How Can I get Him To Be ROUGH??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
How Can I get Him To Be ROUGH??
9
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:22pm
Ok, I've been seeing this dude for about 3-4 months now and the sex is good even thought he doesn't EAT at my place (::wink wink::). I can deal with that BUT I want him to be rougher in bed. I've tried asking him indirectly but his reply is NOTHING. Any suggestions?
Thankx
A Bad Little Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:42pm
Jesus he ought to call my bf for pointers. He can be very, very rough. When I first started dating him I wondered if I would live through the experience. On the i/c and especially oral he can be extremely rough but when you relax and just enjoy it it's really amazing, definitely life-changing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:50pm
That's what I want. I need to know how I can make him understand without making it seem like I don't enjoy want we have. He says he's shy about things and "doesn't want to hurt me", I'm like WHY THE HE!! NOT?!?!?!?!
Thankx
Broken
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:54pm
Oh my doesn't eat at your place, OMG, well seems that is natural and you want him to be rough, but he won't do what I think is so wonderful and normal,hmmmm, not sure it will happen for you sadly.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 2:10pm

I can tell you one thing for sure. If you want a man to do something DON'T BE INDIRECT !! I like having my hair gripped firmly and tugged at, just like I enjoy a good spanking. Pain has a different effect when your body is producing endorphins during sex for some of us.

Next time he is really enjoying himself take his hand and put it in your hair and tell him to grip it firmly. Or whatever else you want him to do. It doesn't pay to be indirect with a man LOL. They don't think that way.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:01pm

Welcome to the board brokenkitten. Sorry to hear your guy is trying to close your restaurant down (LOL).

Some people are afraid to get rough, and sometimes you can coach them to be rough. While he might be shy, you can show him what you like. One way is to be a little rough with him. Another is to use your hands on your body or introduce toys that might lend themselves to being on the rough side.

I usually do think a direct approach, telling him what you want, is the best thing; however, I know that it doesn't always work out so well when I do that with DH. If it appears he is "staging" the act (like dirty talk or whatever), then it's just not fun. Now, if you wait until the heat is boiling, and you use dirty talk to tell him what you want him to do to you, you will probably get a more favorable response. If he does do something a little rough (like a smack on the ass), then encourage him. Let him know how much you enjoyed it and perhaps he will take that as a clue to do it more.



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





my partner in the siggy exchange





iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 7:01pm

You have to let him know that it's absolutely okay. It is hard for a guy to let loose if he is subconsciously worried about hurting the girl.

My last gf sometimes liked it somewhat rough; it was easy because I didn't particularly care about her, it was more of a lust-only thing. Now, for the past several months I have been dating a girl I really care about. Once when I was a bit annoyed with her I was quite rough with her having sex -- we almost broke the bed and then I gave her a really messy facial -- and she absolutely loved the whole thing and let me know in no uncertain terms.

Then I tried it a few more times when I wasn't at all annoyed. It is very confusing to me that she LOVES it, far beyond what I would have thought. No spanking or wierd stuff, just very hard i/c and very very very hard bjs. I'm speechless that such a sweet, smart, petite girl likes doing it that way. Most girls I've been with would run for their lives.

If you want any other thoughts on how to get him to amp it up just email me (I'm pretty sure the link works although I am not positive).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 8:26pm
Thanks for all the great advise. The only time he even attemped to ALMOST get rough was when we were really pissed off at each other and he bit me and pulled hair, I achevied (sp? sorry) the big "o". and he said he was sorry!!!I was like "oh, no don't be sorry that's the best sex we've had in a while" his responce was "well I won't hurt you again".
I am not a small fragile girl, (thick girl kick butt!!!) and he is used to dating smaller women that are in his age group and I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the not being rough or the closing down of my reasturant =(
Now I'm self concious about it.
Thanks,
Broken
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 8:52pm
Hi Brokenkitten. I second the suggestion not to try the indirect approach with guys, and just come out and tell him what you want instead. Guys are notoriously BAD at picking up on subtle hints. I'm also going to post a link for you (Domination for nice guys) that might be a little kinkier than what you're looking for -- or it might not -- but the general idea is the same, and it might be helpful to have your guy check it out.

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdniceguy.html

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:23am

Hi Broken :)

You already got most of the advice I'd give, but I thought I'd pitch in. Definitely tell him directly. Do you guys talk about your sex life after sex? Out of the bedroom? I usually talk about sex in general and it always comes back to our sex life eventually, so it's a great way to talk outside the bedroom. In fact, saying "I go to these sex boards . . " works great as a starter for me ;).

Anyway, I had a similar experience where I went from a rough guy to one who just wasn't giving it me quite hard enough sometimes, although I loved what we had. Luckily I told my boyfriend back in the beginning that I liked it all kinds of ways just when we were casually chatting, so it set it up that I wasn't criticizing what we were doing, just expanding our horizons (so you might want to start by talking about boundaries and what you will and won't try). Within the first week we had an episode of heated passion, and after laying there talking about how awesome it was, I simply asked out of curiousity, "so did you think that was hard?" (aka rough). He looked at me kinda funny said "yeah." I was like "really? . . . huh, interesting." (he was my second partner so I was still trying to figure out much sex changed from person to person, so it really was curiousity). Then of course he was like, "why? was it not hard enough for you?" I was like, "no it was good, I've just had it harder." He was like "really? well, we'll have to see what we can do next time." I didn't intend to lead him into this discussion or even be that indirect, I was just curious to know if we'd just had "rough sex" by his definition and then was shocked when he said yes, so it came out rather clumsily.

So now it's an open topic of discussion and we've progressed to much harder and even gotten out the ropes (I'm not into spanking or pain really, and my boyfriend told me that he wouldn't be able to do that anyway, but we have made it much rougher). Oddly enough, he enjoys my unconscious biting, so I think it's worked out for everyone :).

Good luck!