how to break it to him?
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how to break it to him?
| Mon, 09-27-2004 - 9:20am |
I have been with a guy for about 3 months now, he is 25 and I am 22. We started having sex quite soon after we started going out(about 2 weeks into the relationship). The thing is, I cannot orgasm just thru penetration, only when receiving oral sex or by stimulating the clitoris with a finger...
now, to avoid making him feel bad, I have been faking an orgasm every time. I have not allowed him to give me oral sex yet (he is more than willing) and he isn't much for the fingering. So now I feel like I should tell him that I actually can't cum through intercourse so that we can change things a little bit. But at the same time, he is HUGE on honesty(I am too but I lied about this to not make him feel bad) and I am quite afraid he will be very mad at me for lying to him like that. So I am not sure what to do. I don't want to tell him but at the same time I want to make sex more pleasurable for me as well...
now, to avoid making him feel bad, I have been faking an orgasm every time. I have not allowed him to give me oral sex yet (he is more than willing) and he isn't much for the fingering. So now I feel like I should tell him that I actually can't cum through intercourse so that we can change things a little bit. But at the same time, he is HUGE on honesty(I am too but I lied about this to not make him feel bad) and I am quite afraid he will be very mad at me for lying to him like that. So I am not sure what to do. I don't want to tell him but at the same time I want to make sex more pleasurable for me as well...

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Explain to him that most women cannot orgasm through intercourse alone without clitoral stimulation or unless he's directly hitting your g-spot.
Why lie in order not to hurt feelings or
So, for sake of hurting his feelings, I would just sorta start fresh and just say you would like to try something new, then tell him or show him what you would like to 'try'.
Maybe this will work!
I totally agree with everything you just said. It is something that just happens sometimes, and if both partners trust and understand each other, than they will understand this. Not everybody can be 'perfect' like the people in porno flicks either! It's definately not a perfect situation every time, and as long as both people understand each other (and expect them to just be themselves), there shouldn't be anything to be embarrassed about.
Sometimes my fiancee just can't orgasm while having intercourse. He will make sure I get satisfied (which doesn't always happen!), then I will either finish him off by doing oral (if that's what he wants to do), or I will just 'pay him back' another time.
Sometimes if I'm just not into having sex (cramps, crappy day, etc!), I will just give him oral and make sure he is pleased because I know that he will always take care of me another time. It just goes both ways, and we both totally understand what is going on w/each other because we communicate.
You should tell your BF that you are really not having orgasms and you faked them to avoid making him feel bad. He will understand and do all that he can to satisfy you in other ways. But you have to be open and honest from here on as to what your needs are and how he can best satisfy those needs. Good luck.
Your second mistake was faking, which you realize now. You have two choices.....be honest, and tell him what you did and why you did it......or figure out some way to introduce clitoral play along with the intercourse.
If it was me, I'd be honest. He'll get over it.
I've gotta admit, I would find a man lying about ED totally unacceptable.
I agree with the direct approach more also when it comes to sex talk. Hopefully the men involved are the type that will recognize that it simply is a myth that allll women enjoy orgasms from intercourse and that they (the men) really CAN produce those incredible orgasms in their women but just in other ways.
Sometimes I think its just best to grab some of these men by the ear lobe and drag 'em over to the monitor so they can learn some of this stuff themselves, LOL. I'd like to think they'd be receptive to learn some of these things from actually. ;)
These are great replies here.
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