husband not into new positions

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
husband not into new positions
9
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 5:53pm

My husband and I have been married for 4 months (he is 27 i am 24) but we have only done the basic sex positions like missionary and women on top. I would really like to try some new positions like doggie style etc. I even bought a sex position book ;) lol. But the thing is my husband is not at all into trying new positions really. I am ALWAYS the one to bring it up. He sais he doesn't want to try doggie style cause it is not physically comfortable. ANother thing is that he has never put his member in me, I have always put it in cause it was just easier.

He knows I want to try new stuff and he sais we will but we never do! I asked him if we could do doggie style standing up to be more comfy for him, and he said that if he couldn't see my face he wouldn't be turned on enough. Is he just saying that? I guess he doesn't get that I want to try new positions that much. We are still newlyweds and I just wanna explore and have lots of fun and stuff before things like kids come along.

Any advice????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 7:20pm

What he has to understand is sex is about TWO people not just him and the way he wants it.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 7:42pm
it is true that sex is fairly new to both of us. we both were virgins until out wedding night. and i guess i am a bit more confident. we were going to try it and were in the doggie style position but then he went limp. i think cause he is nervous. i don't wanna bug him about it and put pressure on him. i just wish he was more excited and confident to at least try things! I mean i can't make him lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:13am

Hi,

when you tried it once, and he went limp, was it following a bout of "I want, I dont want" conversations, or has his refusal been since he went limp? If so, it could be he wants to avoid the position in case it happens again.

If not then it could be something about that position which effects him negativly. As Tich said, could be you need a mirror, or it could be something from his past, or it could b he is one of the very few men who have a problem with hat particular view (a lot more on show, if you get my drift).

You need to have the talk and fin out what his reason is, but take it gental and dont push him into anything. Or, the alternative is always the "if you do that for me, tell me what I can do for you" line.

Good luck

Jaffa

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:43pm

It sounds as though both of you lack experience and perhaps he is just a bit more shy than you are. The good news is that you have a lifetime to experiment with what works for you (and that is likely to change for the life of your relationship). Has he looked at the book that you have? If he is shy about looking at it, leave it somewhere convenient and private (like the bathroom) so that he can look at it on his terms. Also, we don't know what kind of upbringing he had, so that can really play into his feelings as well. Perhaps when you talk to him, you should let him know that you feel both of you need to learn more because you know how important that aspect of your relationship is. You both have needs, they may not always match, but being able to talk is always going to be your relationship saver.

As for specifics on doggy. I'm thinking there is something going on in his head there. When the two of you get to where you can talk openly, you may learn what it is. The mirror suggestion is a great thing for you to bring up and maybe it is just about seeing your face. Since he mentioned comfort, and then changed his reason, I think there is something else going on there. As for physical comfort, if you can't both be on your knees, you can be on your knees on the bed and he should be able to stand on the floor behind you.

There are also some books that come with DVD's. Is there a chance that he will watch one of those with you? They are not porn, but they do show couples in various positions and/or participating in different sexual acts (oral, masturbation, intercourse, etc.). They are narrated in an instructional manner but do offer a limited amount of eroticism. Perhaps the visual will provide a stimulation that he needs. The one that I am familiar with is called "Advanced Sexual Techniques" and is from the Sinclair Institute. One of my friends received this as a shower gift and it really did have a lot of information in it. A book about Kama Sutra might also be a nice addition to your library. It will offer a huge collection of positions, many of which you can also research and see here on ivillage.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:28pm
the thing is he works over full time about 60 hours a week. so we don't get to have it that often cause he is so tired etc. so when we do i am afraid to bring it up. i mean i love having sex with him but it's just frustrating when we don't try that many new things. i ask him what i can do for him but he sais everything is good already. we discussed it awhile ago and he said kind of annoyed "is the new position thing such a big deal" and i was annoyed and said "i guess not" and i threw our sex position book in the garbage (it is now in the closet). maybe that was immature, but i was frustrated. I mean why keep it if we never use it! make any sense? and about his past he was never with anyone sexually b4 me and same for me. he used to watch porn and go to strippers with his friends sometimes, and maybe that has something to do with this? maybe cause they use the doggie style a lot in porn he is afraid to do it. i like the mirror idea though. i am not saying i am going to LOVE doggie style etc, but i just wanna try it! i mean it took him awhile to be comfortable with the missionary pos. Thanks for all your advice everyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:00pm

Maybe he has mixed views on positions because he watched porn, but he still should be willing to work on it so that the two of you can have a healthy and satisfying sex life. You said that it took him a while to get comfortable with missionary position. Well, that's about as basic as you can get...do you think that perhaps he has a self-image problem?

Stress can cause a lot of sexual problems too, so if he is over working, that can contribute. It takes a lot of energy to have partnered sex. Perhaps things will fall into place better with time (and less work), and I think it's great that you don't bring up your desires every time, but you will need to address them or else you will become resentful. The point isn't what position(s) you try it is the connection you make as a couple by experimenting together. If you think you will like doggie style, but you are not sure if he will like the visual (someone else mentioned this), try the reverse cowgirl position (you can search it on ivillage). This way, it's a variation of WOT that you are in control over (no need to ask, just try it out), and he will get a similar visual to doggie style. Getting creative about when, how and where you have sex can also be fun -- and it's a great time to experiment with that since you don't have kids running around the house.

There is also a mismatched libido board on ivillage. Perhaps there would be information there to help you as well.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:23pm
well girl im not sure his mind frame but as for the porn and strip clubs i dout it what is making him not want to try new things i mean before me and my wife were together i had sex buddy we always did doggie and i must say with way doggie works there more sensation and i just dont last long as i would in missionary or any other and thats back then and now and i agree with the mirror idea and maybe you could try one of my wifes fav witch is almost missionary and almost doggie him on his side you on your back or side lift ya leg place it over his turn ya self were his were ya can have ic works good for wating to see ya partners face and easy access to boobs clit or bootie for those who like to message and he dont have to do all the work nd neather do you just and idea but i know ya both are new to thise and im sure he has alot of things going thrue hit mind as do you but you will get better and he will want to try more give him time good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:58pm
What I don't understand is why he just doesn't seem interested in just TRYING it. Only once. I said something and he said the only reason he isn't into that pot. is b/c of the comfort. Seems everytime I bring it up there is some tension. I mean I know he is not other guys and he said that but do most guys not want to at least TRY?! :-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:36pm
well to be honest i think most guys do but i thout alot on thise reply and what kinda work does he do i meen me my self im on machine and in mud out side all day as long as im dry when i get home im good except days were i work way to hard and just cant stand any labor when i get home is only time i would turn down sex were it wasnt just me on bottom ya know time at home is only time to rest was he adventures before you to were married at all i meen not sure about the tention when doggie is brung up but most guys dont mind trying knew things sexualy never know when they might want to hit up wife for same and they can say remeber when ya wanted to try thise i did so ya going to say no after i said yes i think ya hubs just needs time i meen ya still newly weds heres idea plan a vacation thise yr and second or third night there bring it up may be after little rest he might bemore willing thats only thing i can think of most guy want to try new thing just see if they can make orgasm just little better for woman they love im sure he'll come arround
good luck