How many FWB here ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
How many FWB here ?
30
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 1:48am

How many FWB here ?



  • Any feelings developing? You or Them?
  • Just sex for you?
  • Just sex for them?
  • Other (Please post...)


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:25pm

Wow...sounds like you guys actually date...

M and I just have a couple of drinks, talk, laugh, and have sex.

Wait....that sounds like most of the relationships I've been in...hmmmm....

Oh well - I don't have a problem with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:47pm
We have found that our bed time is that much hotter if we've spent an hour or two together first. It's not as though we talk about much -- she was actually showing me, in the middle of a nice restaurant, how far my penis goes down her throat (believe me ... far!). We just talk about music and laugh a little. Maybe talk about the waitress. Then go back to our pad du jour. I don't see her very often, and while we have several times had a quick drink and then got right into it. That's fun sometimes too, but it's better to hang out for a bit beforehand, especially both looking our best. Plus I love the texts the day of: it's like a multiple-choice quiz of what I want her to be wearing. Very very fun. I'm trying to think of the downside to all this and for 30 months it has quite escaped me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:59pm

Hi - yeah, me again. Sorry to keep bothering you...

What kind of text messages do you exchange?

I cannot think of anything to send to M. That is basically how we communicate, we live 20 miles from each other and works opposite shifts. I would like to send him something that gets him hot before work - or have it waiting on his phone when he gets off work.

I suck at talking dirty.

Hmmm...sucking....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 10:17pm

I think it is, to some extent. But that's what they call it - FWB, because it will never go any farther than what it is now. If I were her, in her stage of life and with her situation, I would consider it ideal. Even if he spends Sat night (which he always does), he goes home Sunday, lol. I would definitely go for a situation like hers, if I were ever single again.

Edited to say: after I got to thinking about this again last night, and your commment about family involvement etc - isn't that what FRIENDS do???? I know my friends' parents, or their kids or siblings or neighbors or other friends, I've eaten at their homes, gone places with them, shared confidences and work (that d*mn wallpaper!) and ideas. There's always been a relationship there between me and any friend.

I always thought the FWB thing was an extension of that between the opposite sex, not an exclusion of everything else but sex!! If it's a sex buddy, that's not FWB, IMO, that's a booty call. Where's the 'friend' in FWB if it's *only* for sex?




Edited 8/3/2005 6:59 am ET ET by tally33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:01pm
We send short, super hot text messages. I just hope that they aren't preserved on some central computer at the cell phone company because they're insanely dirty. E.g., I was born with a good-sized one and it's become a bit of a running joke between us ... most women mention it but she's just obsessed. She loves to text me if she knows i am in a business meeting, etc. Totally, totally distracting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:25pm

So if I text something tame like....my tongue missing a certain part of him...wouldn't be too bad?

I found a website listing a bunch of hot texts, but some are so complicated that he would never figure them out.

www.lingo2word.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 10:19am

I think what your friend has isn't all that unusual. The "difference" is their ages. They know what they want from each other, and they have it. Someone in their 20's or 30's is still looking for the marriage and children....and if they lock themselves into a FWB situation, they're not going to get it. They also like to call it FWB when in reality it's a booty call, nothing more. (Tallhealthyguy's situation does sound like a REAL FWB situation. He treats her with respect, and enjoys her company OUT of the bedroom. He doesn't treat her as a booty call!)

I have a close friend who has a situation that's similar to your friend's......but maybe moreso, lol The kicker in their relationship is that they were/are actually in-laws. He was married to her husband's sister, who died of a heart attack in her 40's. My friend's husband had a stroke in his mid 50's, then died 6 years later. When all 4 were alive, they were close. When his wife died, he remained close to my friend and her husband. When she needed help with her sick husband, he was there for her. After her husband died, they remained close, and then got closer, lol The funny part is the fact that their "kids" are cousins......and both sets of children completely approve of it. Their holiday dinners are great! (The "kids" are grown, have children of their own, and there's even a great grandchild!) (By the way, he's 68, and she's 69!)

At this point, he has his own home, she has hers. He comes over on Friday afternoon, and they spend the week-ends together. He goes home on Monday or Tuesday. In the winter, they spend 3 months together in Florida. He spent 8 weeks with her in another city when she had lung reduction surgery. They are there for each other, but they still have their own "space"! Their homes are a 45 minute drive from each other.....and I once asked her if it wouldn't just be easier if they lived together. The answer was an emphatic NO.....she needs her "alone" time, and so does he!

This is WAY different than a young person "settling" for sex, when what they really want is a "relationship"......and more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 10:35am

It DOES sound like you have a true FWB thing going on.....but I think you're the exception rather than the rule! YOU are very aware of the "boundaries" involved.

I can't help but wonder, though....about a couple of your comments about her. She DOES drop everything when you suggest a meeting. You realize that, and you are careful that it doesn't become "abusive". You also have to "constantly watch her developing feelings for you".

That says that she's a "typical" young woman......who knows the "rules" as well as you do, but yet she's really looking for, or hoping for more. Therein lies the problem. You have no control over her feelings for you. If this has gone on for 2.5 years, then both of you seem to be handling it okay, but she's probably supressing a lot of "feelings", too. That's okay if she's able to do it. And the fact that you're careful to not take advantage of her says a lot for you. The fact that you spend "upright" time with her says a lot for you, too. You're NOT treating her like a booty call!

I just hope in the meantime she's out there looking for a real relationship! Until she finds that, she has you to spend quality time with. Best of luck to both of you....I hope you both get what you want from this relationship, and from life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 10:59am

I think that you determine what is a FWB or not by whether or not "feelings" are involved. It only goes to say that if it is a "true" FWB, then that means that there is no commitment to exclusivity(except maybe physically). There's no emotional exclusivity. Either one of you, at any time, could meet someone else and leave the union. The fact that there are no "emotional" ties classifies it as FWB. Your friends' situation sounds as if they're committed to one another, but they just keep their respective freedoms(more than in a "normal" relationship). They're still EMOTIONALLY involved and therefore would be upset if either of them left the other for someone else--not so in a FWB. In a FWB, there's an understanding that it's only about sex and that if someone else comes into the picture, you give each other your blessings, just as friends do.




Edited 8/3/2005 11:12 am ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 11:15am

I totally agree. That's why I said at their age and stage, it's a very doable thing. If I were young and looking for a lasting relationship, for marriage or kids or security, I wouldn't do it, but at her age, why not? Even if it ended, which I doubt it will (probably will last longer than many marriages will!), neither one is any worse off and they've had some good years together. If he gets in debt or gets sick, although she would be there for him physically and emotionally, she would have no further obligation to pay off whopping hospital bills or anything like that.

My grandmother once said, after 15 years of nursing my grandfather at home through Parkinsons, that although she wouldn't mind living with someone, she would never, ever marry again, just because she never wanted to have that obligation towards another human. She never regretted a minute of it with him, but she also never wanted to repeat it.