How wrong is this???
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How wrong is this???
| Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:57am |
EDITED TO JUST ASK THE QUESTION.
Is it wrong to fantasize about your X while masturbating and/or having sex with an SO?
I feel it is wrong to fantasize while having sex with an SO, although masturbating seems not so good, especially if your sex life is on the rocks, but if you're single, I see no issue with it.
Your thoughts.
(You'd think I would've learned by now to keep my personal life out of any questoins.....duh!)Edited 8/24/2004 1:13 pm ET ET by tigger1_92

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This is what I don't understand with this whole thread.
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I think Westie summed it up nicely.
I guess I don't get that type of thinking, because then why is this board even here? I mean, shouldn't everyone be talking to their SO's then, instead of us?
I would question then, why is ANY of these help boards here? In a perfect world, we should always talk to our SO's about our issues but if that was the case, most of these boards wouldn't exist.
JMHO.
Agree to disagree?
I just wanted to say that you made some very valid points. That many ppl see their sex life as intimate and very personal. I guess I don't. Like I said, I'm an open book, nothing is off limits, I could careless. And I will respect the wishes of my bf to talk or not to talk about things with other ppl, but he feels like me, he doesn't care.
BUT, since society see's what I am doing as wrong, and although I could careless what ppl think, I'd rather not make trouble with my xh and his gf. Also, my xh see's talking about sex like me, it's not intimate and personal, it's just factual. Also, if an x was just an x, and sex was intimate and personal, then in my opinion, ppl shouldn't be fantasizing about their X's in any sort of way if they are with someone new. But, ppl here have said it's normal and fine.
I think it's just how you see things, and how I see things. The men I am with don't see sex as intimate and personal, they see it as a pleasureable physical act, adn that's how I see it as. Once I am not having sex with a man, I can talk about sex with him because it's not personal anymore. I guess for me, once I'm not with a guy, I separate all emotions from him. Meaning, if we talk about sex, it means absolutely nothing. It'd be like me talking to you about sex. Nothing.
I guess though, if I run in a crowd that accepts me as me, and they see sex and life the same way, then I shouldn't really care what anyone else thinks. But as many of you have stated, you're all sad for the gf. Well, I feel sorry for her too. To know that her bf is having sexual fantasies about me while masturbating AND during sex. And yes, that's why I know that I shouldn't talk to him anymore. He sees that as normal and okay, and as fantasies, nothing more. I see it as it being sad that he can't enjoy a sexual experience w/o his xw, because his gf isn't pleasing him. or should i say, sex isn't pleasing her.
I guess, today, the general consensus is over ruling my "live my life as I want" bit today. =)
I always agree to disagree.
Nope, I don't think that your a freak. When I posted I was just trying to communicate to you that I believe that the majority of people see your situation and feelings about sexual conversations with ex-partners differently. It's probably a good idea to consider the opinions and feelings of others if you want to avoid conflict in this situation. I'm not making a judgement about you or your values. After-all, who am I to make judgements?
I'll just make a comment about people fantasising about their exes: I don't think it's wrong in the normal sense of the word, and I do think that it is very normal. After-all, you can't just wipe those memories from your brain. You can remember those enjoyable sexual experiences from the past and even use them as fuel for masturbating or enhancing your current sex life if you like - noone can stop you doing that. I don't think that it does any good sharing those memories with a new partner or with the ex partner though. It just tends to create doubt and uncertainty in the minds of your partners.
I don't want to hear about how much fun my partner's ex-b/f was, or how great he was at sports, or how he gave the best massage or how great he was at oral sex. It makes me very uncomfortable and I wonder why, if she is with me now and we're having good sex, she needs to talk about the ex b/f in such intimate detail. What purpose does it serve?
Some people do come for help, but I think in most cases it opens the door for them to talk to their SO about the problem. The oft-repeated phrase here is "Ask him/her, he/she will know more about themselves than we do!"
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