How Should I Ask...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
How Should I Ask...?
4
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 2:09pm
... my new guy what he likes in bed? Sex is definitly very good and he cums so I feel like I am doing something right...LOL. But he is also very quiet (I am very vocal) and I would like to "blow his mind". I know this sounds like a silly question as it should be obvious...just ask him! What is a good way to ask him - without sounding like I am in a porno movie :) (i.e. what do you you want me to do? what would you like?...) what he likes? I also don't want to sound like I totally lack confidence either...just a bit unsure with a new guy. Any ideas? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 4:29pm

Being unsure in the beginning of a relationship is normal. You have no idea what he's used to or what he likes. He may be very conservative, or he may be wild.....but toning it down a little in the beginning.

Remember, that he's having the SAME thoughts. He wants to know what you're used to, and what you like......so unless you're both mind readers, you have to talk.

Yes, it should be very simple.....Just talk to him OUT of the bedroom about things you can do with and for each other, ask him for suggestions, give him suggestions, and go from there. Unfortunately, some guys (and some women) can't talk freely about stuff like that......and you'll get answers like, "I don't care" or "Whatever YOU want is fine with me" or "I love it all". If you get an answer like that, then TELL him that's not what you want to hear. Whatever you do, don't tell him what your ex did that you loved.....and if he tries to tell you about an ex, tell him you don't want to know about that......you just want suggestions. It's NEVER good to bring ex's into the discussion.

You don't even have to say you've done it before, but you could tell him you've heard about (whatever) and always wanted to try it, and how would he feel about that?

Bottom line is if you can DO it, you should be able to talk about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 6:38pm
The best time is while it's happening in your sexy voice ask him what he wants or ask if he likes when you lick him there....does he want you to go faster, or harder. Sometimes after sex, during the cuddling phase it's a good time to discuss what went down(especially if you were caught up in the moment). ;-) He may just be happy with the status quo...in that case you can just tell him to make sure that he tells you if something DOESN'T feel good. This way "no news is good news and you're free to explore." tee hee
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 8:16pm
Well that is not something to be worried about, i think ever sexual couple asks that question or is thinking about it...you can just bring up sex...and be like what are your fantaties...or sexually what do i do that you love or something like that...and youre doing it for him...so he should be happy you're asking!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 11:02am
A litmus test I've had, and has worked well over the years, is to stop (make sure you STOP) and ask in the heat of the moment. My favorite is going at it doggy-style, hard, stopping and asking something like, "Would you mind if I slapped your ass while I have my dick inside you?" It sends two messages. 1) I *want* to try something different. 2) I will stop what I'm doing to ask, so if you don't want me to stop, speak up before I do.