Husband attacked me last night!
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| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 9:56am |
Seriously. Last night right when I was just falling asleep my husband rolled over in bed and literally attacked me. Now my husband is a cop but he ahs never done anything like this before. I was half asleep so i actually didn't know if it was my husband or someone else. He didn't hurt me thankfully. I did up crying when he was done and slept on the couch for a little while though.
In one move of the hand he had completely ripped off my bra and underwear. I was a little shocked. I have been sexually assaulted so my defense was quickly rising. He started to finger me and hold me down. He was extremely rough and my DH is the most gentle man I know. I ended up screaming for him to stop. After about 10 minutes he rolled over and fell asleep. It was apparent to me that he had no idea what he did.
I asked him this morning if he remembered "messing" with me last night and he said no. I want to believe him because I know he would never hurt me. It just really scared the crap out of me. I don't want to be scared of my husband. Has anyone ever experienced this with a partner before? Do you think it could happen again? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks ~Erika~

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Erika,
I think you just need to let him know what he did. He obviously doesn't get it, or perhaps he does have a memory of it and feels embarrassed. Once you get it off your chest, you will probably feel better. If he was asleep, you know it wasn't intentional, so make sure you let him know that too. He may be avoiding the conversation because he might feel you blame him.
If anything like that ever happens again, I would wake him on the spot and let him know what he's doing.
my partner in the siggy exchange
Hi momma!
My DH is a Vietnam Vet. Sometimes nights at our house are more active than our days! Just last week he woke me up patting me on the top of the head...I wondered what he was going to do, because I can never predict his behavior. I was moving away from him to the edge of the bed when he grabbed me by the hair on the back of my head and screamed, "Let me loose, you *F%^&%$$!!!! I'm gonna kill you!!". I grabbed his wrist so I could pull his hand to my head (saving my hair) and kept repeating his name over and over calmly. He didn't ever 'wake up' but he did let loose and turn over. This is one aspect of PTSD that we live with (post traumatic stress disorder). Many weird things have happened over the years and sometimes he's sexual (grabbing a breast and leaving bruises) but that only happens rarely. He remembered the dream about the hair pulling - a man with dreds was holding him down and he was fighting to get away. But that's the exception to the rule. Most of the time he has no recollection of any part of what he did.
He is mortified when I tell him about what he has done. He is the kindest and gentlest man I've ever known - just exactly what you say about your DH. We've been married for almost 20 years. I don't tell him unless it's been rough or I have bruises (I do bruise easily). And you said,"I know he would never hurt me". And I'm sure that is true. Same here. It bothers DH terribly to hear these things and I can imagine that your husband probably is the same and wishes this would just go away. Men like to feel that they are in control of themselves at all times. This incident points out that he's not and he's done something unthinkable - he's hurt the woman he loves - how can he reconcile that with himself?
If you are having negative reactions to his touch, then you need to talk with someone about these feelings. It sounds to me like you both could use at least a few sessions with a counsellor to get through this. Just to get your marriage back on an even keel.
My best to you,
Moon
PS-If you feel like you need to talk, e-mail me. I'd be glad to listen.
Thanks so much for the advice. I couldn't imagine what you have experienced. I did say something to him about what he did and he asked me to not say anymore. I could tell it was bothering him. He asked me if he hurt ma and i told him no. That seemed to relieve him a little.
I have had some bad past experiences and I think that's why I am a little weary of his touch. He knows that though and is giving me the space I need. I do start counseling on Monday though.
I'll definately e-mail you if i need to talk. Thanks again!
to anyone that has had a SO do this kind of stuff.. did it start out with "smaller" things?
i made a thread about stuff my bf has done to me in his sleep a week or so ago..mainly...grabbing me and pulling me really tight and hard towards him, rubbing my stomach and then spanking it, rubbing me in his sleep, sleep talking...which he never remembers anything, or will remember parts. he remembers the spanking incident and knew what was going on, but had no control over it.
i just asked him and he said he used to get really horny and wake up messing around with girls and have no idea what was going on and he has calmed down a lot since he's been with me. i don't know exactly what he's done, but for me it was just the touching. i'm guessing it was more with other girls.
so i just wonder if the stuff got worse as you were together? b/c if so, the spanking would technically be worse than stuff before. it didn't hurt at all. this thread just made me a little nervous about that
if you've noticed it has gotten worse, is there anything that has been done about it? or can be done about it?
Hi Farmgirl,
When I read your post I wondered if your BF takes anything to help him sleep - Ambien...?
Also, sleep walkers can be very active and look wide awake (eyes open, answering questions) when they are actually very much asleep and hard to wake up. I had a roommate in college that was this way - scary! The only other experience I've had is with my DH and it hasn't gotten worse with time, it actually happens less often now.
That being said, do you have a gut feeling that something isn't right about your BF's behavior?
Moon
no, he's not taking anything to sleep. he's a very heavy sleeper.
he doesn't open his eyes when he does anything. i've said if you're really awake open your eyes, and he'll keep talkng to me and have his eyes closed. the stuff he says is completely random.
the only time he has ever woken up was the time when he was rubbing my stomach and spanked it...he said he remembers thinking, oh i should spank this, and as his hand rose he woke up and couldn't stop it from falling. he imediately started said oh sh-t. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i don't know owhy i did that. i was sleeping and i didn't know. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. he did feel really bad. i told him it was ok. it's not like it was abusive at all or hurt.
his behavior doesn't bother me, it's funny to me, but i wouldn't want things to happen to me that have happened to some of the other ladies. so i just wonder if it's gotten worse, i guess.
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