How many times....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
How many times....
8
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 2:51pm
Whats the average amount of sex a commited couple has a week. Obviously its going to vary couple to couple, but my sex life is diminishing... We used to have sex two times a day (long distance/only saw eachother every other weekend) but now I am lucky (and I STRESS lucky) to have sex once a week. I am very much in shape (not that it should matter) I try wearing sexy underwear, and skirts and stuff. Its like he's not turned on by me anymore. The other day I actually started stripping to which he handed me back my shirt and told me his friend was coming over before too long, and I should put my clothes back on. I felt like I had just gotten punched- Here I am in my early twenties (once again not that it should matter) and Im stripping for you, he wanted my clothes back ON??? I dont get it- what can I do to increase the sex. I refuse to guilt him into that- I don't want pity sex. HELP~

TIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 3:05pm
Usually atleast once per day. It sounds like something is going on with him, but what I don't know. Will he talk to a therapist or counselor with you?

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 3:10pm
We are going to start premarital counseling soon (with much coaching from me) unless this comes up there, I doubt I can get him to go to "extra" counseling sessions with me. (and I highly doubt this will come up because the counselor works through a church- although it might be funny to see his face!) haha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 3:28pm
You're right, it shouldn't matter if you're in shape, wearing sexy underwear, or any underwear at all. It also doesn't matter what other couples do, what matters is what YOU do, or used to do, and why it's diminished. There are couples that are happy (both of them) with once a month. That's them, not you. You're not happy with once a week. I think the "average" for married couples is 2-3 times a week, but again, you're not "average", you're you, and you want what YOU want, not some mythological number.

If you want to know what his problem is, then you have to ask him. And, since you're going to pre-marital counselling, I'd SURE bring this up. Don't think church counsellors haven't heard of sex! I definitely wouldn't consider marriage unless you can get this straightened out to your satisfaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 3:46pm
Average amount of sex for every couple is different.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 4:05pm
Hi skeehn. I'm sorry if I missed something in your posts so far, but has he mentioned anything as to why he isn't as interested anymore, other than the friend coming over reason? I'm just surprised that nothing else had been mentioned, if I read your posts correctly.

YES you need to raise this during counseling. Most churches, among Protestants anyway, place VERY high value on husband and wife relationships both in AND out of bed. Now keep this in mind, skee, this would be solely for the purpose of the possible problem, NOT for the purpose of solving it. BIG difference, right? If you're going to have counseling help you sex issues, beyond the communication issues anyway, then that'd be better for an actual sex counselor in my honest opinion.

Perhaps it'd help to get additional views from those on The Secrets of Married Sex message board as well:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlsecretsofm

Congrats on getting married soon!

:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 5:02pm
My bf and I have sex at least once a day if not twice every time we see each other which is about 5 or 6 days a week and we have been together for 5 months. But I am thinking that he must be feeling that there are other problems going on. Maybe he is just nervous about the wedding or something. I think that counseling will really help you. Good luck.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 5:25pm
TALK TO HIM! And adjust your expectations!

Most people find that their sex lives slow down a bit after the "honeymoon period" in a relationship...since real life creeps in and demands your attention again. That's normal though.

IF you aren't getting your needs met now, then talk about it and ask for what you want but accept that compromise is the name of the game.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 10:43pm

If I recall correctly, a recent Dr Phil show said that 3 times per month is average for married couples.