Hubby and daughter's friends
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Hubby and daughter's friends
| Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:40pm |
My daughter had a Halloween sleepover party last night(15 & 16) year olds. We have a huge house, but there were so many girls that they stayed in two bedrooms. About three in the morning, I woke up and found my DH masturbating while looking through the crack of one of the bedrooms(not the one where my daughter was sleeping). Is this normal?

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Edited 11/1/2004 4:49 pm ET ET by ladypleiades
No. It is NOT normal and is entirely inappropriate. There is another discussion here titled "Schoolgirl???" that was posted this morning too and it's relevant. Fantasies about attractive, young females are generally harmless but there are boundaries that should be observed.
Generally, it's that 15 and 16 years old is getting into emotionally and sexually immature territory so it is somewhat inappropriate for girls that age to be considered sexual attractive by older men. Add another couple of years onto the age and when they hit 18 years old then it is a different thing - young women at 18 are more emotionally and sexually mature and are young adults. At 15 and 16 they are still borderline children.
Admittedly our culture at the moment with teenagers behaviour, dress and expectations has blurred those lines too. There are girls at 15 and 16 years of age that look and behave like they are going on 25 and 26 years old.
It's one thing to sneak a peek through a doorframe at a 16 year old that might look older but masturbating there and then is disturbing. After-all, he knew that the girls are young and that masturbating is blatantly sexual behaviour right there basically in front of them. I'd have to ask him what he thinks he was doing. I doubt that you are going to get a good answer from him because he knows what he was doing is taboo and unacceptable.
I doubt that it means that he is a pedophile or that your daughter or her friends are in any danger. He just got caught doing something that is considered very, very taboo and very inappropriate. I'd be a little surprised if it ever happened again or ever lead to anything more serious but I let him know that it is behaviour that I find totally unacceptable.
Edited to add: I think that my view of my partner after this would be permenantly altered. What exactly you do about this is up to you. I think that I would be watching him in the future and analysing his behaviour around young women. While _probably_ nothing to seriously worry about, I wouldn't perceive him in quite the same way ever again.
Edited 11/1/2004 4:05 pm ET ET by westridge2001
No, it is not normal. It is a MAJOR red flag. Even if it was just a
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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!
Yes. That's a good idea. It might help you to deal with this situation appropriately as well. If nothingelse, you should consider talking to a health professional that is knowledgeable about this sort of thing. Try the phone book for some counselling lines or health centres and ask around to find someone that can help.
I agree with all the other posts, it is NOT normal.
He was very at ease about getting caught. I have an older daughter and when her friends are around(they're 17 & 18) he oogles them. I've discussed it with him, and he brushes it off as being perfectly normal for a man to do this.
I'll suggest counciling but I'm not sure that he thinks he has a problem, and according to some ppl here(if I'm understanding correctly), is that it's OK to get aroused by 15 year old girls just not to act on it. Is masturbating in the privacy of your bathroom considered acting on it? What exactly do the other ppl here who say that its perfectly normal for him to get aroused by these girls do to relieve themselves?
When I was about 17, I selpt over a friends grandmothers house, it was Christmas time and I still remember it vividly almost 25 years ago.
There were a bunch of kids sleeping all over the living room floor, I was the only one not related. I woke up to some noises when everyone else was sleeping and looked over and saw my friends uncle masturbating as he watched me. Somehow, he diddnt realize that I was awake, (or so I thought, in retrospect he probably did), and continued masturbating. I pretened that I was asleep because I was terrified.
Turned out I was right to be terrified. Many months later, that same friend told me that, when she was very young, she had been molested repeatedly by three of her uncles, including that one.
Anyway, It may seem harmless and victimless but it is not. That experience has never left me. It had a definite impact on my then emerging sexuality.
Again, it is not normal or ok. Get help!
Danielle
Being aroused by a 15yo girl that might look older is one thing - especially if you didn't realise that the girl was only 15 and had thought that she was maybe 18 or older. It happens - and YOUNG guys go to jail for it all the time.
But masturbating in your bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night with the door open watching girls that you know to be 15yo is NOT appropriate any way that you look at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Especially if you brush it off as perfectly normal behaviour and don't express ANY remorse!!!
In light of the extra information I really think that things need to be taken further because he's starting to look like a high risk kinda guy where it might escalate to actual abuse in the future. Best try some counselling and eliminate that possibilty, don't you think?
"Being aroused by a 15yo girl that might look older is one thing - especially if you didn't realise that the girl was only 15 and had thought that she was maybe 18 or older. It happens - and YOUNG guys go to jail for it all the time."
"But masturbating in your bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night with the door open watching girls that you know to be 15yo is NOT appropriate any way that you look at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You confuse me because in your first post you DID understand that he KNEW that they were 15 & 16, (and some look 18 and some look 13), and yet you still acted as though it's natural for men to get aroused, only not act on it. Which is it? Is it normal to become aroused by 15 yo as long as she looks 18 or not at all?
Another question. Do you think that the sexual craze of the young is to entertain young boys and men, or is it to titillate older men?
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