I always have to initiate sex....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2005
I always have to initiate sex....
4
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 8:51pm

My problem is one of role reversal. I always have to initiate sex with my boyfriend and it's driving me crazy! When we first met he said that he hated women who always depended on their man to get sex going. Lucky for him, I have no problem initiating...but I don't want to do it all of the time. I've heard guys complain about this behavior from their women before, but never understood until now.

It's gotten to the point where I'm only performing just to say that we're having sex. And he's very aware of my orgasms and wants me to orgasm...so now I have to work extra hard to have an orgasm when I'm really not feeling it. He always wants me on top since he knows that's the most common way women orgasm. So I end up doing all the foreplay and then doing all the work while we're having sex. I find myself having sexual fantasies to bring me to that point. Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have advice, thoughts, observations?

I've mentioned to him (more than once) in a casual, non-threatening way that I'd like him to initiate more often...and he'll do it the next time we have sex, but then it's back to business as usual. I'm becoming resentful and less interested in sex. I just want to feel like a girl being pursued by her lover on occasion. Is that too much to ask? Help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 10:14pm

It sounds like he is a bit lazy.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 11:58pm

He said he hates women who depend on a man to always initiate sex.....then you have to get it thru his head that you hate lazy men who depend on the woman to always intitiate sex, and then stop doing it. See how long it takes him to get the idea that if he doesn't, it doesn't happen.

And then he "wants" you to have an orgasm? You might explain to him that what he "wants" doesn't always matter. You have them, or you don't......you aren't a "performing" dog who is trained to act on command.

He needs to learn that a relationship is for BOTH people, not just for him. It takes some effort from BOTH of you, or it's not going to work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2005
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 7:10pm

Thanks! Both replies were helpful. I've been practicing the "stop doing it" approach for the past week...and as of last night...it worked. Sex was wonderful. He did everything, changed positions, and it was a real turn-on. I followed it up this morning by telling him how much I enjoy it when he takes control sometimes.

Bottom line is: He "is" lazy in the bedroom...lol...so I'm going to have to keep giving him positive reinforcement and spell out what I need from him. Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 6:33pm

Hey quirky! I'm just curious...is your tactic still working???

I admit that I get so fatigued that I end up being "lazy" myself. Like I always say, it just shows how great the Mrs. is for being the only one capable of putting up with me, LOL! ;D

 

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