How often...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
How often...?
35
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:31pm
I have always heard that men want to have sex all the time, and women have to be in the right mood, etc. But for me I want it all the time, and my boyfriend usually does but sometimes is too tired or grumpy or whatever. It's not a problem, we do it several times a week. But it just makes me wonder if that stereotype has any truth in it, or am I unusual? I would do it every day, and I never turn him down even if I'm tired or grumpy because I want it so bad.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:38pm
The stereotype is not about wanting sex, it is about thinking about it. And no, it's not true. Many men from what I have heard think about it always, and at the same time, many men think about it very little. There is a variance in men, just as there is in women. If we always believed the stereotypes, then we would be a very screwed up society. All blonds are dumb, all redheads are great lovers, all brunettes are intellectual, all men are dogs, etc. etc. In all actuality, I think women think about sex just as much as men do, but in a different way. Men think about the act, while women think about fantasies. The way things go before, during, and after sex, while men think about the actual act. If you want sex all the time, than get it, I am sure he will oblige, but it is good that you respect his feelings enough to set it aside at times. Sereotyping is bad, and along the same livnes as sexism, racism, and ignorance.
Avatar for leticiaf
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:41pm
In my opinion neither stereotype is correct. I don't think you are unusual at all and I don't think your BF is either. I think people are who they are, and stereotypes just seem to make people question themselves or others when they don't fit in. If you are happy with your sex life, then don't even give it a second thought :o)

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:45pm
This just proves that you shouldn't believe anything you "hear", and only half of what you see! Human beings are ALL different, and what's normal for you may or may not be normal for other women. The same goes for men.

Libidos can be all over the scale, for men OR for women. The trick is to find someone with a matching libido, or who will at least compromise so you're both happy. It sounds like you and your partner have done that. There are some people who want sex every day, or several times a day, and there are some who are happy doing it once or twice a year.

Libido depends a lot on your mind, as well as hormone levels. It also depends on health, which is where "age" comes into the equation. Older people can be just as sexually active as younger people, unless their health is bad.....and that usually can't be helped.

Some people can't enjoy sex because they were raised in a home where sex was treated as BAD, or nasty, or in a repressive religion. Some get over it, some never do. We're all different, male and female.

If you're happy with the way things are, don't worry about what "others" think or want. Whatever makes YOU happy is all that counts, not what other people are doing. I think the "average" for sexual activity is about 2 or 3 times a week. But, to get an average, you have to factor in the "daily" people, and the once a year people. Very few people are actually "average". Don't question your sexuality, just enjoy it.

Avatar for leticiaf
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:47pm
>> In all actuality, I think women think about sex just as much as men do, but in a different way. Men think about the act, while women think about fantasies.<<

Well, I guess I must be different because I DO think about the act and not fantasies so much. I do agree with you, women do think about it as much as men. At first I thought I was weird, because I could be thinking about anything and it would turn into sexual thoughts. Now I realize I am normal and just go with it ;o)

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:06pm
My husband wants something all the time. I, about 3/4 of the time. I get tired! And not to mention, sore when we do too much. Sounds like you have a healthy sex drive - ;) Does he satisfy you enough? Or is it so good, that you always want more and more? You lucky girl!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:32pm
Cool. Leticia, It is nice to see that once in a while we do agree on something. LOL Blue moon tonight?? LOL. Just kidding you. We all know you are a horn dog. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:43pm
Soup,

I think those are old stereotypes. Women want and like sex as much as men. (well some of us) And some men have lower drives. I too am a High libido woman, I want it all of the time, if a I stressed I want it that much more. I have only ever said no to my DH 2 times in our 14 years together. Once was I had a migraine coming on and was feeling sick to my stomach (I tried at first but the movement was making me feel worse) and the other , I am sorry to say, was out of spite for all of the times he had turned me down.

RSRosey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:44pm
Tiana, so does that mean that you are telling your husband "NO SEX TONIGHT" about 25% of the time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:46pm
No, I hardly ever refuse. If I'm not in the mood, he can usually get me in the mood.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: soupvampire
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:49pm
Good for you Tiana. If not in the mood, get in the mood. That is a very healthy attitude to have, and not one of the feminist if I'm not in the mood to bad, if your not, well I can always get him up!!! I hate the double standard so many women have about sex. If you are sick, injured, really not able to perform for whatever reason, cool, I am sure every guy understands that one, but if it just is the "mood" then go with it anyway, and you will probably get there soon enough.

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