How to dissuade a flirty friend?
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How to dissuade a flirty friend?
| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 11:07am |
How do I politely ask my friend to stop hitting on my b/f? She is very beautiful and clearly her flirting is going pretty darn far. I mean hopefully I'm quite pretty too -- not too too worried about that. But she dresses a combination of innocent and sexy and she's clearly getting some of his attention and enjoying it. Yesterday she had on a beautiful gauzy sundress, blatantly with nothing underneath it. This is pretty silly if true that she's after a bald 40-year-old guy with glasses -- but I make him sound worse than he is, despite all that he's so yummy. And clearly has gotten the attentions of some amazing women, i think it's just that he's smart, sure of himself but not cocky and just very easy to get along with.
I HATE to bring it up with her ... she'll say, "what? i'm not interested in _him_" but clearly she is.

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No....not criticising him at all.
Just to clarify, do you do it with anyones partner, or only with people you know don't have a problem with it? I know it would tick me off if someone did that to me.
Leticia
If a women doesn't trust her partner, it's *not my problem*.
I wasn't speaking about trust. You can trust your partner and still not like someone blatantly flirting with them. And to me personally that seems like a self centered attitude, to not respect someone else's relationship and boundaries, and simply thinking, "Oh well, not *my* problem." Reminds me of my husbands aunt, who swears like a sailor. When someone says anything to her about not being comfortable with the f word being thrown around like that, she simply blows it off with "Get over it." instead of respecting that others aren't comfortable with it.
>>Also, what's the difference between flirting with you there as opposed to not there? I would have thought that flirting with you absent would be worse....? <<
I never said there was a difference, just addressing your point about doing it in front of someone's partner.
>>At the end of the day, a good man won't cheat and neither will a good friend.<<
I wasn't concerned with cheating. And I fully agree with that statement.
>>Now, quite possibly, the guys that reject a flirt are the ones who are with insecure partners. Therefore, they reject the flirt so that the partner won't get jealous. Or possibly they reject the flirt because they are not interested in flirting. Either way, it's OK.<<
Oy. I never understand why people seem to jump to "insecure" whenever someone doesn't feel comfortable or choose to do what someone else *is* comfortable with. Some people just feel that flirting outside of the couple does not belong in a committed relationship. How does that equate to insecure?
>>You see, if you flirt with someone that has a partner, then you *know* that it won't go further. <<
That I feel is naive. You are assuming that the other person feels that way. Have you considered that you see them as harmless because they are attached, but maybe *they* think there is a possibility with you? I think it all also boils down to the level of flirting. I think there is some flirting that is obviously harmless, but I think you can also tell when there is intent behind it. That's what would bother me. For example, my husband was doing some work outside, and my sister and I were doing cat calls at him lol. Obviously I know my sister wouldn't do anything with him, it was all in fun. But I think when there is obvious intent behind it, that goes too far. It sounds to me like we may have misunderstood each other, as your explanation suggests more friendly type flirting without any intent and I was talking about too friendly *with* intent.
Leticia
>>You can trust your partner and still not like someone blatantly flirting with them.<<
Leticia
I do have insecurities, however none are related to subjects which would be on this board.
Leticia
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