how do affairs develop?
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how do affairs develop?
| Fri, 10-22-2004 - 2:08pm |
i watched Prime Time last night too and it said that most affairs occur between friends and co-workers. how do they develop? what exactly pre-empts an affair? anyone have an affair or know someone who did?
inquisitive lurker

I think they nearly always start out as flirtatious friendships or as confidants at work. The conversations start benignly enough and then become increasingly more intimate, as they begin sharing their problems at home and with the spouse, etc. I don't think it just happens, most times, though. I think it's a process. It begins as an emotional betrayal and then turns physical...at least for women.
This subject made me think of a friend whose DH used to work with mine. When she was pregnant, her DH began having an affair with a co-worker. My DH would tell me, daily, how he could see this "friendship" progressing quickly into something improper.
And he was right, they ended up divorced because of this affair.
Edited 10/22/2004 4:09 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
I read something about this not too long ago. What the article summed up was that, except for our families, our coworkers are who we spend the most time with day in and day out. We usually look and act our best at work, we look nice, we don't fuss over whose turn it is to empty the wastebaskets or who didn't refill the fax machine. We (for the most part) keep our bad moods and words at home.
So then you have people who are on their best behavior, usually working under stressful conditions and sharing the upside of deals done well, of success and hard work. Friendships develop, sometimes it goes to sharing confidences and then intimate information. Flirtations develop and things go from there.
I have never done this and never will (I ascribe to what a guy at work once told me - 'Don't get your meat where you get your bread' and 'Don't get your honey where you get your money', lol) but I know people who have. I can't tell you the *whys* because probably every one had a different situation, with homelife and such. And those that think they are keeping it a secret from other coworkers are deluding themselves. The behavior of those involved is so obvious to others around them, even as they are congratulating themselves on keeping it a secret.
As to prevention I think communication is important. Find out if your partner is satisfied, and happy. Make an effort to explore each others fantasies and where practical and comfortable for both or you try to help your partner realize them.
Realize fantasy can be scary to reveal to a partner especially if its something you think they might find odd like a particular fetish they never felt comfortable revealing, or something they think could be interpreted as threatening like a fantasy about having or multiple or different partners.
If you have and act on a genuine desire to fulfill your partner needs and make them happy I think they will be much less likely to be tempted to seek fulfillment elsewhere.