how long is a month, really (to wait)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
how long is a month, really (to wait)?
7
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 8:48pm

I've heard couples say they had sex after dating for a month or they waited until the 4th or 5th date. I would assume the 4th or 5th date is going out every weekend for a month, but what if you've been on 3 dates but then because of holidays or emergencies you havne't seen each other for a while. Is it okay to have sex sooner if you've kept in touch with each other on the phone to make up for the time that you haven't been on dates? I"m so bad with explaining things, but does anyone understand? Thanks. Happy Holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 9:04pm

There are no *rules* as to when you can or should have sex.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 10:18pm
Well, my DH and I saw each other daily when we began dating and we still waited about 3 mos. before becoming intimate. I want to KNOW the person I'm having sex with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 11:23pm

Personally, I think a month is too soon to jump into bed with somebody. I hear and read far too many stories of women whose boyfriends turn out to be pretty big jerks, but then they say they love him so much so they refuse to leave him no matter how badly he is mistreating them, and they stick with the guy for many years even though he is also making them really miserable. I think that part of the problem is that many women sleep with their boyfriends early on in the relationship, and then they get very emotionally attached to the guy because they have slept with him. When they start seeing his bad sides a few months later, then they have already become very emotionally attached and it makes it much harder to leave him.

After a month, people are still usually on their best behavior with each other so there's a very real risk that there are still many bad sides to the other person that you haven't seen. I think the first few months of the relationship should be about getting to know about the person before you rush into anything.

Of course, sometimes the guy really is as sweet of a person as he seems when you meet him, and you'll find plenty of people today who will have had sex on the first night, and then ended up happily married down the line. But why take that risk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 12:20am
Any time is a good time if you're OK with it. If you want to be sure that this guy is the one for you, then wait longer until you know him a bit better. I've waited months for a girl to give me the "go ahead" and I've also had one night stands that ended with us dating. I think that it's what you are comfortable with. If you're OK with having sex but maybe breaking up with the guy within another couple of dates then do it. Noone is going to think any less of you if you keep your sex life private and to yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 3:29am
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is the two people involved, i.e. you and the guy you're seeing. If you're both comfortable having sex early on, then go for it. It's no one else's business.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 4:54am

I think that every relationship is different and you have to go with your feelings. I will say however that the best and longest lasting relationships that I have had, have been the ones where there was no sex for quite awhile.

There is an exciting build-up in the beginning of a relationship and it slowly dwindles after having sex for the first time. I think that the longer the initial excitement lasts, the better the chances that the relationship will too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 8:46am
Yes, I understand. When I was with my boyfriend & we had been dating for about