How do I get my man to do more oral?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
How do I get my man to do more oral?
16
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:13pm
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 5 months now. And outta those 5 months he has only given me oral pleasure twice! He he does it he is really good at and drives me crazy! I at least give him oral everyday that I see him. Just recently he told me he was limited on that kind of stuff. That he can only do so much. He told me he likes to do it. But why doesnt he do it more often???? How can i get him to do more oral on me!?!?!? Someone please help this is driving me crazy?!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 10:26am
hi, i too am in the same predicament as the original poster. i tried asking directly and still nothing. he complies when i beg for it, but never takes the initiation to do it without asking. i'm getting discouraged and feel unattractive. in the 14 months that we have been dating, he's performed cunnilingus about 4 times, while i perform oral on him almost always, both as foreplay and as a solo act. i don't want to stop oral on him because i love to please him and am trying hard ward off resentful feelings and accept that he doesn't like it, despite his saying he does. if he liked it and was turned on by it, he'd do it, simple as that. i still feel as though my sexlife has suffered because i love receiving oral both for foreplay and as a solo act. i just don't want to force him to do something he obviously doesn't want to do. if i stopped giving him oral and gave him an ultimatum, i don't think i would enjoy the act anyhow, knowing that i forced him to perform.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 11:01am

First and foremost, I personally love everything about giving oral sex.

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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 11:41am
Hey Skinbabe (sexy name btw)

I can't help you specifically because I am very much into giving oral sex to my girl. Fact is it's probably what we do the most of, even as quickies. Man, how I could go on about how hot it is to me, and I know she had never experienced such an attentive lover, or orgasms like she has now. Still I have done extra research and found a technique that takes it all to a new level.

What is interesting about your situation to me is the tables have recently turned somewhat with her interest in reciprocating. Her ex used to only want her to give oral, would expect her to continue at great lengths, and also want to end with a facial. Obviously she concurred but gained a huge resentment towards the expectation. My ex was frustrating also because she, with great effort and encouragement on my part, would only sometimes perform oral on me, and then would stop right AT the moment ... I would go nuts with frustration. I always felt wierd asking for oral because to me the turn on is all about her desirte to do it, not caring much for recieving any kind of sex out of a feeling they feel obligated.

Anyway, recently with my girlfriend, things had taken a change. I finally wanted to break the ice and moved into a 69 .. her response was "is this my que?" Well, I just felt like forget about it and tried to put it behind be and continue by getting into her to feel better. It hasn't been a complete barren experience but she will say she needs to feel "in the mood" and my thoughts are -why don't you?- I just have faith she will get back to her groove and I truly hope she does cause it could grow to be an issue with me.

Still, like you, I do get bothered at times knowing that my obsession to relish her isn't even thought that she isn't appreciative or turned on at just pleasing me too. In my case I think it will come (no pun intended, lol) back in time. For you I understand how asking for what you want seems a little less fulfilling. I am also suspect that his comment that he's "limited" might easily translate to other aspects of your relationship .. he sounds great at being able to recieve attention, but not so enthusiastic to be attentive to you.

In closing, I believe sex is such a component in a relationship, it is for me anyway, that thinking of finding someone else that truly wants to love you beyond himself, might not be such a bad idea all the way around.

Hope this helps .. somebody like me could be looking for you, for a superhighway of a two way street relationship. Good luck!

Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 11:50am
Thanks you guys for all the advice. I really agree with Mona though. When I ask him about it or confront him about not doing so much he gets all defensive about and tells me that i make him feel like crap for not doing it all the time. I tell him i dont mean to, I love when he does it. It feels good. Everytime I give him oral it always ends up into sex. He can never take the time for foreplay or even being romantic! Why is that?! He said he like to get done and called it a day. What the hell does that mean!? Sometimes I get so bad at him about it. But then again this is NOT something that I should get mad about and want to call it quits on my relationship with him. Oral or no oral I love him. Im just going to have to cut down my side of the oral!!!! I dont want to because I love giving him oral. I love the feeling of knowing I can give him pleasure! But I just get lonely when I dont receive any from him. I DONT want to find another man. Everyone is telling me that i need to find a man that is to my "sexual level". I dont want that! The sex is great and he a great guy! So like I siad oral or no oral I guess I'll make it! Thanks for all your guys advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 12:33pm

>When I ask him about it or confront him about not doing so much he gets all defensive about and tells me that i make him feel like crap for not doing it all the time.


Danger! Danger! Will Robinson! If he can't even talk about something that should give you both pleasure, or accept suggestions on how better to please you, there are bigger problems afoot! Would you be defensive if he asked to to do something that turned him on more often?


Sex is supposed to be a two way street. You ought to be able to make a reasonable request without him getting defensive. Any reasonable and mature man should be able to talk to their partner.


--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 6:15pm
Well, he SHOULD feel "like crap" if he isn't being fair to you in the bedroom! But hey, if you think that a guy who "never has time for foreplay or being romantic" is a "great guy" who gives you "great sex", then you're a match made in heaven! It seems that you're making an awful lot of contradictory statements to me though.

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