How to talk about sexual history, tests,
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How to talk about sexual history, tests,
| Tue, 07-26-2005 - 9:05am |
Hi,
I am thinking of being intimate with someone in the next few months. How does one bring up the subject. I have been tested & am clean. Do I need to get tested again? Should we go together? Should we do condoms for awhile?
Thanks,

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If you plan on being intimate, testing is something that has to be discussed before becoming intimate.
Good for you for doing this!!! I never had the courage to bring this up with my current lover -- I can only hope/assume we're both clean after several months and zero repercussions -- but we never used condoms or got tested or even talked about it. I can't believe I can be so childish in this day and age, but he just _seemed_ like the kind of person for whom this would not be an issue, even though I know he has slept with lots of women. Being realistic, I can't really see how he'd have used condoms with them either.
Back to you: I think, like a lot of things, clear good-natured communication is called for here. Easier said than done, perhaps. But what could be more fun than going to get tested together? ... you could make a fun, upbeat event out of it. Then perhaps you could use condoms until you get the test results -- yes, some guys really can't get comfortable in condoms but if that's so in your case, IC hopefully isn't on the menu.
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Thanks for your feedback. Yep I know about the other STDs too. Looking back since I last got tested, I am a little concerned & have contacted someone from my past. I just hate the anxiety of the tests & all.
I think it's always better to be safe than sorry when becoming intimate with anyone. Because a person can be infected with something, be asymptomatic, particularly men, and unknowingly pass it on without ever being aware of it.
In this day and age of life threatening (AIDS) and life altering (genital warts/herpes) STD's, I think it's wise to get tested TOGETHER and put both your minds at ease. Taking responsibility for your own health and safety should never be a question.
Edited 7/26/2005 11:40 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Edited 7/26/2005 12:18 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
I made a serious error in judgement a few years back and had unprotected sex with a new lover. She was very open & frank about her sexual history but there were 2 warnings that I did not heed;
- her DH had had a number of affairs,
- and she herself was in a FWB relationship
I didn't really think about my possible exposure factor.
Well, we never used condoms, or got tested. I can't believe that I was so irresponsible a decade-and-a-half after AIDS hit North America.
Things went fine between us for months, then I learned that she was STILL having unprotected sex with Mr. FWB. I was devastated, and we separated. I began to think about my exposure; I think, and she agrees, that Mr. FWB is not very likely to be monogamous with her. Some STDs take months, even years to show up.
If I was doing this again, I'd say go to the same doctor together & get tested together and use safer sex practices until you get thru 2 cycles of testing and appear disease-free. That's about 7 months.
Condoms protect fairly well against disease. The "wider coverage" of the external part of the Female Condom improves your protection. STDs can also be spread through oral sex and anal sex so you need to think about barriers there...Saranwrap, or dental dams, or latex condoms.
Herpes, hepatis, and AIDS are lifetime health problems. Better safe than sorry.
I'm sorry I can't credit this quote from an email that I received, but the writer says "every 3 months" because she is poly-amorous & bisexual:
"LIST OF STDS THAT NEED TO BE TESTED FOR EVERY 3 MONTHS
Vaginal or Penial smear
1. Gonorrhea
2. Chlamydia
3. Trichomoniasis
4. Candiasis (yeast)
Blood Test
1. Syphilis
2. Hepatitis B
3. Hepatitis C
4. HIV
* Genital warts - biopsy of lesion
Herpes - swab from lesion
(* This is only if you already have the symptoms of warts or lesions.)
http://www.lesbianstd.com/lesbian_health_information.htm
<http://health.aol.thriveonline.oxygen.com/sex/stds/tools/symptom_database/index.htmls>
==========
(she included this Q & A passage: )
Q: I would like to know what types of sickness or diseases can be transmitted through kissing and oral sex. Can hepatitis B be transmitted through kissing?
A: The short answer to this question is that almost all STDs can be transmitted through oral sex, and yes, hepatitis B can be transmitted through kissing. But to really understand the risks of such transmission, you need to know more about the basic transmission of STDs.
Even the definition of the term "sexually transmitted diseases" has grown muddled in recent years. We now think of them in two categories, those that are predominately transmitted through sexual activity, and those that are occasionally but not predominately transmitted through sex. In the former group would be the old bacterial STDs, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia and others, and the more recently-important viral STDs, HIV, hepatitis B, genital warts, herpes, and others.
You must also consider the efficiency of the transmission in each bodily fluid. Male semen is the most efficient transmission fluid. The viruses and several of the bacteria are present in large numbers, and ejaculation, whether into a vagina, a rectum, or the mouth, carries a high risk of infection. It is for this reason that condoms are such an important method of preventing infection.
Vaginal secretions are a less efficient transmission fluid, so male to female, or male to male, infection is easier than female to male or female to female, whether through intercourse or oral sex. But even if less efficient, there obviously is a lot of female to male transmission.
Saliva is the least efficient transmission fluid, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. Many cases of Hepatitis B transmission through saliva have been described. The HIV virus has been found in saliva, but I'm not aware of any definite cases of transmission in which saliva was the only fluid exchanged.
Gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, herpes and genital warts can all occur in the mouth or throat, so transmission by kissing is at least theoretically possible.
So how can you protect yourself, and your partner? Always use condoms, at least until you know that this is a monogamous relationship, and you both have been tested appropriately. Don't have multiple partners. Frequent changes of partners greatly enhance transmission. Don't mix sex with drugs; sexually transmitted diseases are very common in crack and heroin using inner city populations. Consider mutual masturbation. That's the least efficient method of transmission of all."
I hope this quote helps.
Big
Thank you.
Have you had the corage to get tested?
I really appreciate everyonbe's feedback. I feel comfortable with the last 2 tests I have had in the past 2 years & spoke recently to partners I have had (2). One of them even went with me.
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