How to dissuade a flirty friend?
Find a Conversation
How to dissuade a flirty friend?
| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 11:07am |
How do I politely ask my friend to stop hitting on my b/f? She is very beautiful and clearly her flirting is going pretty darn far. I mean hopefully I'm quite pretty too -- not too too worried about that. But she dresses a combination of innocent and sexy and she's clearly getting some of his attention and enjoying it. Yesterday she had on a beautiful gauzy sundress, blatantly with nothing underneath it. This is pretty silly if true that she's after a bald 40-year-old guy with glasses -- but I make him sound worse than he is, despite all that he's so yummy. And clearly has gotten the attentions of some amazing women, i think it's just that he's smart, sure of himself but not cocky and just very easy to get along with.
I HATE to bring it up with her ... she'll say, "what? i'm not interested in _him_" but clearly she is.

Pages
Leticia
If you're more interested in resolving this without damaging the friendship too much, then perhaps you could let her know you simply feel that her actions just seem a little too flirty and that you would definitely like her to tone it down or stop being too friendly altogether. Even if she doesn't deserve it, you're showing an interest in keeping her friendship by not flat out accusing her of certain motives; plus, this gives her a chance to change and an opportunity to show that she didn't mean any harm.
If you're convinced she just wants your man, then of course the direct approach, along with showing her the door!, LOL, is the way to go. Just my two cents AND experience with what wifey and I have already been through.
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
If she was a good friend, she wouldn't be doing this, so just tell her how you feel, and then you'll find out what a "good" friend SHE is, too.
Christy, I really don't get all this ratings stuff.
when you say things like 'i don't blame him' for being attracted 'she's a 10'...i guess i wonder...if you're not seeing yourself as being good enough for him.
take a look at your own confidence in yourself and consequently this relationship...these kinds of insecurities TEND to become self-fulfilling prophecies- IF you believe he probably doesn't want you as much as someone else cuz you're only a "9" and there are "10's" out there, like another poster said, you're going to become a 4!! be confident...he's WITH YOU and not her!!
and in the mean time- perhaps since you're still in early stages, maybe not spend time with this friend...but what's important for you AND your friend to realize, is that whatever her intentions MAY be- you are feeling that she's flirting with your guy...and that's simply the end of the story. you need to tell her that her flirtatiousness is making you feel uncomfortable and whether she realizes she's making you feel that way, she is...and if she's a REAL friend...she'll QUICKLY ammend her behavior and make sure you are feeling ok...if she DOESNT, then i'd closely examine this friendship!!
If you're more afraid of upsetting her than having this conversation though, then there's not much you can do about it other than stew in silence.
Expressing that you're a bit uneasy about how you feel your man will react to her at times is accusing her of a motive. Again, regardless of if she is or not, this will still enable you to get your point across without leaving ANY room for her to reasonably feel she's being accused of something...key word: reasonably.
Letting her know right away that nothing is being done wrong, but that you're requesting a change simply because you feel uneasy...is in my honest opinion, perfectly innocent AND effective. Remember, there is NOTHING wrong with you having any of these feelings, including uneasy feelings about this situation, and it is your right to request a change. If you her that you don't see anything "wrong" but that you just feel better with a change in her approach to him anyway, then that IMHO is much different than flat out accusing her of having the motive to flirt.
Again, good luck. I really think you should come out just fine. ;)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
Pages