How can I tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
How can I tell him?
5
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 12:17am

Hi,
I recently started dating this guy and the sex is not so wonderful. We have only had sex a couple of times since we started dating. Its not so good....its like we do it for a long time but he doesnt get off. Is it doomed to stay this way or could it get better once we are used to eachother?

I have a hard time voiceing what gives me pleasure when a guy doesn't know what to do...it seems like NO one knows what they are doing. I mean I was with a guy for 6 years and I had to teach him but now I'm 26 and I date guys my age and no one I have been with really knows how to make me orgasm. While I would like to be with a guy who knows the deal...i find myself once again not in that situation. I don't want to give up on the guy because he is a sweetie...

So...how can I voice my concerns to get him on the right page? I feel like I am old enough to be able to speak up but im just so timid/embarrased about it or somthing I just can't find the way to do it...

Does anyone have some insight on this?

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 12:23am

Yes, it'll get better because it's new for both of you, and neither of you is relaxed and comfortable with each other yet. Give it some time.

As for you what you need, AND what he needs, everyone is different, and it's not a matter of how many other women or men either of you has been with, everyone wants and needs different things. How can either of you know what the other one wants unless you talk about it, ask him what he likes, tell him what you like, and work on it.

He can't "make" you have an orgasm, but he can do whatever it takes so that you do have one, but he can't if you don't tell him how.

You two are doing the most intimate thing two people can do....and there's no reason you can't talk about it. He might be thinking the same thing you are.....and that might be why he's taking so long......because you're not doing what HE needs. Start talking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 7:27pm
I definitely think you need to tell him what gives you pleasure and what doesn't. How did you "teach" the other person you were dating? The key thing is to be sensitive and consider his feelings. When both of you are just hanging (in a "non-sexual" setting) out you can discuss what both of you like and dislike, so you'll both have an idea of what each other want. When both of you are "in the act" (for lack of a better word) you can make him know what feels good by saying "that feels good" and stuff like that (in a sexy way of course), but I wouldn't go into too much detail with things you don't like because that can be a mood killer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2007
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 5:18pm
Honey - just be open an honest with him. Talking about sexual activities is embarassing for a lot of people to bring up to their partner, however communication is an important role in the relationship. Let him know! Or try and think of new ways to show him what you like in the bedroom. Don't give up..and don't be afraid, if he cares about you and your needs and wants he'll understand!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 7:21pm

Okay, thanks for the advice...things are getting better and I am getting more comfortable with him and I think I can be more open with him when I become even more comfortable. I guess i am working on it gradually...but i think he does care so I believe he will be willing to listen...

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:16am

Glad that things are going better for you. It sounds like your guy might be a bit shy too, but it's been my experience that guys LOVE for girls to let them know what they like in bed. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it, use body language, moans & groans to let him know when he's on the right track. Chances are if you aren't enjoying yourself as much as you could be that he isn't either -- and once you start opening up to him, he will most likely open up to you too.

Sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns ;-)