I am not attracted to "him" sexually...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
I am not attracted to "him" sexually...
9
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 4:40pm
and I'm confused; this is the first time, in a relationship (I'm 40-something), that I haven't wanted to do "it" with "him." My libido isn't dead; on the contrary, I am quite in-the-mood, just not for "him." And he wants to, has let me know that for quite awhile in a variety of ways. We're kind of dating; we do things on weekends, he comes over and watches tv, we cook great meals together. I think of him as more-than-my-brother, but not-quite-my-SO. I absolutely do not want to get physical with him, and have told him this, but he isn't accepting it, keeps hinting/trying. What should I do? Break it off completely? (though I value his friendship, and know that a good friend, of any gender, is hard to find)...stay with this RL as is, and hope that either I get "turned on" by him, or he drops the issue? (not likely, either scenario)...He's a sweet man, very giving of himself, will massage my feet till I sleep, will walk my dog, we make each other laugh...but there's no mojo goin' on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 5:27pm

It sounds like there isn't much there except being good friends with him.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 6:22pm

He's not going to get the hint - he feels it, and will not be able to understand why you don't want to be more than friends. He will continue to try to get you to sleep with him until he either tucks his tail between his legs and slinks off accepting defeat, or he gets mad when he decides that he has been used and led on.

>>I think of him as more-than-my-brother, but not-quite-my-SO.<<
Well, you had better think of him as more brother than SO. If you think of him as a semi-SO then he is definitely going to feel used at some point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 6:54am
It "doesn't work" in half of relationships as it is.
Tell him and he can arrange to bring a female companion with him on your weekend encounters.
Perhaps he will even find a male friend for you.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 7:20am
Perhaps the answer lies in why you are not attracted to him sexually. Can you define why? Maybe then you can see if he can change to adapt (dress, etc.) or you can reshape your views if you can define the reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 7:41am

")...stay with this RL as is, and hope that either I get "turned on" by him, or he drops the issue? (not likely, either scenario)..."

Meaning you're willing to disregard his wants and wishes, hope he forgets all about them so you can continue to get what you want, namely, a good friend and someone to rub your feet?

Hate to be the cynic here, but I'm not sure I'd want to be "friends" with someone who'd use me like that. Tell him straight up how ou feel. If he still wants to be your friend while at the same time he goes out and dates other women, then your friendship is on equal footing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 3:16pm
To all who responded, thanks. As far as what about him doesn't attract me sexually, don't know; partly, I think, it's his appearance (size, for one...he's very very large; the way he dresses, for another). And I wouldn't want someone to change their appearance in any way so that I could be "attracted" to him. Also, I HAVE told hiim how I feel (note to previous poster), and he explicity states that it's ok with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 9:48pm
Much has been written that if a couple has a great bond they will see each other in a better light than society; that is, he will become more sexually attractive to you as you grow closer emotionally. Do you think that is possible? But you have to try...that is, if you care enough about him. How intimate have you two been?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 6:16am
Honey, you've got NoJo goin' on. Seems like this is bit kinky as there's NoJo, yet you let him give you a foot job & he's dying to screw you. Aren't you a liitle uncomfortable? You could offer him position of "houseman," & make him pay you to walk the hound & foot you. This guy needs "punishment," But in your kindness, you provide it. Ain't you Sweet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 2:09pm
I agree with Tish, if it's not there - chances are good it won't be. Not something you can help reallly, and he will have to understand or hit the road.

 

 

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