I did ask him

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
I did ask him
3
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 1:21pm

My boyfriend has changed his style of sex most recently.

We were having sex daily....he loves me, adores me, cherishes me, I have no doubts.

Daily he was having an orgasm.

Lately he is purposely holding back his orgasm and he says it is because he wants to please me.

I have told him repeadetly that him having an orgasm IS what pleases me.

I have told him that him NOT having an orgasm makes me feel rejected and less sexy.  It is also starting to make me feel like...why bother starting to have sex if I am not going to get the result I want.  I have always been the agressor with him....and so to start sex....its usually me...He will start it now because I haven't been...but he isn't "finishing" and although I tell him over and over it bothers me...he laughs and says..something like...who is in control now?

He doesn't want me to make a big issue of this...and I have told him it IS a big issue to me...and he is laughing it off.

Any ideas on what else is going on with him?  Or do you think I should take him at his word? He says he tries to last longer to please me....and he likes the feeling of the constant anticipation.  It bothers me so much because it seems to be a RECENT "game" to me. We have been dating 1 year and this has started in the last 2 weeks.  He did do this one other time about 8 months ago..but to me this is turning into an ISSUE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2013
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 4:26pm

I recognize that your man changing his behavior is distressing, but since this isn't the first time, I would wager he spends more time thinking about your relationship and how to improve it than you realize. He said, "Who's in charge now?" Could he feel like he is always competing with you? Is that just in bed or other areas too? 

Some men are attracted to strong women. The art of a good relationship is to know the balance between when to be "strong" and when to be his counterpart. 

You will find in this article (http://powertochange.com/sex-love/menwant/) that he wants a confident self sufficient woman, but that has to be balanced with a woman who knows how to make him feel like "A Man."

Try letting it go for a while and try to appreciate 2 things about him every day. If you can say them to him that is obviously the best and goes a long way to strengthening your bond. Even if you just think them to yourself, in as little as a week, you will see him more for the man you first loved. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 08-31-2013 - 1:02pm

Most men want to please their partner.  And most men try to hold back and last as long as they can, because they want to please their partner.  BUT, most men eventually will have to let it happen.  The fact that he's not doing it at all.........makes me wonder if he has a problem, and this is how he's covering it.  While reading your post, I was thinking it had been going on for a LONG time........two weeks is NOT a long time.  Maybe you should stop analyzing his behavior, and start enjoying the sex......there should be a lot more to it than you feeling you've "done your job".  Maybe he'd like to think he's pleasing you for a change.  Let up on the aggressiveness, and learn to just enjoy, and allow him to enjoy what he's doing.  Being too aggressive can be a very emasculating thing to some men.......relax, enjoy what you have together, and don't question it. 

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Sat, 09-14-2013 - 9:49am
How has this progressed? Is you bf still holding out? Have you tried surprising him with a bj? I have never met a guy who could last long then :)