How do i not take the blame???

Avatar for coolcatoscar
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
How do i not take the blame???
3
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 2:42am
As some of you may know i've been having troubles keeping my man "excited". Yes he has diabetes and has since he was very young, but he wont admit he has a problem staying hard. I always take the blame when we're getting into things. I know the reason we have trouble having sex is because he's as soft as can be, but to make things work i tell him every time that im just "too dry" and need some lube. I have 2 bottles of the stuff and i've NEVER needed it with any previous guy. I'm sick of him not admitting that it's him. He lets me take the blame every time. There was a movie we were watching where they mentioned something about how women only need lube if they're old and dried up. He laughed and kind of looked at me. I was appauled. I know i have to be understanding cause its not his fault, but he's gotta realize its not my fault either!! I'm at the point where as much as i love sex, i dont wanna bother having it with him cause its not satistying. Tonight we were having sex and i just told him to stop and the exact thing i said to him was "it's ok you don't have to tonight" cause i knew he wasn't hard at all. Would that statement not make all men worry about the problem? Mine just said "what are you talking about, i definitely want to" Argh, im sick of this. I've tried the subtle hints, how do i sit him down and tell him this is bothering me without destroying his ego?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 7:21am
At some point you're just going to have to sit him down and tell him. Many men aren't particularly good at picking up on subtle hints, especially when they concern an issue that he might be in denial about.







iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 9:54am

The only thing to blame is the diabetes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 7:46pm

It doesn't sound like you're having trouble keeping him excited ... it sounds like he's real excited that you've taken on the blame for his problem. You've already seen where that has headed -- the only thing you can do to turn it around is to be honest with him.

Try sitting down with him, outside of the bedroom, and let him know that you have noticed he's having trouble maintaining his erections. Give him some information about diabetes and erectile dysfunction (ED). See how he reacts, and see if you can encourage him to discuss the problem with his doctor. He might be very defensive, especially if he's in denial. He might bring the lube up and try to make it seem like it's your problem. If he does that, let him know that you don't think lube's the problem.

Having the material there that discusses ED should help to protect his ego. It's not an uncommon problem, and there is medical help for it (if he's able to utilize it). Also, as Sakura pointed out, there are a lot of other very satisfying sexual activities that the two of you can share in without the need for an erection.






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