How wrong is this???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
How wrong is this???
47
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:57am

EDITED TO JUST ASK THE QUESTION.


Is it wrong to fantasize about your X while masturbating and/or having sex with an SO?


I feel it is wrong to fantasize while having sex with an SO, although masturbating seems not so good, especially if your sex life is on the rocks, but if you're single, I see no issue with it.


Your thoughts.

(You'd think I would've learned by now to keep my personal life out of any questoins.....duh!)



Edited 8/24/2004 1:13 pm ET ET by tigger1_92

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 12:14pm
I'm a male and I say it is wrong that he told you.

I fantasize about a lot of diff. people(some ex's) while masterbating, and rarely, but have, while making love to a SO.

I sure wouldn't tell my ex about it though, (and here's the key)UNLESS I were trying to get the ex back, or trying to get the ex to have an affair with me.

That is the only reason for telling any woman you fantasize about them. To flatter and seduce. Or to keep you stringing along.

Why are you IMing him anyway?

I think you should cut ties, accept if a child or other Business is necessary.

And all that should be held as business....not chit chat...how's your sex life?

It is only torturing both of you.
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 12:33pm
both of you are wrong. your interaction is obviously teasing and flirting past the point where either of you are likely to feel comfortable if your current partner knew of the details of your interaction. if you continue you are likely to be tempted and potentially will create a mess of both your relationships. he is your ex for a reason.

you are in no way innocent in this. it is obvious that you are still attracted to him and are flattered by his attention. i think the right thing to do would be to limit your contact with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 12:48pm

I guess this is they key part for me.


I fantasize about a lot of diff. people(some ex's) while masterbating, and rarely, but have, while making love to a SO.


That's all I really wanted to know. EDIT, I wanted to know if it's "okay"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 12:58pm
>>I sure wouldn't tell my ex about it though, (and here's the key)UNLESS I were trying to get the ex back, or trying to get the ex to have an affair with me.

That is the only reason for telling any woman you fantasize about them. To flatter and seduce. Or to keep you stringing along.

Well, he's not stringing me along, that I know. He's probably not trying to seduce me as I am 800 miles away. But, he could be trying to flatter me. I guess you need to understand our history. And the short story of the history is best sex and deepest love. <<

I am confused, didn't you say he kept tyring to get you to have cybersex with him? I think he IS trying to seduce you, and you are either not seeing it or choosing not to see it.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:02pm

Let's not judge what you don't 100% know. And what you do konw, is only a fraction of the story.


Jeez.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:06pm

I don't think telling me he's fantasizing about me while having sex would be a way to seduce a person. AND he should know this. IF he was trying to seduce me, he knows how, and it's not to tell me about what he's thinking about when he's with his gf.


Look, I married him. He knows me. And he knows telling me that wouldn't seduce me. He knows how to seduce me. And what he's been doing.......he should know doesn't work.


I guess. Him talking about how great I was in bed, how much he misses it, how he really liked this or that, now THAT is seduction and flattery.


It's like saying how great I am compared to her. And that she downright sucks. That's not a seduction. That's being hard up for sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:07pm
My opinion: it is wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:11pm

You know. I didn't post this to get

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:16pm
>>I haven't told you the whole story, and so let's stop trying to judge the ENTIRE situation off of a shallow post<<

There is NOTHING you could add to this story to make me think that talking about intimate sexual things with an ex is OK. And to answer your question, I don't think it is wrong to imagine an EX during masturbation unless it feeds an interest in that person. You can't always control what you fantasize about.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:31pm
I guess i would say, that i don't fantasize about ex's...but that's largely because those relationships ended for a reason and i no longer think of them sexually...

i DO rarely think of other people (celebrities mostly- hee hee) while masturbating, but almost always i'm thinking about my bf (like replaying hot nights we've had)...and certainly not during sex...altho i think there are a lot of people who would say that during sex sometimes something just pops in your head, you can't always control it!!!

is it 'wrong'??? well, i guess that's up to each person- my best test is: how would i feel if the situation were reversed...if my BF was thinking about his ex while having sex with me, i'd be heartbroken...so there's My answer..for ME...

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