What Sakura said. Faking sets a bad precedent. Simply explain to your BF that your sexual pleasure is not all about the almighty O, that's just the icing on the cake, and that your orgasm is your responsibility, he is not responsible for 'giving' you one.
If he thinks "it's him" then you should address that and have him learn that women (and even men) don't always have orgasms! Sex isn't all about the orgasm, and chances are you didn't have one because you were trying too hard to have one.
Faking an orgasm does absolutely nothing for you, and in the big picture of things, it does more damage than any possible good for him. Sometimes, you just have to say "it's not happening tonight", and then settle in to enjoy the sensations and pleasurable feelings that both of you are having. Let it be "his night", make it all about his pleasure -- he certainly won't feel bad about that.
When you are intimate with a person, there is a certain level of trust that you need to have. Lying about things, faking orgasms, pretending to enjoy something you don't are all dishonest ... dishonesty breaks down trust. While men can't usually tell if you're faking it, if he learns that you do just one time, then he's likely to wonder how many other times there have been, or about how many future times there will be.
It just has no positives, really.
As the others have said, he can only help you have an orgasm. In the end, it's your body and mind that give you the orgasm. Also, since the two of you have focused on this so much, worried that something was wrong, don't be surprised if it doesn't happen the next time you're together either. The best thing you both can do is relax and enjoy being together, then you are in your best position to have an orgasm.
That was just it... I didn't want to fake it..... because I mean I have been lucky enough that every other time we have had sex or fooled around I have.
Well, you could give him some information to read about women and orgasms, or you could just try talking to him to let him know it puts pressure on you. Maybe sit down, outside of the bedroom, and tell him that sometimes you just won't orgasm -- that it has nothing to do with him, and that worrying over it just puts more pressure on you. Let him know if you ever feel like he needs to do something different, you'll tell him.
I know if I realize I'm just not going to have an orgasm at some given point, I just tell him. I usually say "it's just not happening for me today, so let's focus on you". If I don't feel like telling him, then I just start guiding the activities. If I think he's holding out, waiting for me, then I'll just whisper in his ear that I really need him to cum. Once he's regained his composure, if he brings "me" up, then I let him know my switches just aren't working that way today, and all is well.
Personally, I wouldn't fake it, especially not to protect his ego. He needs to understand that it just doesn't always happen.
NO!!!
If he thinks "it's him" then you should address that and have him learn that women (and even men) don't always have orgasms! Sex isn't all about the orgasm, and chances are you didn't have one because you were trying too hard to have one.
Faking an orgasm does absolutely nothing for you, and in the big picture of things, it does more damage than any possible good for him. Sometimes, you just have to say "it's not happening tonight", and then settle in to enjoy the sensations and pleasurable feelings that both of you are having. Let it be "his night", make it all about his pleasure -- he certainly won't feel bad about that.
When you are intimate with a person, there is a certain level of trust that you need to have. Lying about things, faking orgasms, pretending to enjoy something you don't are all dishonest ... dishonesty breaks down trust. While men can't usually tell if you're faking it, if he learns that you do just one time, then he's likely to wonder how many other times there have been, or about how many future times there will be.
It just has no positives, really.
As the others have said, he can only help you have an orgasm. In the end, it's your body and mind that give you the orgasm. Also, since the two of you have focused on this so much, worried that something was wrong, don't be surprised if it doesn't happen the next time you're together either. The best thing you both can do is relax and enjoy being together, then you are in your best position to have an orgasm.
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Rich, good to the last drop
Rich, good to the last drop
Well, you could give him some information to read about women and orgasms, or you could just try talking to him to let him know it puts pressure on you. Maybe sit down, outside of the bedroom, and tell him that sometimes you just won't orgasm -- that it has nothing to do with him, and that worrying over it just puts more pressure on you. Let him know if you ever feel like he needs to do something different, you'll tell him.
I know if I realize I'm just not going to have an orgasm at some given point, I just tell him. I usually say "it's just not happening for me today, so let's focus on you". If I don't feel like telling him, then I just start guiding the activities. If I think he's holding out, waiting for me, then I'll just whisper in his ear that I really need him to cum. Once he's regained his composure, if he brings "me" up, then I let him know my switches just aren't working that way today, and all is well.
Personally, I wouldn't fake it, especially not to protect his ego. He needs to understand that it just doesn't always happen.
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Edited 11/27/2007 12:23 pm ET by cl-misty_mae