how to show I'm interested to dh

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
how to show I'm interested to dh
5
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 10:20pm

So dh and I had a heart to heart talk about our sex life. He's not happy having sex with a wife who obviously would prefer to not do it. It just shows that I am only doing it to please him.


Myself, I'm ok with sex with him. I usually have multiple o's and it's fun..at the end when it's quite intense. Till that end time, I'm kind of bored and can't wait to get to the good stuff. He would like much more foreplay but that really isn't much for me. The last 5 minutes are the best. I love the dessert, he wants to spend more time on the main course. (even at dinner, I only eat it to get to the dessert).


He's turned off by the fact that he feels I'm only doing it to please him. He's so turned off, that he now needs ED pills to keep it going.


I have to say though, I'd be very turned on if dh was a new guy I was only dating or someone I had just met. If I knew he was only dating me once a week, I'd be hot as an branding iron. But he's here and always available so I've got to somehow get my engine out of neutral and

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 8:33am

To show him you're "interested", then you have to BE interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 8:39am

Welcome to the board, queenrani.

I can't say that I've ever felt the way that you do. I have experienced times in my life when my libido was lower than I would have liked, but as far as wanting to get to the end for all the fun -- that's not something I can relate too.

Why don't you enjoy foreplay? Does he perform oral? Have you ever had orgasms during foreplay? Have the two of you tried including sex toys in your play? Do you have sex in places other than your bedroom, before going to sleep? Anything that creates a little change to the routine can spice things up.

My mind is usually so busy thinking of past pleasures, fantasizing about new pleasures I would enjoy or just plain enjoying all of the sensations that I'm feeling -- I can honestly say, I don't have a chance to get bored. If I do start fading away from the act, then I change things up to make it more intense for me. Sometimes that means I'll change position, other times I take over the thrusting, and then there are times I stimulate my clitoris or nipples. There are also times we stop IC and have oral for a while, or some other type of stimulation so that we have variety in our activity. I also get a huge rush from watching hubby enjoy the pleasure he feels.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 3:42pm

Maybe it's the over availability of our mates?


Maybe it doesn't count, because we've "only" been together 3 years. But I look forward to that level of intimacy. It takes me awhile to let down my guard, so I look forward to being open & all that, with one person. The one person I chose to get to know.


I dislike the beginning of relationships, when it's so uncertain & you don't know each other's jokes. I don't know if I'm accepted, if he'll laugh at me. But later, you work those things out. You build the trust.


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 10:20pm

You make a great point. I do appreciate that sex is easier with one we're very comfortable with. I don't need to be nervous or worried about what he's thinking.


However it's a lot like say, a pool. If I'm invited to someone's house to use the pool, I'd be all excited and thinking about how much fun it is. However if I go ahead and install a pool in our backyard, I'd hardly use it. It's always there anyway, what's the urgency? I know people who have stopped opening their pools in the summer. Just not worth the bother.


I looked into some books at my library. Apparently this problem is quite common and there are lots of books there for me to read. I'll have to start on that and see if that helps.


Thanks to all of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 10:27pm

You know, I'm wondering if I should forget about intercourse for a while and just work on foreplay. Take the pressure off and try to just have foreplay. If it becomes the