How many FWB here ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
How many FWB here ?
30
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 1:48am

How many FWB here ?



  • Any feelings developing? You or Them?
  • Just sex for you?
  • Just sex for them?
  • Other (Please post...)


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 11:51am

Extremely well said. The problem, as you say, is that she's hoping for more. I mean we both talk about sex all the time; I'm talking about "sex sex" and sometimes I worry that she confuses this with "love sex". Long and short, I'm sure she's suppressing a lot of feelings. I mean, she's in her 20s and full well deserves a family, etc. She's confusing a diet of all sugar and desserts for one of eating her veggies -- the former makes you full, and not really pursue the latter as you ought to. But she's an adult and that's her business.

She has gone on a few dates but hasn't felt "the rush" apparently, at all. I mean, she is gorgeous and certainly deserves to be courted. Part of it is, it's unfair to the guys: we have this super ultra intense relationship and obviously no guy on the first date is going to get her endorphins going like that. So I hope she will give them more of a chance, instead of just backhanding the whole concept with a shrug.

The only thing that bothers me stems from my catholic guilt I guess: this all seems too good to be true. There's just no downside to it from my POV, unless I'm missing something. It's been crazy, and I've never bothered to try to describe it to my friends b/c they'd think I had lost it. But it's great. It has been like living in a "nice" porno movie but with someone who genuinely likes me and seems to just get a major high out of being together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 12:10pm

I agree that there can be more to it, a LOT more to it and yet still without the exclusive element. And these types of relationships is like the blind man describing the elephant. To each their own. And some of the male comments even though they try but not very well to portray some sensitivity, you can still almost read into some of the comments that they feel they are using the woman that is willing to provide the benefit part and bragging about it. I have friends that have been in FWBs, I think a better way of looking at it is a relationship of convenience, and they would be less than thrilled to have their male friend say they were only interested in getting in the guy's pants. That's pretty sexist. And it just may ruin some guys day if he was casually perceiving he was using the female half for more of the "benefit" than the "friend" part to find out that there are women who may be using them.

Then there is a latter post about "young" women can't handle it. There are some very mature "young" women out there with a lot of selfconfidence and direction that are perfectly capable of doing a LOT more than they are given credit for, including catagorizing relationship emotions.

And then there was a comment about women in any other than an exclusive relationship suffer from low self-esteem. That is like saying that women that have had multiple partners must have low self-esteem. Or women that have had an indescrition with infidelity have low self-esteem. So women that can have casual sex must have low self-esteem. Until someone has been there with the exact circumstances, how can anyone pass judgement?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 12:16pm

Well....she's going on dates so one would think that she's not that emotionally tied to you, unless of course, she's doing it to test you. tee hee

So you know that she has feelings for you and that deep-down she really wants more? Have you thought about what it will do to her when you find someone else that you do become emotionally involved with? I know that if it were me, and I knew that my FWB was emotionally involved, then the "deal" would be off. It would change the whole dynamics of the "relationship", and it would weigh on my mind what it would do to him emotionally if I were to break it off with him either just becuase or because I met someone else. It's no longer a FWB when one is emotionally involved, IMO, and yes, I would feel guilty if I let it go on and on, especially for years, KNOWING that this person is with me hoping that I'll "come around."

In a prior post you said: "It is hotter than anything I've ever experienced."

Have you ever had sex within a loving relationship? If so, what about a FWB makes it hotter?

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 3:10pm

Aw, shucks, the "guilt" is half the FUN!

As you said, she's an adult....and the choice is hers. I give you a lot of credit for still thinking of her well-being, as well as the pleasure you're both getting.

I think you're right about any "dates" she has being "short-changed"....because she's comfortable with you.....and that doesn't happen in one date! Also, from the female prospective.....if the sex you're getting is GOOD.......you automatically think that no one else will be that good. Not true.....it can be just as good with someone else, if you give them half a chance (Assuming of course, that they know what they're doing, and aren't some bumbling idiot sexually!).

I'll bet you have mixed emotions.......hoping that one day she'll find what she wants, but realizing that if she does, you'll probably be hung out to dry! I think you'll survive that though!

PS: Just out of curiosity, does she ever contact YOU and initiate a meeting? Or does she wait for you to suggest it? If so, she has a LOT of restraint, lol It seems that in most FWB situations, it's at the request and for the convenience of the guy, not the girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 4:17pm
Okay...after reading the posts I get the gist of FWB but what does it stand for?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 5:55pm

FWB = Friends With Benefits

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 7:22pm

She may indeed be doing it to test me, but she'll not get any jealousy whatsoever because she has extended to me every single kindness and I wish her all the best in whatever she does.

I've certainly had sex within a couple of super-loving/meaningful LTRs. The FWB thing is hotter because you're totally unconcerned with the repercussions of how you are or how you talk in bed, etc. In a loving relationship I find it a bit hard to be that graphic. Sometimes, I guess, but not regularly. It's easy to say _exactly_ what's on your mind, for better or worse, when you don't really care what the other person thinks about it. Really, it's been totally cathartic for me and I've had a blast. I mean it is so fun waking up with someone who just plain is beside herself with glee to be there ... one of the funner things in life for sure!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 7:30pm
Oh, she will broadly suggest a meeting for sure, and tell me some dates that would work, and I will usually pick one that does work. Once when she was in a nearby city it was her booty call: "can you come over and __ me?" and it was sweet and innocent and even graceful. Every time before we leave we always figure out more or less when the next time will be, then fine-tune it over the next few days. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a tremendously pleasant, agreeable, upbeat person. It's just that I've been deeply in love a couple of times before and that feeling isn't present here. By no means does that imply any disrespect or anything else, it's just not here though. Nevertheless, a
s long as my pulse races when she sends me a text message, etc., I think it's worth pursuing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 9:36pm

Oh!!! Speaking of texting!!

I got brave last night and told him 'My tongue misses your ****." I actually put the stars because they could stand for MANY different things. We spent all afternoon going back and forth, getting more and more explicit.

The last thing I sent to him was very naughty and told him to think about me at work tonite.

Thanks for the idea!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 3:10pm
I had an FWB with a develop with a friend a while after she had gotten a divorce. It was fun and exciting and we did go out to movies and to eat sometimes. Though she is in her late 40's and at the time was going through menopause her sex drive never diminished and mine being in my late 40's as well was good also, so we did enjoy one another very much. We have since moved on back to being just good friends and since that worked out, it makes our friendship that much more special.

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