Also, you can have a night where you totally take the lead and show him what you want. Maybe try using a blindfold on him, or make it playful. Let him know that you're ready to step things up. Bringing fun into the bedroom can make a world of difference in your ability to communicate with each other, and in your chances of discovering new things about each other.
Issytish- You are right....I loved everything you said..I am not telling him and I didn't know how...we will talk about it tonight when we go to the mall.
From a male POV...definately TALK to him. He should not get his feelings hurt or feel inadequate if you communicate your desires to him. Trust me when I say, most guys would love for their gal to tell us what they want instead of us trying to read your minds LOL
Ditto on what the others have said, he most probably knowing your background is trying to be gentle and not cause you to be anxious during sex and may be afraid of causing a flashback.
Like someone said, take things in your own hands, be aggressive and show him it is ok to get a little rough.
As far as the hyperventalation goes, you may have some repressed emotion in response to the actions that your ex put you through and some counseling might help.
Frustrated Guy - Thank you for giving the male POV...very helpful...
Issy - Saukra - I do talk about this in therapy and she "role" plays...flashbacks....which I sometimes find ridiculous...cause I really don't think I have flashbacks....I know that I am anxious about having sex...
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Telling your partner what you want shouldn't make him/her feel inadequate.
Ditto what Tish said.
Also, you can have a night where you totally take the lead and show him what you want. Maybe try using a blindfold on him, or make it playful. Let him know that you're ready to step things up. Bringing fun into the bedroom can make a world of difference in your ability to communicate with each other, and in your chances of discovering new things about each other.
Click the blinkie to join me!
I'm wondering WHY you're always hyperventilating when you approach sex with him?
Issytish- You are right....I loved everything you said..I am not telling him and I didn't know how...we will talk about it tonight when we go to the mall.
Of course you know why you're hyperventilating every time you approach sex!
Missy,
From a male POV...definately TALK to him. He should not get his feelings hurt or feel inadequate if you communicate your desires to him. Trust me when I say, most guys would love for their gal to tell us what they want instead of us trying to read your minds LOL
Ditto on what the others have said, he most probably knowing your background is trying to be gentle and not cause you to be anxious during sex and may be afraid of causing a flashback.
Like someone said, take things in your own hands, be aggressive and show him it is ok to get a little rough.
As far as the hyperventalation goes, you may have some repressed emotion in response to the actions that your ex put you through and some counseling might help.
Good luck!
FG
I agree with Sakura, if you're not in therapy for your past abuse (which was rape)
Frustrated Guy - Thank you for giving the male POV...very helpful...
Issy - Saukra - I do talk about this in therapy and she "role" plays...flashbacks....which I sometimes find ridiculous...cause I really don't think I have flashbacks....I know that I am anxious about having sex...
I've been
I've never been raped, I've never had therapy, but if you're being honest with your therapist......are you sure this is the right therapist for you?
Maybe technically, what's happening to you isn't "flashbacks", but what's going on is definitely related to what you've been thru.
Missy,
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