Husband doesn't like female ejaculation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
Husband doesn't like female ejaculation
7
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 8:52am

My husband and I have been together for 14 years now and we have always had a very active sex life, until recently. We always pleased each other with foreplay until one of us couldn't take it anymore and then we had great sex. About 6 months ago I experienced female ejaculation for the first and only time (with him of course). I thought him not wanting sex anymore was because of his nerve pills that he has to take. But he confided to me that he doesn't want to have oral because I ejaculated and he thinks is gross.

So longer story short, I went from having sex no less than 3 times a week to maybe once and month. On top of that I am no longer pleased with sex at all. He seems to want it his way and doesn't want to perform any kind of fore play with me (but he's happy to receive). He won't even finger me. I have already made up my mind that I am not giving him anymore oral unless he does it to me in return, but that won't solve this problem. I even looked up information and showed him this board where female ejaculation was discussed but he still doesn't like it and won't get past this. What should I do? Can I do anything to help get over this? I feel so hurt and even dirty because my husband no longer wants to touch me. Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated. I am just hurt and confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:21am

First of all, I can't believe that your husband would act like that because you etaculated. It makes no sense, it actually bothers me to hear that a guy could do that to his wife. It's wierd because I actually started one of those female ejaculation discussions and I wish my girl did that. But what I found out is basically that a women can't really control it, they said that it just happens to some women.

What if you told him that semen was "gross"??? And that you didn't want to give him head anymore because you didn't like it, but you still expected him to go down on you??? I bet he wouldn't like that.

I really don't know what to say, it just boggles my mind to think that someone can feel that way about his wife, especially about something that she couldn't control.

Just on a side note, I LOVE going down on my girl. But she is nowhere near as sexual as I am so it doesn't happen often. If one day she would happen to ejaculate I would love it. I guess your husband just had a different reaction to something he wasn't used to.

Jerz

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:34am

What do you mean when you refer to his "nerve pills"?

Many meds, especially anti-depressants - impact libido and sexual performace ability. It is possible that your husband is suffering the effects of his medication without even realizing that they are the cause. Sure, maybe he finds the whole female-ejaculation-while-performing-oral as a disgusting thing and that may cause him to shy away from the posibility of it happening again, but what you are describing seems to me to go way beyond simply avoiding oral to the point of orgasm.

Visit http://www.pdrhealth.com/drug_info/ and do a search on his meds. If sexual side effects are listed, consider discussing this with him and his doctor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 11:06am

Hey dreamergirl.

I don't think your issue together is that uncommon. He is NOT the only one out there among men who feel that way, and YES there are oooo plenty of women who feel 'exactly' the same way about performing oral on their men as well. Probably more rare than normal, yes, but not that uncommon nevertheless.

First thing you need to realize is that you ARE normal, your body does what it does and it sounds perfectly normal and healthy so far. In fact, and I'm not making this up, tons of men out there actually that.

Your hubby is just reacting the way he is because of HIS inaccurate view of it all, NOT because you are unclean. Do NOT confuse the two. His reactions make you feel gross and you can't help that any more than he himself can't help feeling grossed out by certain things in life, even something like this.

So far so good?

Good. Now if you're asking how to change his mind on this, all I can say is that you can sit down together and become educated on female sexuality. Remember, its for his extra knowledge on your body ONLY, you can't force him to accept what he personally feels uncomfortable about, EVEN IF you know he's viewing this the wrong way, any more than men can force women to giving fellatio.

His view may not be right, but that doesn't mean you are unclean or gross NOR does it necessarily mean he tried to hurt you, IMHO. He just doesn't enjoy that part of it, and the only thing I can suggest is counseling. Here's a common website that may educate him a bit more about his view of things:

http://the-clitoris.com/

In the meantime, I can only hope that you two are still able to love each other and enjoy through other means anyway. If the relationship is fine, then I hope you don't let his uncontrollable feelings on this ruin everything else. :)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 11:40am

Dreamergirl...without defending his subsequent actions, try and look at this from his point of view. For HIM, it was probably akin to having you urinate into his face and mouth during oral. That's NOT what happened, but he obviously feels that the liquid you ejaculated is similar to urine, a waste product. He needs to be educated about female ejaculation and needs to understand that it's not waste but closer to semen. And you probably take THAT into your mouth without a problem.

Tell him how this rejection is making you feel and how it's hurting your relationship. If he's unwilling to provide you with the foreplay you both enjoyed, then counseling would be the next step. Sometimes, just getting an objective opinion from a professional can help a lot.

You can't control how anyone reacts but you can inform and educate about something they may not understand which could help, but it may not. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 4:40pm
I think the big change is caused by his meds. But, is it possible if he was used to three times a week and now is down to once a month that he could still be doing three a week but somewhere else??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 7:47am

Oh please! She doesn't have enough problems at this point? YOu have to plant THAT seed in her mind? Just because someone's libido changes doesn't mean they're "getting it elsewhere"!

As a matter of fact, most guys that are getting "it" elsewhere, if they have any brains at all, keep it up at home because they don't want the wife to get suspicious...BTDT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 11:05pm
I said it was probably the meds but I know first hand that the oher is very possible. What does BTDT mean?