how do i get my wife to unleash her wild

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
how do i get my wife to unleash her wild
8
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:14am
hi, first time poster, so be gentle.
i'm newly married and my wife is very reserved in the bedroom. how can i get her to reveal her fantasies and what turns her on? it is as if she is ashamed to open up. but what little i can gather, hers are no more seedy than anyone elses. i believe her fantasies range from three in a bed to bi sexual adventures. but nothing major
How can i help her unlock her inner self?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:37am

How do you know she actually HAS a "wild side"? Some women don't! Some women don't have fantasies, either. Maybe you constantly asking her about it has made her come up with the "usual" stuff, just to get you off her back.

If you want her to come out of her "shell", then BRING her out, not by talking, but by actions. Try different things, slowly, without getting TOO wild. Sex on the living room floor.....bring home a "women's porn" video to watch together. There are many women who have that side to them, but it takes a man to bring it out. NOT by talking......but by example. Use your imagination, and introduce new things.....slowly and gently....and she'll probably respond. You're getting nowhere by trying to MAKE her change.

Also, instead of trying to get her to say what SHE wants, tell her what you want....again, slowly.....a little at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 2:11pm

Welcome to the board big-yin.

I think it takes time for some people to be comfortable enough to reveal their sexual fantasies to their partner -- if they ever do. I'm also not so sure what you're looking for, but I do believe if you start off small, you'll be able to get her to open up a little bit at a time. Once she starts opening up, then it will get easier and easier for her to feel comfortable doing so in other areas or in the future. I also think that sexual fantasies develop and change over time, so it's a never ending type of sharing that the two of you should be trying to develop.

Repetition has always been a teaching style. Perhaps you can teach her how to open up by repeatedly doing so yourself. Try things like incorporating dirty talk, porn videos, sex toys, reading erotica together and things of that sort. Instead of asking her how she felt about something, relay to her how you felt about the (favorable) reaction you saw from her. That will reassure her that it excites you instead of making her feel like you might criticize her. Instead of asking "Did you like that?", say "I got really hot when you started getting into that." It will make a huge difference in making her feel comfortable with her own sexuality.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:11pm
I think Misty put it best - encourage her and let her know it is okay to be that way without putting her on the spot. My first boyfriend would ask me questions like, "What turns you on/what fantasies do you have?" And it really felt like he was putting me on the spot! When he would share one with me or tell me how much it turned him on when I would open up to him sexually, that made me much more comfortable and likely to do it again.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 11:04pm

I know with my DH I was more reserved about telling all when it came to fantasies/sex.. We've gotten to a point now where we just talk about everything. No fantasy is kept unspoken. He's good about planting little "seeds" in my mind & letting me mull stuff over until I am ready to open up/discuss/try stuff. We are ones that from the beginning talked a lot about all topics. It's funny because sometimes we discuss things over IM/Email. Sometimes it's just easier to open up that way...

SexyPRgirl

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 9:37am

I wish I had had a first boyfriend that was willing to explore and ask questions like that suki2007. Unfortunately most of my first sexual encounters were all about him. Took me a long time to learn that sex could make me orgasm too!

Lots of good advice in the previous posts. My advice would still be to practice and be sure to try and talk to her about sex out of the bedroom too.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 4:03pm
I have had similar experience where a past gf and even current DW open up more in email/IM. In fact she finds it very sexy to have the IM chat. I was able to convey my panty fetish to her over IM and now I get a fresh pair (fresh means it has her juices!)to sniff every now and then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 4:43pm

You said your wife is very reserved n the bed room, and you want her to open up and reveal her fantasies and what turns her on. You also stated that you fell that she maybe ashamed to open up. Well, this very well might be so. Not nesicarily that she is ashamed but that she may feel ashamed. The best way to elp her fell more open is to constantly reminder while you are in bed how much you love her and how beautiful and sexy you find her. By making her feel this way she may then relax enough and feel comfortable enough to start to open up to you.

One of the best ways to get her to reveal her fantasies(after her comfort level has risen a little more) is for you to initiate by telling her a desire or fantasy of yours. Just make sure not to overwhelm her with something extreme, until you know that she feels comfortable. Remember, your newly weds, you have the rest of your lives to play out all of your hearts desires together. There's no time limit. For some women(and men) it's a matter of trust, when you are making love or engaging in all out drive the two of you insane sex session both of you have to be filling it. Otherwise It will be a one sided experience. And no one wants that. Good luck and have fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 6:07pm
I know, it is always so sad to me when I hear about most women's first experiences. Granted, the guys are also clueless, but it should be as important to him to have a lover that is enjoying herself as well!