How do I tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
How do I tell him?
13
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 7:01pm
Missy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 8:29pm

Telling your partner what you want shouldn't make him/her feel inadequate.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 10:00pm

Ditto what Tish said.

Also, you can have a night where you totally take the lead and show him what you want. Maybe try using a blindfold on him, or make it playful. Let him know that you're ready to step things up. Bringing fun into the bedroom can make a world of difference in your ability to communicate with each other, and in your chances of discovering new things about each other.















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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 12:09am

I'm wondering WHY you're always hyperventilating when you approach sex with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 5:29am

Issytish- You are right....I loved everything you said..I am not telling him and I didn't know how...we will talk about it tonight when we go to the mall.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 10:10am

Of course you know why you're hyperventilating every time you approach sex!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 10:27am

Missy,

From a male POV...definately TALK to him. He should not get his feelings hurt or feel inadequate if you communicate your desires to him. Trust me when I say, most guys would love for their gal to tell us what they want instead of us trying to read your minds LOL

Ditto on what the others have said, he most probably knowing your background is trying to be gentle and not cause you to be anxious during sex and may be afraid of causing a flashback.

Like someone said, take things in your own hands, be aggressive and show him it is ok to get a little rough.

As far as the hyperventalation goes, you may have some repressed emotion in response to the actions that your ex put you through and some counseling might help.

Good luck!
FG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 1:05pm

I agree with Sakura, if you're not in therapy for your past abuse (which was rape)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 8:27pm

Frustrated Guy - Thank you for giving the male POV...very helpful...


Issy - Saukra - I do talk about this in therapy and she "role" plays...flashbacks....which I sometimes find ridiculous...cause I really don't think I have flashbacks....I know that I am anxious about having sex...


I've been

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 7:13am

I've never been raped, I've never had therapy, but if you're being honest with your therapist......are you sure this is the right therapist for you?


Maybe technically, what's happening to you isn't "flashbacks", but what's going on is definitely related to what you've been thru.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 8:17am

Missy,

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