How Old Were You Your First Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2004
How Old Were You Your First Time
13
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 5:31pm
I ask this question because it seems like there are an awful lot of very young girls on here discussing having sex. I was 17 my first time, but had been with my boyfriend (who I am now marrying) for over a year before then. I have always valued the fact that I've only ever been with one man, and its alarming to me how many young girls are having sex early and irresponsibly, and then moving on to the next partner. What do you think?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 7:55am

i want to point out that i have nothing against 'hookers, whores, or strippers." i support an individual's right to make a living in the sex industries--and by in large, i don't have a problem with sex-related industries.

As for the term "whores" i choose not to use it and find the use of the term detrimental to cultural and sexual health. it usually refers to those individuals who are "promiscuous" (also a problematic term), but do not have sex for money (hookers/prostitutes). An individual of consenting age has a right to choose their partners and the number of partners that they want. An individual can have many partners in their lifetime or for a short time and still have a well balanced, healthy sexuality--even if it is different from mine and not what i would do. calling a person a derrogatory term for making choices that i would not make is inappropriate, shaming behavoir that further perpetuates negative stereotypes (particularly of women) and supressed sexuality.

i do not think that the sex industry is part of the problem of "unconscious sex" among teens or adults. I think that the problem really lies in lack of education, lack of self knowledge, lack of training in how to gain self knowledge (through teaching critical thinking skills) and cultural suppression of sexuality and individual sexual identity. i really believe it comes down to two primary factors: lack of critical thinking and lack of education.

Without these two elements, people do all sorts of really stupid, harmful things, and perpetuate really stupid, harmful ideas--for example, the idea that "hookers" are responsible for irresponsible sex among teens and adults. another example is the immense shame about sex and sexuality in general: embarassed about your labia? embarassed about enjoying touching your partner's penis? being embarassed about liking a bit of rough play or bondage? fear or shame for being gay or bisexual? When i meet a person of any age who is sexually active and very ashamed, i think to myself--what is really going on? they're struggling with a culture of shame and suppression of sexuality, one that is perpetuated by terms such as "whores" and a fear of being considered one.

To me, an educated, critical thinking teen can make appropriate choices. For me, that choice was to wait. For other teens, it may be to have sex with a partner or partners of their choosing. the real issues related to teen sex are the legal ones: access to birth control and legal abortions, age of consent and statutory rape laws, and access to reliable sex education.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 8:31am

I agree and disagree with your post.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 10:43am
I was 19

Pages