how to have anal sex with my man

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
how to have anal sex with my man
21
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:03pm

Hi ! This is my first time posting here. My husband and I decide to start exploring more in our sex life but I'm don't have any idea how to play with his ass in a way that he enjoys it!
Any ideas??

Thanks Keona

Photobuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 3:30am

I'm a guy who enjoys anal play with my wife so let me add a few cents of opinion.

The first place to start is communication. You need to find out what he is comfortable with. You also need to find out where he expects to go with anal play. There's a BIG difference between a finger and toys such as strap-ons. By talking it out, you can be certain there are no surprises. Surprises are a big no-no when starting anal play. Establish ground rules and make certain the when no or stop is uttered, it is respected without question and instantly.

Now that you know what he wants and expects, we need to be ready. First, remember where you are playing. Sh*t will happen, literally. If you are uncomfortable with this concept please stop now. Go to the store and get gloves (for you), condoms (for toys), and a good lube. Water-based lubes do work and are easier to clean. Silicone, as another poster suggested, stays wetter longer but must be washed off with soap and water. I use Astroglide gel and/or Astroglide Anal Shooters. The latter are little prefilled lube applicators to get lube way up into areas that are difficult to reach. Lubes with lots of glycerin can have a laxative effect so watch the ingredients closely.

Next, we need to worry about timing. If he hasn't had a bowel movement in a while, you may be in deep sh*t. It's best to wait an hour or two AFTER a good bowel movement to start any anal play. Anal douches or enemas are a no-no. They mess up the bacterial balance in your lower GI tract and can cause undesirable results right at the worst time. Some people swear by them but I would avoid. They really aren't necessary if you take some time to prepare. If I feel like I shouldn't play back there, I tell my wife no. Simple as that.

OK, I know what he wants, I have all the stuff, the timing is right. What next? Well, it's time to take his cherry! Have some good sex. Get nice and relaxed. Rub his shoulders, give him a drink, make him feel like putty in your hands. You can't be uptight and play anally. That causes pain. Pain=damage. Once he is relaxed and comfortable, play a bit back there. You can touch and massage but no penetration. If you are in to rimming (licking anus), go to town at this point. If you do rimming, be certain to use dental dam. Loads of e.Coli exit that spot and YOU can get sick. The goal is to get his anus to relax.

He's ready for more, now what? Well, lube the area. Use lots. When you think you have too much, add more. You can NEVER have too much lube when playing anally. Now we can think of penetration. You can use any finger but index and middle are easiest to manipulate. If you have nails, trim them as others have suggested. If you don't want to because of an expensive manicure, use a glove with cotton under the part of the nail past the fingertip. Acts as a cushion. Still best to trim, though.

Ready to take the plunge? It's easiest to use the pad of the finger. It's the part with your fingerprint on it. Push gently on the anus. You'll feel it give. He can help by pushing out like he's having a bowel movement. If at any time he feels pain, STOP! Pain indicates that damage may be occurring. Let the pain subside before trying to continue. He should breathe deeply and relax during the initial penetration. His anus may tense up. Just stop and wait for it to relax while he and his body get used to the new sensations. Keep doing this until you can get a finger most of the way in.

Biology lesson! The anus is actually two sphincters. There's an outer sphincter that you can control and an inner one you cannot control. You can help him relax the outer sphincter but the inner one marches to the beat of it's own drummer. You can get past it but be gentle and subtle. Tease it into relaxing. Don't just barge in there!

Now I've got a finger up his arse, what do I do now? Well, all men have a prostate. It's about 2-3 inches in toward his belly button. It's about the size of a walnut and is somewhat hard to the touch. You can stroke the prostate gently to give a most wonderful sensation. Some men can orgasm from this stimulation alone. It's like a g-spot orgasm for women. Different than a regular orgasm but very powerful. You can also experiment with an in-out motion. This is especially effective while you perform fellatio on him. Get him used to the simple stuff before moving on to more adventurous anal play. If he wants it, add a finger. Go slowly until you figure out what he is comfortable with and don't go beyond that. Sue Johansen always says, "Gently, Bently." Know it, learn it, live it!

Advanced techniques. He's done the finger and loves it but is getting bored. Time to start thinking of other anal pleasures. I love a good buttplug. It makes my orgasms WAY stronger. Start with a small one and work up to bigger ones if he likes it. That gets the anus used to having something holding it open. When he's bored with that, get a strap-on, bend him over, and go to town. A p-spot vibrator works wonders for prostate massaging as well. Let him tell guide you as to what he wants and likes. Stop when he gets uncomfortable.

I hope this lengthy post has helped in some small way. I've been there and done that. I really enjoy it. I'm a straight, heterosexual man with no homosexual tendencies. I just know what feels good. The anus has loads of nerves and play back there can be an intense and wondrous adventure. However, you must respect the anus or it will do mean things to you.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 5:20pm
Thank you for taking the time to explain everything to me That was so sweet!!! I feel more comfortable!
Photobuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 6:02pm

There's a video called "Bend Over Boyfriend" that the two of you should watch together. Some of it is pretty corny, but it will give you some ideas on how to proceed.

The things to remember are:

1) There's no such thing as too much lube.
2) There's no such thing as too slow.
3) There's no such thing as too small to start with.

Start off slow with one finger and about a gallon of lube. His reactions will tell you when you can graduate to two fingers, three fingers, objects or toys. You might also consider playing two or three days in a row.

FWIW, I have had the most intense orgasms of my life through receiving anal (I'm a man), and I'd played with everything from one finger to anal fisting and large dildos. Just remember to go sssslllloooowww at first, and you'll both be amazed at how good it can get later.

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:02am
My DW always uses an anal toy to massage my prostate while she gives me a blowjob. Really intensifies my orgasms. Toys work better than fingers. Toys we use are Anal E-Z Bend, Spectragels Vibrating Anal Tool, Anal T and Anal Beads. Our favorite lube is Wet Platinum. Use lots of lube and go slow. Spend lots of time around his anus before you insert the toy. A bowel movement an hour or two before helps with the cleanliness; however, we do use a Fleet Enema. Empty the laxative solution that comes with the enema and refill with luke warm water. Use the enema-expel and shower. During the shower use a soapy finger. Then you will be squeeky clean. We have not had any problems from using the enema. Prostate massage is wonderful. Our next toy will be a strapon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 8:50pm
For my boyfriend and I, we started with a little finger action, and then working our way up to vibrators and then a strap-on. We have to be in the right mood to want to do that so it doesn't get brought out a lot, but every couple months we enjoy that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 8:56pm

Welcome to the board. Shall we call you lucky?

Thanks for sharing with us.

Misty



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 9:48pm
LOL Thanks!
Photobuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 7:31pm
I am very interested in this subject. DH and I had anal sex for the first time Saturday night. He said he enjoys penetrating my vagina much more but would try this again. My question is, how far can something go into the anus? I was looking at toys and some look super long. Is there danger involved when using toys that are longer than 4 inches long or so? Thanks for all your help. I have learned alot reading all of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 9:32pm
Welcome to the board annastasiaw. I have never used toys for anal play, but I think the only danger would be from your partner not being able to feel anything. It's very important for you to be in control of the activity. If there is pain during anal play, you should stop as it is a sign that something isn't right. Most penises are over 4" long, so it doesn't seem like the toy you are mentioning should cause a problem.


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 2:02am
Thanks Misty. This is way out of my comfort zone but I am trying.
I saw some toys that are 11" long or so. They have graduated bulbs and look kind of scary. ha ha Thanks again.