since last week. I found about her past sexual partners on sat night when we talked, and the softball coach is one of them. I have went to all her games this year without knowing about this and now i know the two of them use to sleep together.

I feel sick to my stomach now and I know its going to be soo much worse tomorrow if I go to her game. Because I am actually going to see this guy there. All I picture in my mind is them two together having sex. I want to throw up. I feel so nauseous and upset. If I dont go to the game she is going to knwo this is really bothering b/c I have not missed a single game of hers. If I do go its going to be so hard for me.

I dont know how Im going to get through tomorrow.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 2:56pm

You are going to have to let go of her past!


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 3:05pm

Then don't go. Why make her miserable just because you are? You have a choice. You can either allow petty jealousy to ruin this great relationship for you, or you can make a concerted effort to forget it and let it go. But the ball's in your court.

One way or another, you'll likely have the same problem with the next girl you get involved with, so why not start tackling this problem NOW? It is time to grow up!




Edited 5/25/2005 3:09 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 6:59pm
You'll give yourself a heart attack if you keep up this non-sense. She doesn't get bugged out over your past lovers, so why do this? You're going to kill your relationship. I almost did with my husband because of the same exact thing. You have yourself to blame for being so sick. Do you want to lose your girlfriend? What? Did you say no? GOOD..Then do yourself a big favor and get over it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:50pm

A few simple reminders and a different way of thinking than you are using.

Its possible a woman (your girlfriend) and or (some of the ladies on this board might be able to confirm this) has to ride a few cowboys before you so she/they would know a good one to ride when he comes along. (pun intended..LOL)

You are in the saddle..They aren't. Enjoy the ride.

Also you don't appear to have considered that they also know you are in the saddle and they aren't. How do you think they feel??????????

I would rather be you (in the saddle) than them (not in the saddle).

I think you should go to the ball game and tell her you are looking forward to an "Around The World Grand Slam" with her after she hits a home run while in earshot of this guy. LOL

Grow up and be the man about this that you are.....You stud muffin!!! LOL

Congratulations!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 12:02am

>> your g/f made a BIG mistake by telling who these guys were that she slept with. <<

I think that he probably asked or at least was interested to hear about it. Alcohol can impair judgement.

To the OP: There's not much to be done except to suck it up and be a man about this one. You willingly found out some information that you, later, didn't want to know. The ONLY thing that has changed is that YOU know now. Before she told you, SHE knew about it, and the softball guy knew about it too. They weren't in a relationship when you can along. They could have been, but they weren't. So obviously whatever they had is over now. Finsihed. Get over it.
Frankly I'd be cheesed off if my g/f had NOT told me that they had "dated" in the past and I found out through the grapevine.

You have to realise that very, very few people that you meet ever settled down with the first person that they ever had sex with. Everyone! Has! Had! Sex! With! Someone-else!

Heck. Even you've probably had sex with other women before. Get over it or you are going to screw this relationship up over something that everyone has to deal with. Face it, you could the next ex-b/f on the list and the next new b/f isn't likely to have the same problem with you as you have had with the last one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 9:42am

she doesnt need to bug herself out over past lovers of mine. there all names with no faces. 3 of hers she and i still say currently.

1) her softball coach when i go to her games

2) the bartender at the bar who sponsers the softball team who' family is also very close with her family

3) one guy she works with at the hospital

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:25am

Then why don't you lock her in the house and not let her out so that you can feel better about yourself. I think she ought to leave you for being so childish about this. Should she quit her job at the hospital because one ex works there? Should you two stop going to the bar because one ex works there? Should she quit playing ball because her one ex is her coach? Should she stop living her life so that you can feel better about yourself?
Have you ever read "To Kill A Mockingbird"? There's a part in that book about walking in someone else's shoes. Why don't you sit there before you reply back about how sick you are over her exes and think about how YOU would feel if she was doing this to you. Ask yourself these questions:

1)If Sally was acting this immature and childish over my past, how would I feel?
2)If Sally did nothing but mope and cry about my past, how would I feel?
3)If Sally got sick everytime I stepped out of the house because of my past, how would I feel?
4)If Sally was this insecure, would I stay with her?
5)If Sally couldn't get over my past, would I want a future with her?

I'll tell you, before you tell me I don't know, I've BTDT. Before my husband and I got married, I was privvied to some information I wish I hadn't of known. I was super insecure about it and wasn't relenting. It impaired our relationship a great deal. One night, after I wouldn't let up, he sat me in a chair and he looked at me and he asked me these questions:
1) Who lives with me?
2)Who do sleeps in my bed?
3)Who do I make love to?
4)Who do I love?
5)Who do I want to marry?

The answer to all those questions was me. Once I realized how destructive my immaturity and insecurities about his past was, I was able to get over it. I mean, c'mon, one of his past flings was our neighbor. She's currently making us a baby gift for our baby. Do I want it? No. Do I like her? No. But, I'm not going to be insecure anymore because I know that in my heart, I am my husband's best. I don't need to wonder about those other women seeing him naked. I don't need to wonder if he's comparing me to them. He doesn't have time when I'm rocking his world. And he doesn't get bent about my past either. What I did before him is none of his business. What he did before me was none of my business. There's history for a reason, to learn and move on. You need to do the same or she will leave you. What kind of relationship will you two have if its filled with your insecurities? There's no room for anything more with your insecurities and inability to get off her back for a few minutes. If you're not careful, she'll leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:29am
Take pride in looking at this man and saying to yourself..."She's with ME now, and she's loving every bit of it." Look at him as though HE lost out cause he wasn't good enough for "your" hot babe!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 11:35am

It amazes me how competitive some men are when it comes to sex. It's so hypocritical that women should remain celebate(virgins) to protect a man's ego, while it's perfectly acceptable for men to "sow their oats." For all of time, women have had to accept the fact that the men she may end up with have most likely had multiple partners. They were conditioned to accept it. Why shouldn't it be the same with men? You have to accept that women are sexual beings, just like men are(and some men mistakenly believe they're MORE sexual than women). The only thing I can think of is that YOU are thinking about the women you had sex with in the past and you compare your SO to them...so you're projecting that she's doing the same, when that's most likely(I've never done it), not the case at all.

I suggest you do some research on the internet about the madonna/whore complex. It's very similar thinking.




Edited 5/26/2005 1:00 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 4:48pm
Yes, if the OP's GF can accept that he's had other lovers, then there's simply no reason why he can't, as well. If he chooses to.

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